Skip to main content
Brittany
British Columbia

Registering for "stuff"... What's asking too much?

Brittany, on April 6, 2018 at 14:17 Posted in Living together 0 25
Saved
Reply

My fiance and I have been living together for 5 years (together only a little longer than that). We have accumulated so much stuff, we have to purge from time to time.

For our wedding, we are registering our honeymoon. I'm going to write a nice little blurb explaining that we have not been able to travel together alone, and how much it means to us.

However, my mom thinks I should create a registry for the Bridal Shower... I figure I can put things on there that even if we have it, maybe we need an upgrade, or replacement. I don't want to put too much on a shower registry, and poach the wedding gifts, which are far more important to us.

How do I go about this without coming across greedy, or make people feel like they are breaking the bank?

HoneymoonRegistering for "stuff"... What's asking too much? 1TraditionalRegistering for "stuff"... What's asking too much? 2


25 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on September 16, 2019 at 16:32
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
    • Dispute

    I would do the honeymoon registry for your shower too i think its a great idea! most people bring envelopes now a days anyways!

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    A honeymoon fund is a great idea than receiving gifts and helpful for payments by family and friends.

    As for a registry for the bridal shower, if your really needing upgrades, then request those items and nothing else. Other way to go is to ask monetary gift so you can get the items you truly need and where to get it than to return the gifts given. There's nothing wrong to say its being greedy or too much since you and your FH can buy needed for the house.

    • Reply
  • Leanne
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Leanne ·
    • Dispute

    My fiance and I have also been living together for a long time and thought about the similar issues. the only reason I created a registry was also for my bridal shower, the items I put on my registry were things my FH and I have on our wish list of items we would like (mostly small kitchen appliances). I also looked at it as an opportunity to upgrade what we currently have, a lot of the stuff we still use are things from university that I would like to get rid of.

    I like the idea of having people contribute to a honeymoon fund! My FH and I also have not travelled a lot together and I feel like a lot of people would still be perceptive to that idea, I find it is the older generations that have more of an issue with gifting a monetary value - but if it is going towards something like a trip, I feel like they would feel better about it.

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute

    My fiance and I have been living together for 4 years now, so I'm right there with you. We're only registering for things we need, such as new bedding, towels, and any kitchen stuff we don't have yet.

    I would LOVE to do a Honeymoon fund or a house fund though.

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Yeah it was a struggle to decide what to put on the registry but then we were thinking this and that can be replaced in the next yr or so. So it won't be a big deal to add those items on.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    We are doing monetary gifts for the wedding, so I didn't want to be asking people for money twice. I think the more I look around my home, the more we realize we could really use quite a few upgraded items. Plus my bridal shower isn't going to be huge, so I don't need a ton of stuff on a registry.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I used to bar tend a LOT of East Indian/Asian weddings/wedding parties, through private banquet halls, where cash is the most traditional gift. I tell ya, the amount of cash on those stages sometimes, made our tip jar look reeeeal sad! Haha. I understand where your FMIL is coming from, and sometimes you have to make those adjustments based on your personal guest list. My family is more likely to appreciate not having to go shopping/wrapping a gift. It's individual preference I think.

    • Reply
  • J
    Devoted June 2019 Ontario
    JuneBride ·
    • Dispute
    I've been to bridal showers where the invite said monetary gifts are graciously appreciated. Then maybe put some stuff you need to replace in case on the registry in case some people don't want to give money.


    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Fair enough. I personally didn't want to do any gift registry, not in my culture and we don't really need anything. However, my FMIL said it would be nice to give everyone an alternative as some on my FH's side isn't a fan of giving cash.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I agree. Even a few decor items for the house we've kind of wanted, but not bothered to get ourselves cus we don't really need it, so we won't buy it.

    I definitely need a whole new set of bath towels... a new sheet set for our guest room, actually... New silverware (we merged 2 mismatched sets when we moved in together, haha).

    I've never been given the courtesy of a gift receipt... haha. Except for my mother when she buys clothes, in case she got the size wrong. But I also haven't been in the situation to get many gifts in my adult life, so this is fairly new to me.

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Exactly! And I'm not sure about you but I always feel so bad if you get a gift receipt with your gift and you want to use it :'( But again! Rather get something you know you're going to use!

    But that's a great idea too! Go around your house and make a list of things you wouldn't mind a new set of!

    Hand towels and regular towles for the bathroom! Placemats for dining table! Honestly there's not much better than a nice new set of sheets hahah!

    Even if you don't absolutely NEED IT, a list of items a refreshed set of would be wonderful too!

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I completely agree with the waste of money. I think that's why I'm really wanting a registry for the bridal shower... I feel like the women in my family would want to get something regardless, and a registry will ensure no one is getting something we don't want/need. I feel terrible when someone spends money on a gift for me, and I find it a year later in my closet, untouched.

    The more I walk around my kitchen/bathroom now, the more I realize we could really benefit from some upgrade/replacement items. I bought a lot of stuff at IKEA over 5 years ago, and it just starts to wear out over time...

