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Beginner May 2023 Alberta

Opinions from bridesmaids

Michelle, on March 23, 2021 at 03:41 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 28

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So one of my bridesmaids everytime it’s just me and her she always brings up my wedding and things that I previously have said I’m not doing. I honestly originally wasn’t having her in my wedding but we got super close when Covid hit and she was just there for me when I needed someone to talk to. But me and my fiancé are paying for basically our whole wedding and it feels like whenever I talk to her she needs to voice her opinion about every little thing. Originally my fiancé and I had discussed not doing a cocktail hour because it just wasn’t something that was in our budget plus the hotel we are getting married at has a lounge area to eat and get a drink while we are off doing photos. But then this bridesmaid brought it up and how we should do it because she doesn’t want her husband to have to take the kids somewhere to eat or something while we are taking photos, and how her and the other bridesmaids all talked about it and it just makes me want to elope. like she doesn’t care about our wedding day at all and the fact me and my fiancé are paying ourselves where when she got married her grandparents paid for absolutely everything. We are on a budget and have decided to have a cash bar and as soon as she heard about it now all she says is that she’s bringing a flask and she doesn’t care when there are rules and that the hotel are the only ones supplying the alcohol. And I just need advice on how to deal with it! TIA

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28 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on March 28, 2021 at 17:08

Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 28, 2021 at 17:08
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Yesss that’s a great idea thank you!

And yeah I plan on feeding the bridesmaids and groomsmen something beforehand and having snacks for them. Yeah I wouldn’t mind not having one so people can relax and not drink too much before the reception and can go to their hotel rooms if they are staying at the same hotel we are getting married in
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Beginner August 2022 Manitoba
Avery · On March 28, 2021 at 16:54
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Another thing to double check is what a cocktail hour would potentially look like with covid. I know in Manitoba they aren't allowing any buffet style meals so I'm not exactly sure what a cocktail hour would look like.

I am feeding my crew lunch before the wedding and will definitely have tons of snacks in my emergency kit. So I highly doubt anyone will be hungry. Depending on what time your ceremony and reception are people probably won't need to eat in between either!
It's all about what kind of reception you want too. I've been to weddings with a cocktail hour and ones without and to be honest found the one with a cocktail hour to be a little less fun towards the end of the night because people didn't have time to rest in between the festivities and went home early.
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 28, 2021 at 16:46
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Yeah my fiancé now wants to have a cocktail hour to make sure like his mom and my mom eat in between but at the same point I’m like they can go into our hotel room and have a snack or something. Or my moms room. (I’m staying at the hotel the night before with my MOH) our ceremony and reception are in the same place plus it’s downtown area and I feel like people can go to a restaurant or something there since a lot of my guests are from Ontario and may want to check it out. Yeah I plan to have a discussion soon with all the girls and just say Something along the lines of Covid making this planning stressful.

If I was a guest at your wedding I’d be so thrilled to have a ceremony in the park and take photos and then honestly I’m the type of person who would have gone through a drive thru or packed snacks knowing there wasn’t going to be a cocktail hour. I think I’m going to re talk to my fiancé about the cocktail hour I honestly think it’s a bit of a waste of money but that’s just my opinion.
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Beginner August 2022 Manitoba
Avery · On March 28, 2021 at 16:38
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Honestly I would tell her thank you for your opinion but this is they way we (my fiance and I) have planned it. My fiance and I are skipping a cocktail hour as well because like yours our venue has a lounge area people can go. If someone doesn't like the time in between the ceremony and reception then they don't have to go to it 💁🏼‍♀️ Our ceremony is also at a beautiful park so I figured people would use it as an opportunity to take pictures!

Her flask comment was definitely uncalled for. Depending on how close of a friend she is I would just explain to her planning a wedding during covid is stressful enough, you need your girls to be supportive of you and your decisions,not second guess them. Pre-covid weddings were easier to plan, people need to remember that!
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 24, 2021 at 20:27
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Yeah it’s not right to assume
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Expert August 2022 Ontario
Daily · On March 24, 2021 at 20:27
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I think we used to be so close so she assumed she’ll plan my wedding and in return I’ll pay her.
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 24, 2021 at 20:20
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I’m sorry you do too! As someone becoming an event planner that’s ridiculous! Unless you’ve signed a contract she shouldn’t be planning your wedding
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Expert August 2022 Ontario
Daily · On March 24, 2021 at 20:13
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Aww, I’m sorry you have to go through this!! Uhh it is your turn now. She has to remember that. That’s kind of suck since she just ordered her dress. So now, I don’t discuss my wedding details to her.
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 24, 2021 at 20:09
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Originally she wasn’t going to be she was just gonna make my wedding cake. I’m planning this whole wedding (I’m in school for event planning) but like we got really close since Covid but not I’m like really regretting my decision but I feel bad since she just ordered her dress but like I can’t handle people who want to put them selves first over the couple. And yeah that sounds terrible too! I wouldn’t have her or her girls either in your wedding!
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Expert August 2022 Ontario
Daily · On March 24, 2021 at 20:02
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Omg she is is so selfish!! One of my best fri too she was like oh let me plan hour wedding, you don’t have to pay me much. I was like, I thought me discussing my weeding with her was based on our friendship. I was not planing to hire her. Luckily, my venue includes food and everything so I’m good. From the beginning I was thinking of making her two girls my flower girls. But nope not anymore. I can’t deal with the extra stuff on top of my wedding. Plus I want it to be all about me. Because she’s the types that everything has to be about her. If I were you I’m not even thinking of making her my bridesmaids.
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 24, 2021 at 19:03
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What’s funny about the cash bar is that at her wedding and her sisters wedding they both had cash bars! And the drinks were crazy high priced! For 1 drink it costed me $12 I had 4 and bought her and her husband one as a “gift” I also gave them a gift and flew to Ontario from Alberta and paid for some of the bachelorette! This was all before Swoop was a thing or flair and I had to pay $600 one way or something crazy because it was around thanksgiving. So it makes me so irritated when she complains about anything costing her $$
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Expert August 2022 Ontario
Daily · On March 24, 2021 at 14:18
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She can stay home! I mean I’m sure she’ll be fine spending 20$ on the kids for food. Now a day most people do cash bar. I am not a big drinker. I’m sure she can afford 3 shots and or a beer. And remind her you are on a budget.
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Frequent user February 2022 Ontario
Stephanie · On March 24, 2021 at 09:33
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Anyone who is that inconaiderate I wouldn't feel bad at all about un inviting or taking away their bridal party status. If she has a flask and gets drunk at your wedding and something happens....YOU and your fiancée are liable. Even more so because she has told you she will be doing this. I would not want someone like this in my bridal party. It is your day, and your finances. If she can't respect that she can respectfully bow out of her position in your party. You DON'T need friends like that. I dont care how long you may of known her.
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 23, 2021 at 20:58
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Oh yeah definitely will be nice about it. It’s like everytime I am with her she voices some opinion. And yeah my fiancé wants to tell her hell no to the liquor being smuggled in. He was not happy at all with any thing she has had an opinion about or the flasks. She brings up bringing a flask in everytime im with her it’s at the point I just want her to not even come but she just paid for her dress and I’d feel like crap if she didn’t get to be in it.
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Master October 2020 New Brunswick
Amelia · On March 23, 2021 at 20:52
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As much as I'd love to grab a bucket of popcorn and watch you tell her where to stuff her opinions, it's probably better to take a gentler approach.

