Overreacting or no? Need honest opinions plz!

I second this. I think (depending as has been stated above how much you/your husband value this friendship/buisness friendship) it is entirely appropriate to tell them that you are terribly sorry that their invitation was confusing, but you wanted to make sure that they were able to attend and enjoy the evening in addition to being your videographers, and due to number constraints you will now need to have someone else attend in their place in order to provide videography. There is a good chance they will either a: never speak to either of you again even if leaving 'on good terms', or b: offer to do the videography afterall at which point you will need to decide if you feel comfortable with them coming to the wedding and how to politely decline if you would rather go with someone else. I wouldn't include 'a list' and 'b list' personally, but you are justified in being angry.

I would be pissed. they cant get an invite and be like well im not gonna film anymore. now you have to find a video person in a couple months in wedding season. i would personally talk to them and be like hey i thought you guys were ok to film and i dont have a video person now ettc etc.

You are not overreacting at all. I think what they did is wrong also. I would have no problem keeping them on the list as they are. If they are not able to come, just let them know you had to keep it at x amount of number of people. I hope your FH can see that this is not appropriate at all. Honesty is always best and it works out in the end. Even if it its hard to make that choice.

Not overreacting at all. It's incredibly uncalled for for them to decide that they don't feel like providing the service they already agreed to, and instead inviting themselves to be guests. I agree with the other ladies, if you were to uninvite them it could be seen as rude and cause unnecessary animosity.

I think what you should do is have a serious talk with them. It's best to be honest and communicate how you're feeling instead of continuing along with bottled up feelings. I'd sit them down and explain how incredibly disappointed you were that they backed out of filming, and that you had particularly chosen them for a reason. And that now they've put you in a very difficult situation as you and your finace planned and budgeted to have them attend as videographers, not as regular guests. Also that you guys now have to do the extra work of finding and budgeting for a videographer.

You're in a tough position. Either suck it up and let them attend as regular guests, have a talk with them and they go back to video-ing and they may not be 100% committed to capturing the biggest day of your life, or 'uninviting' them which would be a very hard situation to navigate.

If I were in your position I would be absolutely fuming. There's literally nothing I hate more than having to have guests that I don't like or have overtly wronged me. Unfortunately, your best option is probably to let them come and find another videographer. As a bit of retribution, you can emphasize to them how happy you are that you found a reliable professional videographer and let them feel the shame a bit. And on top of that, you actually do get a professional videographer who is 100% committed to the job.

Hope it all works out!

While I do think that it is rude on their part to say yes and then change their minds, I would say that if you uninvited them, that's going to likely end your friendship. They seem to love you guys so much that they can't stand the idea of not drinking in the entire experience without the technology! Granted, they should have said no to videography in the first place, but you may also have dodged a bullet - what if they were so focused on enjoying the day that they forgot to film something???

I would say that unless you want to lose this friendship forever, just consider them already invited and find a new videographer. Definitely might not feel fair, but to uninvite them would feel very hurtful to them and might cause even bigger issues (e.g. will they start spreading around that you "cruelly uninvited them"?).

Definitely not a fun position to be in!

Not overreacting at all I would be super PO'd. Thing is - as much as my petty butt would want to go to them and say something along the lines of "in that case due to numbers we now need to account for a videographer and assistant... so... I am sorry but we aren't able to accomodate you guys at the wedding until further notice.." but only if it was a friendship I would be fine losing. Which, if my photographer (as amazing as she is/was) had done that then I would have told her that exact stuff as it wasn't/isn't a friendship "for life". It's also so late in the game and although I was able to find a videographer roughly 4 months before my wedding I didn't get to pick from the best and ended up with a dud and out that money for nothing.

I think it's extremely rude of them to back out and I would NEVER do that.

Situation of friends doing videography for a gift seems reasonable yet to back out for the very reason of enjoying the ceremony. Its just sad to see such a long time friend not want to come because of his gf not recording the big moments wanted. In way its good there was no contract to sign otherwise this friendship could have gone downhill for good. Sometimes, the other half seems to make their partners realize they are losing out on the fun and having to do what their friends want.

Let them be as they are and just get together when you can after the wedding to resolve this issue over dinner or something. They will still be around as friends if accepted.

Not overreacting at all - that is not cool for them to back out like that so close to the wedding. My FH is djing one of our close friends wedding as a wedding gift, and I can't imagine what would happen if he just changed his mind this close to the wedding. Nope, not fair to you guys at all! Even if they were already on the top of the list, backing out is just not a nice thing to do.

I agree that maybe there is nothing much you can do about them videoing the wedding now, but I would definitely say something and have a heart to heart about this.

I completely agree with Michelle. You are not over-reacting at all. The fact that they were so far down your list under family and other closer friends would make me blow my top, and would make me consider revoking the invite (poor taste? Yeah but what they did is just as unacceptable). But this is also why I made one of my friends write up and sign a contract with me. Like if they're running a business, friend or not, then proper procedures should be followed no matter what to avoid compromising circumstances.

Since the guy is your FH's friend then I'd have him talk to his friend first and just let him know that you're in a tough spot since you now have to figure out hiring a new videographer that will most likely in the end not do it as a wedding gift and so money has to be allocated there that wasn't planned for initially. And if his girlfriend is the one that doesn't want to help then ask if the friend is still willing to do it if he doesn't need an assistant.

You aren't over-reacting. It's totally inappropriate for the friends to back out of something they agreed to do for you just because they don't want to anymore and this is a prime example of why even friends should have to sign a contract.

Assuming you did not have them sign a contract you will probably have to sit down with them to discuss a way that they feel like they can enjoy attending your wedding, while still filming the ceremony as they had previously agreed to do.

Or worst case scenario take the loss and let them attend as guests.