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Oh this seems cute for sure!! I feel like at my cousin's bridal shower, even though she did a registry, some people still gave her gifts like that... wedding night lingerie, honeymoon gear, etc... Hopefully I get a little mix of that! Although my FH will be sad he didn't get gifts just for him. Haha.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Definitely what's on my list in my head... new towels, new plates, probably new cutlery and some utensils...

    Our wedding website is going to have a full blog post, explaining how important our honeymoon is to us, and that contributions to it are the greatest gift anyone can give us.

    I'm not going to give a gift option for the wedding. If someone really wants to go the traditional route, they must have their own idea of what they want to give. I don't want to encourage it at all Smiley tongue

    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    Maybe list a few items you could use on the honeymoon? Some new towels, bags, luggage pieces? Bathing suit covers! Just small things!

    Or again I think its fine to have both set for the honeymoon registry (though I understand probably wanting to open a few things at the bridal shower)

    Just stay true to yourself! Rather ask people to give only what you want and not have them spend money on something you dont want/wont use... I think that's way more a waste of money!

    • Reply
  • Sara
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Sara ·
    • Dispute
    I was debating with the same thing, we have everything we need and zero room for anything else so I don’t want to do a registry. And I found something instead of a bridal shower, it’s a bridal tea. Which is basically a more intimate super girly event where the guests don’t give you ‘home’ gifts but lingerie, jewelry, fashion accessories, and other girly items targeted to the bride alone.
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
    • Dispute

    We put items like bed sheets, towels. Maybe nicer quality that is something we normally wouldn't buy. New dishes/cups and other kitchen items.

    On our wedding website I did write something along the lines of: We currently have everything we need. We would love a contribution towards the next step in our happily ever after, as we would love to have a place to call our own.

    However, if you wish to present a gift instead please visit: XXXXXXXX

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I don't think I'm going to put too much "expensive" stuff on the shower registry. I do really want a Kitchenaid mixer, or a new blender, or possibly a nice coffee maker/espresso maker... but those are just too much for anyone to buy. I think if I'm given any gift cards and can put them together towards a bigger ticket item. I know one of my cousin's registered at the Bay, and I felt silly buying a pizza slicer, or spatula, so I bought a few different utensils that added up to about $50. So a good assortment will allow for any budget.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    We are probably going to actually "register" with some sort of honeymoon fun (HoneyFund, or something similar). But it's very common within my family, and in general in our area, that a lot of couples around my age and in our situation just don't register, and then just cash/cheques and cards are brought to the wedding.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Ohhh I've never heard of an envelope shower before! That sounds awesome! I do feel like asking for cash twice though might take the wind out of some women's sales who want to get a gift and watch me open in.

    You're right though, I can do a registry of tons of things under say, $50 (less for kitchen utensil upgrades). New towels, coffee mugs, maybe some small appliances... etc. Then people get to buy & wrap something, and I don't feel like it's too much.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    I could see some logistical issues with getting all those gifts home from Ontario too! Haha. Nowadays, I think at least half, if not more, of couples are going with cash/honeymoon funds. Generally not having a registry is the way to say "don't get us stuff"... I am having a bridal shower though, so I may do the small registry just for that.

    • Reply
  • Bethany
    Super July 2018 Alberta
    Bethany ·
    • Dispute
    I think it's a good idea to upgrade things! And rule of thumb is to put a variety of prices, some people will buy the expensive stuff and if they don't depending on the store you get a discount off the item. Which saves you a lot in the end 😊
    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute
    I’m all for registering for items to upgrade your current home for your shower! Even if you register for items, people will still give money here and there (which you can put towards your honeymoon).

    Is it common where you live to give tangible gifts at weddings or are cards more common? I’ve also been living with my FH for 5 years so we’re not registering at all for our wedding, hoping this lack of registry gives our guests the nudge in the right direction.

    Good luck!
    • Reply
  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
    • Dispute

    I think for showers people still tend to like to give gifts (weddings people are more prone to giving money I find). You can register for things to upgrade without making people break the bank; stick to lower cost items. I would also suggest just letting your mom know where you registered and she can spread the word.

    Another suggestion is to have an envelope shower. These are really common where I'm from! One card, everyone signs it and puts their donation in the envelope. The money is designated toward a certain thing (new roof for their house, stand mixer and new pot set were two I attended). What's nice is that everyone who donated has signed the same card so you (and no one else!) knows how much each person gave.

    Another option is you could pick a charity and ask guests to bring a gift for that charity rather than for you. My friend requested this for her bridal shower; had people bring baby clothes, diapers, etc for a pregnancy care centre.


    • Reply
  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
    • Dispute
    Our family lives in Ontario and we live in BC and we've loved together for a long time now so we are in the same position. We decided if anything we will do the honeymoon fund. And I'm not having a bridal shower so I don't have to worry about gifts there. But I totally get asking for things that need upgrading. Your friends and family know your living situation so they should understand bwheb you request no actual gifts.
    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
ReCaptcha Verification failed. Please try again.

Related articles

Groups

WeddingWire Article Topics