Not seeing eye to eye

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I hear you with the feeling awkward about showers! And its tough because you know you should feel grateful for somebody wanting to throw you a party, and for people to shower you with gifts!

I didn't even want a shower, but my mom was adamant. So, after much discussion, we came to a compromise. we had a casual backyard BBQ couple's shower, with women AND men invited. I just really didn't want a suzie homemaker hen party. And you know what, it was super fun.

Chat with your inlaws. Express how grateful you are that they want to trow this event for you, but some of the traditions make you uncomfortable and you want to see if there's a way to compromise. Doesn't hurt to ask.

I agree that having people from the community attend even though they are not invited to the wedding can become awkward. Not only that it may make the others feel bad that they were only invited to the community shower. I think by explaining that it would make it uncomfortable for not only them but yourself as well to have a community shower, especially if there is a possibility that peoples feelings will be hurt.

View quoted message Exactly! I was starting to think I was being too stubborn about it but things have definitely changed since his parents got married 25 years ago!!

Really depends on what it is. there were certain things my fiance wants im and just like sure whatever i dont care! if its regarding your shower i would put my foot down polity and say its my shower i want certain people there and i dont want random people there. his parents already had their wedding their way this is your wedding it should be your way. i wouldnt want random community people at my shower.

View quoted message We have been agreeing on everything so far until talk of our wedding shower came up..his parents had a ‘community’ shower. (You May not have heard of them. I know I haven’t! But people from smaller communities will sometimes choose to have them). So it would be our families/close friends and people from the community if they choose to go. I’m against this idea and my fiancé didn’t like the idea at first but after being kinda pressured by his parents he’s now wanting to go that route. Personally, I really feel like a shower should be with family and a few close friends. It’s a good way for both families to meet for the first time before the big day which is pretty important! And I think having people from the community that we don’t even know that well giving us gifts (when they’re not even invited to the wedding) would be super awkward and uncomfortable.

Getting views on things that are important to you both will be hard to decide upon personal opinions. To make things come to a valid middle meeting point, get some samples or pictures of what is it to be decided and how small or big based on price is fair along with colours. Compromise on what you feel is needed, yet he feels the price is fair to pay than going overboard. Give and take is always given in the relationship, so the same can be done when it comes to decisions for events planned.

The same occurred when it came to cake decision, I know its wasted when more is there to see and eat in tiers. On the other hand, less tiers and enough to feed everyone is better for what you pay for in size. This debate went on for so long it was a question of showpiece caked over priced or just right amount and fair price.

Make a list? Then see what you guys want says in, and if there are any that you both really want to have a say in - then go into detail about what is important you have/get from that vendor.

For me I really wanted the colour plum, he really wanted the colour teal - compromise and use both! He wanted lots of guests and cheap budget, I wanted a grand venue with chandeliers - compromise and found a venue that fit our needs (just was outside of the city).

I was going to say everything Kelsie said! Like my venue was a non negotiable so he got sat on our first dance song etc!

I agree with Kelsie, I would sit down and determine what is the most important to each of you and see if there are ways you can both be happy.


If you're on opposite sides of the same issue ( number of guests for example) try to compromise. For example if you want a small wedding and he wants 300 people can you find ways to trim it down to a number in the middle?
The little things aren't always worth arguing about, and if he is really opinionated about something it is probably important to him so it might be worth it to let him a few little battles to save you both the stress and the fighting.
Is there something specific you aren't agreeing on?

When my FH and I reached discussions about planning that we just couldn’t agree on we made a list of what was important to us that we couldn’t waiver on.


For example, the photographer we were looking at was non negotiable for me. So my FH let me book our photographer and he got to choose our DJ.
For every thing I was able to choose, my FH got the choice on the next decision. Some of his choices have actually been the best ones!

Depends on what it is and how important it is to each of you and whether you can compromise on it.