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Kelly
Expert September 2019 Manitoba

No plus 1

Kelly, on May 28, 2019 at 14:43 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 12

We sent our invitations and the RSVPs are trickling in. We decided to only give plus ones to those in a relationship, or in some cases, where they might not know anybody at the wedding. Which, from what I've seen on here, is pretty normal, right?

My fiance's aunt, who is divorced, messaged my fiance asking why she didn't get a plus one. We haven't responded yet. She isn't seeing anyone. She'll know most of the people there, so its not like she'll be all by herself. Trying to find a polite way to say "sorry, we don't have room. Maybe if 10 people send their regrets we can let you know?" To all of you experienced in the "do I have a plus one" responses, I'm all ears!

The flip side to this is that we ended up having to send my fiance's cousin's invitation to her house because his cousin never got back to us with his address and his girlfriend's name. Because we didn't know her name, we put "and guest" on his invite. Betcha anything his aunt saw her son's "and guest" and got pissed that she didn't get one. But obviously he has a girlfriend....right? I just don't get why some people think they're owed anything at weddings...invites, open bars, plus ones, opinions lol....so frustrating.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Kelly, on May 29, 2019 at 15:52
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    Thanks everyone! Sometimes it helps to know you're not alone in these frustrations! We texted the Aunt back and said "We currently don't have any room for any more guests, and we weren't able to give everybody a plus one. If we receive a bunch of regrets, we'll let you know."

    I feel like that is nice and to the point.

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  • Veronica
    Super October 2021 Alberta
    Veronica ·
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    I agree with what everyone has said below and we going with similiar plans for our guests, if they are not currently in a relationship then no plus ones.

    I remember when a friend of mine got married, I was single, and she was not giving everyone a plus one and I freaked out (19 year old me lol) and she broke down and said I could bring a date if I was dating at that time. Long story short, I couldn't make the wedding after all (with enough time to RSVP no for her) BUT now that I am planning my own wedding and seeing the cost, I legit went back and apologized for being such a pain in the you know what. So rude of me to question that! Its interesting seeing things from the other side. Bottom line, whatever the bride and groom say, should go.

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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    We didn't invite guests of or plus ones.. honestly, no one questioned us so luckily we got to avoid those awkward conversations.. my advice to you though, is not to say IF you get a certain amount of declines you will consider letting her bring a date. Make the decision to not have dates and stick to it. If she is single and knows a lot of people there is no reason for her to want/need to bring anyone, I wouldn't bend on that and it just blurs the lines. Let her know that everyone who is single received an invite addressed only to them with no plus one because you are trying to keep numbers down and are hoping for an intimate ceremony that doesn't include randoms or tinder dates (ok maybe don't say that haha).. weddings are expensive, people tend to forget this.. You don't have much room and certainly don't have room for strangers that you may never see again.. There is nothing wrong with that.

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  • A
    Frequent user June 2019 Ontario
    Allyson ·
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    We chose to make similar decisions and when I texted a friend (who is not dating or seeing anyone) to check on her RSVP she responded with this...."Oooooh right lol... I'll be there! Might invite a friend if that's ok?!"

    I responded that we're not having friends/family bring dates or friends we didn't invite, we really want a small intimate wedding with those we care about.

    She was completely fine with that response. ❤️️

    I like it because it shuts down the possibility that there could be room if people decline etc.
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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    I would say exactly that, you don’t have room right now but if people rsvp no then you can let her know. Just let her know that you can’t guarantee anything.
    My husbands grandma did the same thing and then when we gave her a plus one, two days before the wedding she told us that she wasn’t going to bring her boyfriend anymore and we lost the money for his rehearsal dinner meal as well as the wedding day meal so we really wish we had stuck with our guns and kept her as a single invite (we didn’t know she had a boyfriend when we sent out invites)
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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    We're following the same idea for our guests and whether they get a plus one or not. Ultimately, it's all up to the couple, their budget and the venue.
    I would just tell her straight up : "Due to limited space, we had to cut down our guest list quite a bit, which also means that we aren't giving plus ones to our guests who are single. Rest assured that you will be seated with familiar faces during the reception!"

    I agree, some guests find ways to make the wedding about them. Some of them also think that if they are having issues with something, that it's also YOUR problem... Sorry, but it's not.

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  • Megan
    Curious November 2019 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    I like the idea of mentioning "maximum capacity for the venue" as it takes a bit of the heat off of you and your FH. I don't have other advice, but just in solidarity, the guest list is easily the toughest part of this wedding planning thing! So many random opinions! In the end, do what you and your fiance feel comfortable with and don't feel the need to explain yourselves too deeply.

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Well you definitely didn’t do anything wrong. And you’re right some people are so entitled when it comes to weddings. Anyway I suspect we may run into this issue as well.. we are being pretty strict with plus ones and kids’ of friends.. the whole guest list was a nightmare lol
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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    We are going to experience the same issue with my uncle who has been divorced, and isn't seeing anyone.

    I would talk to the Aunt and just let her know that you were limited on plus ones because of budget. If there is a big chunk that doesn't RSVP she could bring a guest. but at the end of the day it is what you and your FH want. Everyone is going to have an opinion!

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Completely normal for what you did - don't sweat it.

    Just have your FH call his Aunt and explain that plus one's were given to those who were in a serious relationship or wouldn't know anybody but the two of you at the wedding. Even add in there that you would have put his cousin's GF's name but he didn't get back with an address never mind a girlfriends name.

    I did the same thing - my cousin isn't married but has 2 kids around my age. She didn't get a plus one as she isn't in a relationship. Her son did because he is - but I don't know her name (not even listed on FB). Her daughter didn't get a plus one as she is single as far as I'm aware.

    We have already had a friend ask to bring their girlfriend and since we met her we said we could make room - but they are already broken up so....

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  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    We've just done the whole....

    "We quickly reached the maximum capacity for our venue. Unfortunately we had to limit plus ones to people in serious relationships at the time invitations were sent out. We hope you understand."


    We did open the dance portion of the evening to dates if people wanted. But most people so far have taken this pretty well.

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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    I think, in fairness, some people just like the option of bringing someone.

    Obviously, giving everyone a plus one isn’t always budget (or guest count) friendly so I definitely understand limiting the amount of extra guests.

    i think honestly, it’s your day - don’t let other people and their opinions affect you. You won’t please everyone, the most important thing is you and your partner being happy!
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