Save the Date and Invite Ettiquette

It depends. We have couples who we are super close with that don't live together, so they both get one. Some friends we are more close with one so we send it to the main friend and then put the other persons name on the invite. You gotta save money where you can.

I would send it to both if you have both their info

Digital Save the Dates and invites can be based on names specified to those attending the wedding. The RSVP can be this site and when they accept/decline, their name will show up automatically and no one else. This will put your mind to ease and have others know they are not on your list. Couples and families invited should be receiving one invite per household and if living in separate homes, then to each member according to the parents, sons/daughters with their families/SO. Those you feel that are known to you both as an individual or couple, invite accordingly.

I addressed my invites and save the dates as "Mr. & Mrs..." for the ones that are married and even for the friends and family that I know are in serious relationships, I put both of their names. You don't have to, it's completely up to you. However, if they are living together or in a relationship, the cost can add up if you send them to both when you know they are both probably going to attend together.

Sorry everyone, should have been more clear. Yes, I meant couples (and families too). I'm using digital invites so all invites and save the dates are emailed individually but we're getting a bunch of people complaining that we should be sending single invites to couples and families. My original reasoning behind individual invites are:

1) It allows us to control the guest list. No presumption or loophole that allows them to bring extended family or random people we don't know. No surprise of including the name of someone we don't like.

2) If there is a member of a couple who is email tardy, a separate email to the other person can help remind the tardy one to RSVP on time.

3) It shows that we are looking at them as individuals rather than extensions of someone else. We're personally not extending +1s to those not in committed relationships and if they just started dating, our rule is we need to have met them first in order to garner an invite. All invites are to someone we can comfortably say "Hey, I've met you and know who you are" and everyone knows at least two to three people on the guest list, not including us so they can. The exception to this would be if it's someone's child who do not have access to email. Then I would include that name in one of the parents' invite.

The push back we're getting is us supposedly not respecting the bonds between families and/or couples. I feel like the complainers are overreacting to something really trivial but if it's typical to only send "grouped" invites, then I rather not deal with the drama. Thankfully it's a very small minority being vocal about it.

For all of our invitations we put the people's names on them since we weren't inviting kids it would be couples at most. Whoever we are related to we would put their name first, and if it was friend like how you are describing we would put who we knew first regardless of being friends with both of them. For those who my DH met through school so he knew them the same amount of time we just put the Mr. before the Miss./Ms./Mrs. We only had one LGBTQI+ couple and one of them was related to my DH so we put his name first... Not sure what we would have done if they were friends that we knew equally as long...

I put both names; one above the other. There were invitation etiquette articles and samples online, all of which were very helpful.

I also put both names on the envelopes for save the dates.


I have one friend who is in a new relationship so I let her know in person that she has a plus one but I wasn't sure how serious she and her new bf were yet, and that she can bring whoever she wants to.

You can send them one with both names if they live together and it would go to the same address anyways. Otherwise, send one to each with their own addresses.

I’m a little confused by what you mean by both people. Do you mean a couple?


I put Mr. X last name and Ms. x last name if they’re together but not married.
I tried wherever possible to do that - if it was someone I didn’t know or was giving a single guest a plus one, is do so and so and guest.
Long story short - only one needs one if you’re talking about a couple.