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Megan
Curious July 2020 British Columbia

Responding to "why dont you wait to get married"

Megan, on July 10, 2020 at 05:44 Posted in Plan a wedding 2 15
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we have decided to elope this year, and that has posed much drama and challenges.

I HATE when people say "well why don't you just wait until next year"

my response has been, we are doing this because we want to be married, not solely to have a wedding, this is what we want to do and reflects our faith and values.

Just curious to what others who've gotten married this year despite covid have responded to this sort of comment


what I wish I could say: WOW NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT

15 Comments

Latest activity by Ashlee, on July 16, 2020 at 01:26
  • Ashlee
    Newbie July 2021 Alberta
    Ashlee ·
    • Dispute
    My fiancé and I have been engaged for almost 4 years now and just didn’t want to wait. We are eloping in 10 days and then having our big wedding as a renewal of vows next year (hopefully). Our problem has mostly been people who are angry we aren’t inviting them to the elopement (we have one close friend each to sign, our parents and my very sick grandmother coming and that’s all). It’s hard enough that we don’t get to have the wedding we wanted and now I’m being attacked by relatives that feel entitled to be present at the elopement. I’m really sorry that you have to go through this because I know how hard it is.
    • Reply
  • Jillian
    Frequent user September 2022 Ontario
    Jillian ·
    • Dispute
    We have to post pone to 2022 bc our venue is fully booked next year. And we are literally getting the opposite “why don’t u just elope” funnny how no answer is acceptable
    • Reply
  • Brit
    Newbie October 2020 Ontario
    Brit ·
    • Dispute

    I have had this question SO many times. I want to scream back "Because we don't want to wait!". We've been together 7 years, and engaged for over a year. I think if our wedding date passes (Oct 17) and we aren't married or getting married, I will be inconsolable.

    • Reply
  • Caroline
    Beginner August 2020 British Columbia
    Caroline ·
    • Dispute

    Yep I've got that comment and here's my answer: 1- Who knows if COVID will still be here next year? 2- Who knows where we will be next year, there's a chance my fiancé will get transferred. 3- I'm 46 and I've never been married, I've been waiting for this all my life. 4- And yes we will do it for US.

    Yesterday was the worst day of my life, I've got 9 people (close relatives, my brothers and my mother in law) cancelling on me for all kinds of reasons. So on 45 initially guests I've got now 25 people coming only. I'm broken! But we are still getting married!

    • Reply
  • Autumn
    Beginner May 2021 Ontario
    Autumn ·
    • Dispute
    Can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “we’re getting married no matter what”
    Getting married is important to us for a multitude of reasons. We would love our 130 guests to be there and have a good time with us but that’s not as important. Believe it or not... the most important thing about our wedding day is getting married. ♥️
    • Reply
  • Megan
    Frequent user April 2021 Ontario
    Megan ·
    • Dispute

    My own mother said this to me, followed by 'I think you're rushing things'. I may have had a breakdown at that point and told her we were getting married because we love each other, we were supposed to get married on that day, and we'd like to be married and ride out the pandemic together. I told her she was welcome to watch us get legally married on our front lawn, but she didn't have to attend. (She showed up fyi).

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  • Taylor
    Newbie May 2021 Ontario
    Taylor ·
    • Dispute

    We made the decision to wait until 2021 but our close friends decided to elope. They had a really hard time because so many people disagreed with their decision.

    Here's how I see it - COVID arrived and it tossed all of us brides into chaos. So many people forget that it is about the marriage between two people, it's not about the wedding. A lot of people will tell you that it's "selfish" or "your guests deserve better". This is how I would reply: "This is what we want, so this is what we're going to do & thank you for supporting us".

    I have friends who have had to cut everyone except 45 people, and as people RSVP no, they have asked other people to fill those spaces. It's uncomfortable and awkward, but they had to do that. I have friends who are doing their wedding in batches so they will have family and close friends to the ceremony (with kids) and then at 6 or 7, kids will be going home and that opens it up to more people to be added to the celebration! We all have to do what we have to do.

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Eloping is a tough choice to make especially when others have something to say or ask the question you made a point about. They feel its that time frame of the special moment to make your day more happier with guests present.

    You two do what's best as others have done the same to know its the best solution to make official on your day. Vow renewal or second wedding (non-official Officiant not needed) can work too. Anniversary celebration without the ceremony is also enough to celebrate your wedding.

