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Sadia
Frequent user August 2021 Ontario

Need to get this off my chest

Sadia, on June 22, 2020 at 19:33 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 15
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Hi all you lovely brides! Hope planning is going well. I really need to RANT because I’m beyond upset... and I feel like no one else will understand me other than another bride herself. So my wedding was meant to be July 10 but with all this happening we postponed the reception and planned to have our ceremony in my parents backyard next Friday, the 3rd. Both my parents and my in laws were okay with the idea, and my parents began to plan and execute. With little over 10 days left we’ve paid for a tent, disposable masks, gloves, ordered food and purchased all our decorations. We’re in Ontario, btw. And our city was scheduled for phase 2 as of last Friday. So this permitted outdoor ceremonies of up to 50 people, including social distancing.

Today, my FIL calls my dad and tells him we can no longer proceed with our plans at my parents house because he did some research around town (they live in Toronto and they were still stuck in phase 1 until today’s announcement) and said that we can only have 10 people present. Of course, my parents are distraught. I’m hysterical. It feels like ever since we got engaged, his dad has been on a mission to ruin all or plans and make this the most MISERABLE time of my life. He had the audacity to even offer his “friends” backyard. So what the HECK ???!!? Why not let us have it in OUR backyard instead of a random stranger??

Mind you, my parents have paid for every single thing to make this ceremony happen. His parents haven’t even bothered to give them a call and ask them if they need help with anything. So I called my fiancé and (surprise, surprise) he had no clue what his dad was on about. His dad never keeps him in the loop and has severe control problems. Anyways. Fiancé ended up siding with his family and saying “how does the word outdoor include backyards?” And here I am like DUDE. I’ve seen tons of people on my Instagram feed having backyard graduation parties, bridal showers AND weddings. I’m so upset. TEN DAYS. Ten days away and THIS bomb is dropped.
Thanks for coming to my TED talk (rant).

15 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on June 28, 2020 at 13:58
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Omgg wow this is brutal!! toronto is in phase 2 now and were allowed 50 people to gather at social distance for a wedding. i would go ahead with it in my own backyard especially since your parents have paid for everything.

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  • D
    Frequent user June 2020 Saskatchewan
    Dawn ·
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    Glad i could help make you laugh in this gong show!
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  • Sarah
    Expert August 2021 British Columbia
    Sarah ·
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    This made me giggle 🤭 killing them with kindness is always the best.
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  • Sarah
    Expert August 2021 British Columbia
    Sarah ·
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    Has his dad always been like this towards you?I get it people are on edge with this pandemic but come on 10 days before your wedding is not the time to pull a power trip.If it’s not his yard I say carry on with the plans and if it is maybe look into the friends yard?
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  • D
    Frequent user June 2020 Saskatchewan
    Dawn ·
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    This is horrid! Id go ahead with your day as you planned and enjoy it. Id also sit down with your Fh and tell him how you feel and why things are going ahead as you planned. In laws are a coin toss sometimes you get great sometimes you get the black liquorice jelly bean. Enjoy your day as a big f you to your FIL! Kill him with kindness and love!
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  • Amanda
    Expert July 2022 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    Oh boy this is certainly not a good situation.

    Firstly, your Father-in-law should be speaking to his SON first and then your FH should be the one coming to you and speaking to you about anything so you both can work on a decision together.

    The fact that its THIS CLOSE to the date is mind boggling. You can hold up to 50 people for an outdoor ceremony and you are doing an outdoor ceremony, never mind a backyard its an OUTDOOR CEREMONY - That is just my two cents.

    Is this for sure cancelled now? I feel terrible for your parents. It takes a lot of planning and work to put things like this together. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

    I hope it gets better girl. I and WE are here to talk if you need us! Smiley heart

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Its terrible in the days your hear this news and having your FIL and fiancé turn against you about the backyard wedding. They don't even ask if there is anything they can help with the planning in the beginning and want to take over the whole thing. Just hard to take all this negativity in as the day is drawing closer.

    I do hope all goes well as you continue to make it happen in your backyard and not the in laws friend. Seems your family has more consideration than his at this point and not standing on your side (fiancé) supporting you.

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  • EEM
    Curious September 2020 Ontario
    EEM ·
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    Wow, I'm so sorry this is happening to you. At the end of the day, so long as your following restrictions and it's in your parents yard, it's up to you and your parents to decide what's best Smiley smile

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  • Britt
    Frequent user July 2020 Alberta
    Britt ·
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    Then he has no say. Your wedding has been thrown enough with everything going on & you deserve to have your day the way you want (providing you follow the new rules/regulations). Don't let his need for control ruin what will be a great day.
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  • Sadia
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Sadia ·
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    Yeah it’s definitely the control aspect. I ended up calling the Durham police and they assured me I could have my ceremony so hopefully there won’t be anymore last minute surprises!!
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  • Megan
    Frequent user April 2021 Ontario
    Megan ·
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    I'm so sorry that this is happening and complicating an already stressful situation. I agree with Hank though - you and your partner need to be on the same page in order to deal with unreasonable demands.

    I think there's a lot of misunderstandings and interpretations of the government guidelines (people tend to interpret it however they want). If you visit the Ontario government's website, it says that you can have a wedding ceremony outside with up to 50 people as long as social distancing measures are in place, however, wedding receptions are still limited to only 10 people regardless of if they're indoors or outdoors. But with that being said, I've heard that they're looking at moving to phase 3 in the next few weeks. So it could change again by your date!

    https://news.ontario.ca/mohltc/en/2020/06/ontario-eases-restrictions-on-wedding-and-funeral-ceremonies.html

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  • Britt
    Frequent user July 2020 Alberta
    Britt ·
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    It sounds like your FIL is trying to control the wedding (moving it from your parents, where they would be more or less in control, to a friend of his, so that he can be the one in control). I'm having my wedding in my MILs backyard, so it does happen.
    Do your parents have a big backyard or does your FIL think his friends yard would be bigger?
    I personally wouldn't change a thing. It's your wedding, your parents are the ones helping pay for everything, & it's 10 days out. If he wanted to be more apart of the process than he should've said something long ago. Your fiance needs to have your back & stand up to his dad.
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  • Amanda
    Devoted July 2020 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    Ugh, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this! I would be showing my fiance all the articles and guidelines from the government where it says outdoor wedding ceremonies up to 50 people. A backyard is outdoors!!
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  • A-W
    Frequent user May 2021 Ontario
    A-W ·
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    I'm so sorry you have to deal with that!
    I hope you can talk to your FH and get it straightened out because I don't have any idea why they would think a backyard isn't considered outside.... I mean, it's outside! If he needs some kind of reassurance the person hired to officiate or maybe the MP office in your area could be contacted and asked. That's so frustrating. Parents can be crazy Smiley heart
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
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    Not sure how your fiance can side with his dad. His dad's information is wrong. Period. When parents refuse to listen to facts and are stubborn in their way of thinking, it sucks. I'm sorry you're going through this. Managing parents can be like babysitting bratty children at times.

    I hope your fiance himself was not entertaining thoughts of backing out of this backyard ceremony, especially given your verified facts. The only solid way to deal with unreasonable parents is to be a unit with your partner.

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