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Tina
Frequent user July 2021 Ontario

Save the Date question

Tina, on September 13, 2019 at 20:03 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 8
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I'm in a bit of a sticky situation. We had initially wanted a destination wedding, but due to lack of response and FH's father's health issues, we canceled that idea and are now doing a local celebration.

When sending save the dates for the destination, we were pretty generous, knowing only about 35%-40% would accept. I also sent a few "heads up" messages to people telling them that we'd be having an at-home reception when we got back. Not an official save the date, but if they were traveling, I wanted to let them know so they could budget for it.

Now that we're doing local, there are a ton of people to whom we sent save the dates that we simply cannot afford. (Long story, but we jumped at a venue because, after canceling the destination, I was paranoid about finding a place in 2020 that also worked with our photographer's availability).

How horrible would it be to send fewer save the dates for our local wedding? I know that, generally, if one receives a Save the Date they expect an invitation. I'm wondering if, etiquette-wise, there's a bit of leeway for the venue change? We have an initial guest list, but we need to cut about 14-16 from an 84 person list. This means that they're are people who received the destination STDs won't get local ones. Or am I obligated to send save the dates (and invites) to these people?

8 Comments

Latest activity by Vinod, on September 17, 2019 at 13:48
  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    The save the dates will let you know if some guests won't make it and if you need to send invites to those on your guest list only as mentioned cut down, do so. Don't go overbudget because of the original number you started out.

    I do see your circumstances for changing your wedding options and based on your parents health basis. I would have done the same knowing its more important they being there by your side. Flying may not be easy and if they are approved to do so.

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  • Tina
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Tina ·
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    Thanks all! I'm going to send all the save the dates. About half are out of province anyway, so I'll definitely get some declines. Thanks for keeping me on the straight and narrow Smiley laugh
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  • Rayanne
    Master June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
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    If it is purely a budget thing and not because of the venue maximum I'd say you should look somewhere else to find your savings. Even if it is a venue max that is restricting these people from getting an invite they deserve a reason why you couldn't send them an invite. There is a chance they wouldnt be able to make it anyway.
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  • Katelyn
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Katelyn ·
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    Perhaps reach out to the people personally and let them know about the change in plans. And let them know that your new venue has restrictions. And then if people end up rsvping no, invite those people as room comes available if any. There's nothing you can do if the venue wont let you have more people. If it is just your own personal choice I would say you have to suck it up and invite them.
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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I would say that they are "owed" an invite - but I'm on the side of things where I don't care what % usually comes back as no's. Send what the max. for the venue would be but with a sooner RSVP date and then send a second batch of invites based off of the no's. I would say to do the whole send new ones out as you get no's but in my experience you end up having to call about 50 people the week before they are due as people don't care enough to RSVP as soon as they know if they can make it or not.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    I think if you sent them a STD for the destination they should get one for the local wedding.
    Like Kelsie said, not everyone is going to say yes. We invited 160 to our wedding and our final numbers are 108. So there was a big chunk that said no! You may be ok sending out all the save the dates and still come under the number you need!
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  • Tina
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Tina ·
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    View quoted message
    Thanks! That's my feeling as well, as much as it's a pita lol! But I agree, it would be kinda crappy to get a destination save the date and not a local one.
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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I think etiquette would say that whoever got a destination STD, should get a local one.

    Remember that not everyone you invite will say yes. About 10-20% of guests decline an invite. So you can always invite over your max limit as people will say no.

    We want around 250 people at our wedding and we’ve sent Save the Dates to 330 people (including their +1s!). So we don’t expect to get 330 yes’ at all.
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