    • Reply
  • Vilecia
    Newbie August 2020 Ontario
    Vilecia ·
    • Dispute
    Ugh!! Yes! So many questions and "brilliant" suggestions on how to go about our lives. Being a Middle Eastern getting married to an American man makes it even worse! Haha.
    My fiancé and I wanted a small reception anyways but we were going with something bigger to meet the cultural standards. Also Covid-19 brought us way back and is actually limiting our reception to only 10 people, we didn't cancel our plans and are still getting married this August because we feel we're ready and there's no point in waiting. It's really not about throwing a party more than the vows exchanged and the bond created.
    Best of luck for all of you couples trying to get married!
    • Reply
  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
    • Dispute

    100% this. We have postponed until next summer, but decided we'd like to have a small ceremony this year on our original date in August. We had been pretty lucky in that most of our family and friends have been super supportive. Until 2 weeks ago when all of a sudden my FH's sisters blatantly asked "Why do you guys have to get married this year if you're doing it next year anyways. JUST WHY?" (yes it was asked that blatantly). In the moment, it took us aback and we didn't have a good response, other than wanting a sense of normalcy, and it's covid so there's no wedding etiquette anymore. After thinking about it more after the fact though, we just decided we picked our date for a reason (it's our anniversary already), there's no way to guarantee next year won't be affected as well, and we don't want to wait another year only to have to postpone again. Plus they're worried about their parents, who will only be another year older next year, and even more vulnerable then! I don't understand why some people seem to have such a problem with people wanting to get married on their own terms.

    • Reply
  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
    • Dispute
    Ugh man, I hated hearing this. Before covid, we planned on a small wedding anyways because money is tight and we heard this question all the time.
    I was very honest with people (maybe even a bit blunt sometimes) with why we were getting married when we were. We’re fresh out of school and the job market’s tight so I wasn’t afraid to say we couldn’t afford it. Actually, it was kind of a funny story: when we told my FWs family we were getting married but having immediate family only, her aunt piped up in front of everyone saying we should wait. I turned and said “were poor now and we’ll be poor later, so why wait like 10 years?” My FMIL was trying not to laugh at how called out she looked 😂
    • Reply
  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
    • Dispute

    That's frustrating. We've been lucky that nobody is asking us this question, although I don't think many people have considered that we'll likely have to postpone as our wedding isn't until November. Maybe we'll start getting it soon?

    Similarly to you, we are getting married this year regardless of whether we can have the entire reception. For us the actual marriage is much more important than the "party" and since we're able to get married this year, we want to go ahead with it. We will still have a reception at a later date though.

    Honestly, I think you're already responding the best you can. Unfortunately there are some people that just don't understand boundaries and don't respect personal decisions. I think if people still have issues after hearing your explanation, let them know that you've made your decision and you'd appreciate their support, but if they won't support you then you'd rather not speak about the wedding with them. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Reply
  • Kailey
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Kailey ·
    • Dispute
    We decided to get married after having to postpone our wedding till next year were having an intimate backyard ceremony with our parents and siblings and my two bridesmaids. Everyone attending knows that we are not telling anyone else about it, luckily my family was very supportive of that. We knew we would hear well you have to do it next year anyways why not wait. And while with the restrictions we were thinking we would have to once it lossened up we thought we have waited for 12 years why do we have to wait!? Everyone can wait a year but we're doing it. Our officiant has been amazing and is doing both and having a fake document prepared for next year's so no one will be the wiser and it takes the pressure off of next year for myself.


    I think if it's what you want to do that no one else opinion matter marriage is between you and your future husband do whatever makes you guys happy, everyone can share the moment next year with you regardless if a piece of paper was already signed
    • Reply
  • Clauds
    Frequent user August 2020 Ontario
    Clauds ·
    • Dispute

    I've gotten this from a few family members as well. I understand their concern as they are older and more vulnerable to covid. That being said, we already pushed our reception to next year and are holding a very small ceremony. It will be in a very spacious outdoor area and social distancing can be done easily.

    It's frustrating when we've had so many uncertainties as to whether or not we can even get married and now that it will happen on our original planned date, it hurts a little that those nearest and dearest to us do not seem fully on board.

    I just assured them that we take everyone's safety very seriously and will make sure the organizers do everything they can to make this happen. That it is my life and I want to get married and start being a family with with fiancee.

    • Reply
  • Vanessa
    Devoted December 2021 Ontario
    Vanessa ·
    • Dispute

    This has been said to me a few times as well and i'm also getting tired of hearing it.

    My FH and I will be 31 this month and we have our own personal plans that we are looking forward to for next year.

    Our wedding is December 2020 so waiting until December 2021 just isn't an option. We have already agreed and made the decision that we will be getting married regardless of what happens this year and if we do need to postpone the reception then that's fine. I've had a few people tell me that i'm young and just to wait and blah blah blah .. i'm just over that entirely.

    I've just told everyone that this is our life and what we choose to do is no one else's business.

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