Honestly I would thank her for her opinions, and tell her you'll talk to your fiance and then the two of you will make decisions about your wedding as a couple. It should remind her that she's not the one getting married while maybe letting her feel like you're hearing her and thinking about following her advice. As far as the smuggling of booze, I wouldn't be lenient at all. Remind her (and everyone) that it's illegal and could put the liquor license for the entire venue in jeopardy which would definitely ruin your wedding (odds are she wouldn't get caught, but it's better to have your bridezilla moment when it matters 😉).I'd also let another bridesmaid (or two) know so that they can side with you and squash down any ideas she might have if she tries to cause any drama. And if all that doesn't work, maybe suggest that if the party isn't up to her specifications perhaps she'd like to stay home and watch it via live stream with her own food and free booze.
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 23, 2021 at 17:35
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Hahaha 🤣 I like yours too though! Everyone has giving me great advice! And yeah people just don’t seem to care when it comes to how much you’re spending which is annoying lol
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Master June 2022 Ontario
Rayanne · On March 23, 2021 at 17:33
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It amazes me how fast someone can spend other peoples money as opposed to their own.... I think the others definitely put it nicer than I did and maybe listen to their advice first 😆
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Top August 2017 Ontario
Vinod · On March 23, 2021 at 17:07
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Your bridesmaid does sound to be a professional planner who wants to take over your day and have their vow renewal with you two paying. I see how enthusiastic she is about every detail and step to make your day making every decision better. At times, you need to say to yourself, don't say nothing to her if you want to hear feedback from her. Just be casual and talk about other things beyond the wedding avoiding questions when asked. Its hard to plan your own wedding when someone else seems to be interfering. You make the final decisions and say kindly I will take it into consideration.
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 23, 2021 at 16:49
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I did tell her at one point it was out of budget and she just said well then you should make it in your budget and cut something (which I have cut a bunch of stuff) but yeah I should say if she wants to do it as our wedding gift that would be great thank you!
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Master June 2022 Ontario
Rayanne · On March 23, 2021 at 15:46
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You could always tell her it's out of your budget but if she wants to give cocktail hour as a gift that would be great.....maybe she'll understand just paying for hubby and kids is better than paying for everyone....
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 23, 2021 at 12:01
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Yes I do! Just do me and what we already have planned thank you
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 23, 2021 at 12:00
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I should tell her! I want to but lately confronting people has been putting my anxiety through the roof but I think I need to. Like I don’t mind opinions of people but not for every little thing
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 23, 2021 at 11:59
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I really like this especially the “back the F off” part haha thank you
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Beginner May 2023 Alberta
Michelle · On March 23, 2021 at 11:57
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I like this idea just waiting to say decisions have been made and that’s it! Thank you
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VIP September 2020 Ontario
Geneviève · On March 23, 2021 at 11:44
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I agree with everyone, kindly tell her to butt out. We dealt with this from family so one thing we did was not tell the opinionated people what we were doing early on. We made our decisions, kept them to ourselves and when we did tell people, anyone who piped up with an opinion got the swift response of “That’s nice but decisions have been made”. They eventually get the hint. Good luck!
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Beginner June 2021 Alberta
Anah · On March 23, 2021 at 11:07
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I would say the next time she starts to bring up unsolicited advice/opinion: (insert name), thank you for your advice and support, I know you’re just trying to be supportive and help but (fiancé name) and I already made up our minds and will not be changing any of our plans. I’m going through enough stress and this conversation isn’t helping, please respect our wishes for our day. Then you can even be like... you already had your day let me have mine lol. (Ps back the F off) ok don’t say that but you can think it.
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Featured August 2022 British Columbia
Amanda · On March 23, 2021 at 10:43
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I would tell her how you really feel and that this is your wedding and not hers. You are planning your wedding the way you want. Stick to your guns and not let anyone make you feel like you need to do things a certain way.
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Featured September 2021 Ontario
Hank · On March 23, 2021 at 04:10
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Just straight up tell her that while you appreciate her advice, you have things planned your way for a reason and that you're sticking to your plans. You just have to do you.
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