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Allison
Master October 2019 Ontario

RSVPs - dealing with the first decline

Allison, on July 31, 2019 at 19:43

Posted in Plan a wedding 35

We are starting to get RSVPs back for our wedding, which is great! I knew going into it that around 10-15% will end up declining, but getting the first decline today still kinda sucks. For context, the decline came from my cousin. I invited her and her husband - they do have a 3 year old, but he's...

We are starting to get RSVPs back for our wedding, which is great! I knew going into it that around 10-15% will end up declining, but getting the first decline today still kinda sucks.

For context, the decline came from my cousin. I invited her and her husband - they do have a 3 year old, but he's not on the list, and frankly, he doesn't behave and I don't really want him at the wedding. Anyways, I talk with my cousin and she is currently in the divorce process and custody battle - meaning her kid can't stay with the dad right now and someone from an approved list has to watch her kid if she can't. Most people on that list are also on the guestlist, such as my other cousin and aunt. So as of now, she's not able to come unless: her kid can come OR: she finds someone who can watch over him for a bit and she'd leave after the first dance.

I'm standing my ground on not letting her kid in, so she probably won't be coming to the wedding. It sucks because we were close growing up and if it weren't for the divorce/custody battle, she'd be able to go. I know it's a tough spot for her, and I really appreciate her being up-front with me about it (she messaged me earlier explaining that her RSVP is in the mail, but this is the situation).

Anyways, how did you deal with the first RSVP decline? Was it someone you expected would decline or a complete surprise? Did you stuck to rules you made earlier or bend them a bit so someone who couldn't attend now could?

35 Comments

  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Ooh that sucks!!

    There certainly are some people I'll be surprised if they RSVP yes, but my cousin was one I thought would be a sure thing.

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Declines of RSVP isn't what anyone wants to get back though its hard to know that guest is close to you. Accept the fact that some of these guests have prior engagements or issues they are dealing with currently. Your cousin has a good reason and as hard as it hurts to hear her not coming because of her son, whom you don't personally like the behaviour of, can't just leave him behind and come. She needs to focus on her divorce and him to know everything is ok to say yes otherwise.

    I had declines from my side of family too, 2 of my cousins couldn't make it or their families/other half due to the their current situations being dealt upon. One was dealing with her citizenship as the other was dealing with his lawyer and having to move to another state for education. Plus the fact he couldn't even leave the country and not be able to enter after the wedding. You will see them after your wedding when you visit them at home.

    Just know that your declines are for a good reason or something come up even the last minute they can't make it.

    We didn't know replies back and had one text my husband something happened to her husband that they had to go to the hospital. Another had such problems that she needed to go for surgery and was recovering from the pain. Not to mention she couldn't speak properly for a while too.

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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    Well, not my first decline but the one that hurt me was my grandmother.

    My grandfather passed away in April, shortly after invitations had to be sent out for both my shower and the wedding. She didn't RSVP to either. For the shower I didn't mind, but the wedding I asked my dad assuming she was coming and just didn't send it back only to find out, nope. she was not coming. Not even the decency to let me know either. The worst part was that I KNEW she was coming I just wanted to make sure only to find out I was wrong.

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