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Maya
Expert January 2019 Alberta

No children at the wedding?

Maya, on February 20, 2018 at 08:40 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 12
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Well my fiancé and I decided that we weren’t going to have kids at the reception dinner because it would cost half an adult meal for anyone 3+. I have seen people word it on the invitations that it’s an adult only dinner, but my mom seems to think that my native side of my family will bring their kids. What would people do in this situation if someone brings kids last minute?

Its not that I don’t like kids but when we started to create our list there was about 30 kids between the ages of 3-12 and that’s a lot. My mom also reminds me of when I was a kid and got to attend a wedding when one of the parents in the one parent family organization (OPFA) and how much fun we had. I kind of feel like my mom thinks I should be inviting the kids. I already have a very large guest list and some will just be invited to ceremony and dance because we can’t afford to pay everyone’s meal. I would love to be able to afford it but then I have to think of budget and how much we have to spend. I just don’t know how to deal with if people bring their kids, because the venue has said I would have to pay for anyone who attends the dinner.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on February 23, 2018 at 14:05
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    Hey Maya!

    We have a guest list of 119 right now, about 19 more than I wanted, and adding kids would instantly add over 30 guests to that. So we decided to have a formal, evening, winter wedding, without kids. This also allows parents to enjoy it, and not have to leave early as well.

    I'm including a details card with my invitations to express the adult only wedding. It reads:

    "In order to allow all guests, including parents, an evening of relaxation, we have chosen for our wedding day to be an adult only occasion. We hope this advance notice means you are still able to share our big day and will enjoy having the evening off!

    Brittany & Jory have registered with _______.

    Please visit their personal wedding website for more details and directions:

    https://www.weddingwire.ca/web/__________"

    If you're utilizing the Wedding Wire website, you can include all your extra details (dress code, registry, day of info, etc) on there...

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  • L
    Beginner July 2019 Ontario
    Leanne ·
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    A friend worded it simply on her invites after ceremony details:

    "Adult reception to follow"

    straight to the point!

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  • April
    Frequent user September 2018 Saskatchewan
    April ·
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    It’s smart to indicate no kids early. I would definitely tell people personally because the last thing you want is the added stress of extra people showing up. I also agree with the previous statement that weddings cost a lot more now a days vs 10-20 years ago. Hopefully everyone respects your decision because it is your wedding after all!
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  • Breanne
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Breanne ·
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    Agreed, so far we've been really lucky *knock on wood* and everyone that has children is super excited to have a date night out kid free.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    That’s a great idea! If I had a kid issue (don’t since my niece and nephew are the only kids we know) at my wedding I’d definitely do something like that!
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I've got that job assigned too lol if I have to send people home well not my issue, won't ruin my day lol
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  • Ap2017
    Super September 2017 Ontario
    Ap2017 ·
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    Doesn't sound mean! People need to respect the rules. Plus, who doesn't want a night out to enjoy adult company? I had my sister on kid-duty making sure none were brought along uninvited. She was ready to give the "adult reception" speech if needed.

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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    We are also having a no kids wedding. We are just going to politely mention on the invites that it is an adult event, make it a date night please leave the kids at home. There is a couple that I worry may want to bring their kids anyway, and if they mention to us they can't get a sitter or whatever else we unfortunately have to tell them that it is a strict no kids rule, so they will have to sort it out. If someone were to bring their kids anyway last minute even with the warning we will ask them to take the kids home after the ceremony. Unless they are loud and disruptive kids lol then they can go before the ceremony (sorry if that sounds mean)
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  • Breanne
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Breanne ·
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    Hi Maya,

    We are having an adults only (with the exception of FH niece and nephew who will have a part in the wedding)

    Other than his sisters kids there aren't any others in our immediate families - which I realize is definitely not the norm. If we invited our first cousins kids plus guests children we would be in the same boat as you and have around 25 extra little guests. Since 120 in our venue is already tight, that would be 25 adults we would really like to be there that would have to come off the guest list to accommodate the children (our venue considers over 10 an adult at full price which most of these kids would be - so not even half price meals!).

    The fact that we were looking at paying $2000 for these children to eat an adult portion made it an easier decision to decide on kid free- it has actually allowed us to afford an open bar. So far all of the people with children that we've let know it's adult only are actually excited about having a date night!

    We have decided to send out save-the-dates before the invites so that we can include a little Adults only note and give everyone a little more notice. I found a super cute wording that I will be handwriting (with names) on fancy paper to include with the save the dates:

    "Leave the Littles: We adore your children but are planning to have an adults only celebration. Please make it a date night!"

    I know a no kid wedding definitely doesn't work for everyone by we are looking forward to having a super fun wedding with all those grown ups we love.

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  • Breanne
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Breanne ·
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    This is a wonderful idea Sarah! I love it

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  • Ap2017
    Super September 2017 Ontario
    Ap2017 ·
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    Maybe you could designate someone in your wedding party to be on 'kid duty'. Keeping an eye out in case anyone shows up with kids and then politely letting them know that there are not meal accommodations made for anyone under the age of 18 (if that's your cut-off). You could have a whole thing worked out.

    I would make sure that you include that information on your invitations for sure. It may also be worth having a quick chat with people at a the next family function and explain to as many people as possible that although you'd like to be able to have kids there, it just isn't in the cards for you guys. People will think that you're excited to talk wedding planning but you're also getting your message out there to people about kids not being on the guest list.

    Mainly, stick to your guns and don't let anyone pressure you into doing what you want. When we were kids, weddings didn't typically cost $30,000 so kids got to go to a lot of them! You and your fiance made a choice that you feel is correct for your day and people need to respect that!

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  • Sarah
    Frequent user December 2018 Alberta
    Sarah ·
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    I am in the same boat. We decided to have all the kids meet at my house for a big cousin sleep over with pizza and movies. A lot more fun than a wedding.
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