Removing a bridesmaid

Remove the toxic bridesmaid if she doesn't seem fit in your wedding party. Its hard enough to get one person to work with the team and turning the table to make it about herself.

This is your day and happiness of the FH and you. I know someone myself that is self centered and loves to hear herself talk whenever I made the effort to call or go see her. Excuses for coming out and last minute cancellations became way too much because of her work schedule. she was left behind not to talk to ever again. A guest attended for 1 decided to bring his boyfriend and mother on the day disregarding my respect and friendship. Besides bringing 2 extra people and asking me where his mother could sit for dinner not giving any cash gift, the couple was so chaotic, it made everyone notice them and since then, he didn't get any respect or word from me ever again.

Before you remove her you might want to chat with her to see what's going on and if there might be a reason behind her behaviour. As someone who is a bridesmaid in a wedding and haven't really seen/talked to the bride in months, part of it is that it's very difficult given social distancing and COVID-19 and also caring for a family member who is sick. On the other hand, if you truly feel that she is toxic and that this is not a friendship you don't anticipate having long term then it's probably best to not have her be such a big part of your day.

Remove her. It’s not worth it. I kept a bridesmaid in my first wedding that was toxic as well and she made the whole day about her and caused me nothing but stress. I talked to her about it a couple days after the wedding and we haven’t spoken since and that was 10 years ago. Those people are not worth having on your big day or in your life in general. Only keep those who bring you happiness and fully support you. Just kindly say you think you have gone different ways and that you don’t think she should be a bridesmaid that day. Good luck!

As someone who was in a wedding to someone they had drifted from, give her a way out. My friends and I are in probably 60% of her wedding photos and now we don't speak.


Let her know that if she isn't there for you on a regular day, then you don't want her there on the biggest day of your life.

View quoted message She always says that she’s so excited and everything but any time I brought up anything about my wedding or even anything about my life in general she always turns it into something about her. We eloped this year(formal wedding next year) and she almost didn’t come to the wedding because she just assumed it on still on a Saturday when we changed it to a Thursday and I had told her multiple times and the details. I’m just over this friendship. I give it 110% and get nothing in return.

I think the question is how toxic of a relationship is it? Like what has already been brought up, you could downgrade her to a guest but that might cause drama. I think you really need to evaluate what sort of relationship you want with this person going forward (especially when kicking someone out of a wedding role since there’s a lot of emotions already involved).
If you want to maintain the friendship, maybe phrase it as doing her a favour that you’re letting her off the hook. She might have been looking for a way out and not sure how to say it and this would do it. Otherwise if she’s toxic, I wouldn’t think twice of saying bye bye.

I agree with Olivia! I think maybe just approaching it that way and if she’s not responsive just be clear about what you want. You don’t want to look back on your wedding day and regret having her in like all your pictures and a big part of your day!

How long have you two been best friends? If it has been a long time it is probably worth talking to her instead of cutting her out of the wedding party. In times like these could she be more flaky than usual because she is trying to limit social interactions due to Covid or maybe she has a stress you don't know about?
If none of that is the case and she has always been toxic, talk to her about that and about ending the friendship, then remove her from the wedding entirely. Downgrading a toxic person to a guest is only going to cause drama that they will instigated at your wedding.

You could say something like,
I understand being in a bridal party is a big commitment and responsibility, right now it feels like this is something you can’t/won’t commit to. I’m wondering if being a bridesmaid is too much for you to handle, maybe it’s best for you just to be a guest instead.
That way you’re telling her how you’re feeling and giving her a last chance to prove herself or you have no problem removing her title.