Overstepping Friend Who is My Hair Stylist

She's definitely going overboard on boundaries. Normally when you pay for someone to do your hair and makeup, they provide and include all the product like hairspray, makeup, and bobbypins. If you feel like she is trying to take advantage of you and if you're also paying for your own bridesmaids, go get quotes from other vendors and see what they are including in their services. If they all include hairspray and bobby pins, maybe you can bring it up with your friend.

Wow, just wow. Your friend sounds like she's really difficult to work with and if I were you, I'd hire someone else. They say that hiring friends as vendors (friendors lol) is rarely a good thing for things that you're going through.

Be mindful that if you do decide to go with someone else it will have an impact on your friendship, so tread lightly.

Good luck!

She is DEFINATELY overstepping

at the end of the day. its what you want. the only way that I would change that is if it wouldn't look good on you (my hairdresser will tell me honestly if there is a color/tone I want and that it won't work etc).

and yes she should be providing all hair products. unless it is a hair piece or crown or something. or a specific product that you like (I personally only use professional products and am very particular...and have one body booster that I love).

Brittany said it best....she wouldn't treat paying clients like that. and really whether you are paying or she has chosen to give it as a gift. you still get the say.

Yikes. I agree with the other girls, she's 100% overstepping, and YES, a hair styling service includes EVERYTHING (minus your own hair)... ALL the products, bobby pins, elastic, etc... Unless you want a specific piece in your 'do. My hair stylist is even 'giving me' one of those volume bun things in my hair. I felt bad seeing 50+ bobby pins on my counter after my hair trial, so I'm gonna bring them with me on the day for her to re-use, haha... but that's not expected either.

When it comes down to it, it's your wedding. And that's exactly what you need to say to her, "I understand you have experience/knowledge, but ultimately this is what I want"... if she fights you on it, you can even call her out and say, "You wouldn't treat a paying client like this".... It's still professionalism, even if she's your friend.

Best of luck!

Thanks everyone. I know a few other stylists and will ask them about pricing. Thankfully none of them run in the same circles as her so she shouldn't hear about me asking around.

For added context: I have long thick hair and am currently thinking a half up do with waves through the bottom. She's styled my hair like that before with the same type of accessory (laurel headband). Also I am paying for my bridesmaids hair to be styled so she is still going to be making money.

My SO says that her boyfriend, the best man, has told her to calm down too.

For sure overstepping! She seems to be excited yet but also controlling when this is YOUR wedding! I would be firm with her on what you want, if she pushes against it I would simply state to here that this is the idea you want, if she is maybe uncomfortable with doing what you want maybe it would be best for you to look for someone else!

Also I have NEEEEEEEEEVER heard of a stylist demanding you supply product like bobby pins and spray!?!?!? That should be covered in her cost! And if her cost is being covered as a "gift" then really this should be included! I hope she's not trying to get some money out of you considering this is a gift...

Also I would be a little cautious, wedding presents are usually around the $50-$100 mark depending on how well you know the person... bridal party hair can run up to $100.00 plus PER PERSON... If she's offered to cover all of that maybe this is her way to get something back?

I don't know seems weird to me, and this is just hair! If you're already feeling this kind of stress about it I would move away to go to another vendor, someone you can tell exactly what you want and they will not fight you.

She is definitely overstepping/out of line! I'm also having a friend who is doing my hair but she was hair stylist before I moved away, which is how we met. She still does my mom's hair and is hella excited to do my hair again. I told her that I want her treat me like any other bride and no special treatment since we've grown close over the years.

I would have a serious chat with your friend about your expectations. Let her know that you know she's excited but you get final say on your hair! Plus your wedding is in 2020, which gives plenty of time to figure out styles. Again it would be different if you had a pixie cut and wanted long curls - the styles you are suggesting are doable.

As for providing bobby pins/elastics, that is complete bull-! If she's any kind of professional she should know she has to provide those!

Is she being paid for her services? Or is it strictly a gift? Usually the cost of updos include products going into the hairstyle. I would let her know that making you buy stuff is out of the question. If she objects, I would strongly recommend looking at other stylists - it's not worth getting a style you don't want/working with a pushy stylist.

As a hairstylist, I can honestly say she’s acting out of line. I could totally understand if she was trying to manage your expectations of what you wanted (for example, maybe your hair isnt super thick or long enough, but even in that case she could recommend hair extensions for the big day...) but it sounds like she’s trying to control the situation, which is ridiculous. I’m also a 2020 bride, and my good friend and coworker will be doing my hair for me as a gift, but she’s been the first one to say there’s no point in planning too much for the hair since I don’t even have a dress yet, and what looks best may depend on the neckline of the dress. I would tell your friend that you appreciate that she’s excited, but you only get one wedding and if she won’t allow you to have the hair that YOU want, not what she thinks is best, that maybe she could still do the bridesmaids hair, but you would choose someone else to do yours. As far as needing to provide the supplies, i’m sorry but that’s bull. I cringed reading that. That’s the most unprofessional thing i have ever heard. Even if she wasn’t charging you, she should provide her own supplies ESPECIALLY BECAUSE as a “professional” she can go to the suppliers and purchase professional quality supplies.

Wow.... I can't believe you have to put up with that. Obviously that means that I think that she is out of line and that I agree with Casey.

You could also let her know you want to be treated just like anybody else who hires her - if that means she doesn't want her gift to be your hair then just bail on it. It's not worth the hassle IMO.

With that being said; most hair stylists that I know have never had me bring my own bobby pins or elastics!! That is on her to provide if you are paying for their hair being done. Of course make sure that you would be paying. Maybe she was under the impression that if you pay for all the supplies that she will physically style it at no cost? (maybe not but you never know)

Congrats on the engagement though and welcome to the wedding wire community!

I am so sorry that you have to deal with this from a friend. I can’t even imagine!
Honestly, I would just try to tell her in the nicest way possible that you have a certain look you want for the day and you are open to suggestions but you have the final say in how your hair looks!
The woman that is doing my hair includes all the pins, elastics etc that are needed for my hair in the price. But you could just get some quotes from other hair stylists to see what they include and go from there.