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Genna
Curious July 2022 British Columbia

Postponing possibility and fiance doesn't care

Genna, on January 19, 2021 at 17:45 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 11
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We are supposed to get married in July this year in the engagement was about a year and a half long. We got engaged December 2019. my future husband is already talking about postponing the wedding even though it's 7 months out. We are in Canada as well and it's not as bad as some places. Every time I mention anything in regards to covid he talks about how we are probably going to have to postpone the wedding and he says it in such a way that there is no emotion or regret for upset or anything. I'm concerned because he hasn't put a lot of effort into the whole planning process either as he is that guy. Should I be concerned?

11 Comments

Latest activity by Stephanie, on January 26, 2021 at 16:54
  • Stephanie
    Beginner July 2022 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    Wow does my fiance have a twin? My fiance is a matter of fact person who doesn't worry he goes with the flow. I think this has just shown why some people cohabitate lol But I truly believe everyone here deserves a wedding if that's what they want.

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  • Michelle
    Curious September 2021 Ontario
    Michelle ·
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    I wouldn't be concerned. If he hasn't been super involved in the planning process, he's not as emotionally invested in the "event" of the wedding as you probably are. It likely doesn't mean much to him to postpone the wedding, but he knows it's coming so he's probably not worried about when it happens. He's probably just planning for the worst to happen. There's definitely a chance it'll have to be postponed if you want a bigger celebration (though I hope you can have it in July!), and that might be causing some anxiety on his end.

    The best thing to do would communicate regularly together about how you want your day to happen and how you can achieve that. Maybe that means eloping and having a big celebration later, or maybe it means postponing until you can have the Big Day that you want. As long as you're both on the same page about it and working towards the common goal together! Smiley smile

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Your fiancée means well and trying to seek later for the best choice, though it may seem he shows no emotion while saying it. Plan B for a small wedding and still celebrate in style with a Vow Renewal or Proper wedding without an Officiant, someone that will say the same words and exchange rings once again. Some reactions are not what you expect it to be from your FH. Don't feel discouraged by him, work together and meet in the middle for another plan.

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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute
    I think it's just how some people react to stress or uncertainty. I'm sure he probably does care, but maybe not in the same way, or not in a way that he can show. He might be stressed about planning a wedding only to potentially have it postponed and need to do it allllll over again.


    Have you considered talking to him about when you would postpone to of you need to? Maybe making a backup plan will be something he's interested in doing?
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  • A-W
    Frequent user May 2021 Ontario
    A-W ·
    • Dispute
    I wouldn't worry too much. I wanted to have a super small wedding at first with almost no one there and my fiance had to talk me into a bigger one. Then when things got locked down in March after the 2nd week I was wanting to prepare for our wedding to be postponed (and we have been engaged since 2017). Not because I don't want to marry him but because I like to be prepared and realistic. It is stressful planning and replaning, best thing to do is talk as much as possible and know everyone handles these things a little differently. If you really want to get married maybe plan for a backup plan elopement?
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana ·
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    You obviously know your fiancé the best so take what we all say with a grain of salt. But I'd consider whether your fiancé is more emotional or logical. If your fiancé doesn't normally get emotional about these kinds of things and is more of a problem solver then this seems like an expected reaction.

    Honestly your fiancé kind of sounds like me. I've always thought I would elope and would have been all for that but my husband really wanted a proper wedding. After we started planning I became excited about the thought of having our wedding but I didn't have the same emotional and sentimental attachment to it that I know a lot of other people do. Back in March or April of last year when covid didn't disappear after a couple of weeks like I think everyone expected, I started thinking about our options for our November 2020 wedding. My husband didn't want to talk about postponing with me for a while because he was still hopeful things would improve by then. Obviously we all know they didn't and he came around near the end of May/beginning of June to the possibility our wedding wasn't going to happen.

    If he's anything like me, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care or that he wants to postpone. He might just be trying to be realistic and wants to get ahead of the problem you'll have if you need to postpone. I think if you should talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel when he brings up postponing. He may not realize how upsetting this is to you and he also may not recognize how his attitude is being perceived by you.

    Good luck! I hope you work things out Smiley smile

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Sounds like my fiancé they’re just being very realistic honestly I wouldn’t take it to heart. We’ve already postponed once and now mine wants to again. He just really thinks we’ll still be under restrictions and he really wants everyone there. I don’t think you need to be concerned. I’m also doing the majority of the planning but I love it covid stuff aside lol
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  • Courtney
    Curious June 2021 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    View quoted message

    Hmm does he have any fall outs with his family? Maybe he's concerned they would get too involved or upset hearing you may elope? Or maybe its the money?
    Ask him to clarify, for your own sake. Tell him you want him to feel comfortable on his wedding day, just as much as you do, and that you see yourself most comfortable with a formal wedding with people attending. BUT if he really doesn't want a big wedding, hear him out. Getting married is about making compromises and finding solutions.
    My fiance first suggested an elopement, just to avoid all the craziness of the families. But I persuaded him to do an actual wedding which he also wanted. I think he's just excited to take a trip somewhere more than anything.
    Maybe you guys have to find a happy medium and go with an intimate wedding to avoid the crowds, chaos and expenses?
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  • Genna
    Curious July 2022 British Columbia
    Genna ·
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    See that would make sense but he didn't even want to do anything in regards to inviting people at first and was all for eloping. I wanted to invite some people and he told me it's us against the world since it's OUR wedding.... He told me he didn't care if people come... Now he wants to postpone
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  • Courtney
    Curious June 2021 Ontario
    Courtney ·
    • Dispute
    I wouldn't be considered. If anything he's trying to tell you that he cares so much about everyone's health and well-being, including your own, that he finds it important to postpone.

    If anything I would recommend sitting down and talking to him.
    State that you want to have an open minded conversation, and hear out his opinion of the wedding, and for him to listen to your opinion afterwards. Nothing has to be decided at that moment, but its definitely a good idea to be on the same page.

    My fiance and I have written on the calendar for next month, which day we have selected to come to a final decision about whether or not we are postponing our wedding, which is scheduled for June.
    That way we have time to talk to all of our vendors and see about getting some of our money back, or picking a new date for next year, etc.

    Good luck!
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
    • Dispute

    I would like to think of it as him being cautious considering all that is happening right now. At least that's what I would want my fiancee to think for the sake of our families and friends rather than accusing me of being uncaring or not supportive.

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