Need guidance

Completely get how you feel - don't let others get in your head (I know, easier said than done...).

I'm agreeing with the others, this wedding is for you and your FH and that is it. Like Nadia said - I wouldn't tell them anything about the wedding other than the date and they can wait for the invitation in the mail. Almost feels like you need to write a mass letter to let people know that you hear what they are saying, understand their concerns, but at the end of the day the two of you love each other and you would really love their support going forward. Leave it at that though. No hearing more about it, they support or they don't talk about it.

Sorry you're feeling this way! Negotiating family input can be brutal. But I agree with the other ladies here - odds are you're not going to be able to make everyone happy so stick to your guns about the important things you really want! Then you can open up the floor to close family for input on the smaller details to make them feel involved. Remember, they've had (or will have) their days - this one is about you and your FH and you need to do what feels right for you. If eloping feels right, then do it! But if you really want a traditional wedding day, don't let your family bully you into doing something you'll regret.

My FH and I barely discussed our choices with anyone until we'd already finalized them and it's definitely saved us some headaches and made the process so far much more enjoyable. The real pushback came from some of his family when we told them we weren't having a great big Greek church wedding but that was non-negotiable for us so they eventually accepted it. We decided we'll compromise by including some other Greek elements throughout the day.

It’s quite insane how similar your story sounds to mine. I, too, have once lost the excitement of getting married due to people’s opinions and whispers. What I would advice you is, shut everyone out. Let them know nothing of your relationship and your future plans with him (that includes the wedding). If you do decide to have a wedding, then speak nothing of it till it’s time to send the invitations out.

Just take a moment to think about why you’re doing this and for who. Do what you feel is best for you and your FH and care less for what others have to say. Find that excitement and spark that you have lost. At the end of the day, this is your story to write so keep the pen in your hands only.

I have to agree with the other ladies. It is unfortunate that your family continues to push back on what should be a super exciting time in everyone’s life. But I think if you do the planning between the two of you and follow your own vision it may be less stressful.
Take the time to think about how you and your FH vision your wedding day. There is nothing bad about eloping too and then having a party after

Hey Kirsten,

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling torn up over everything.

I think Joannie is right - you need to plan the wedding the two of you want, without input from others. They can enjoy whatever you decide on the day of the wedding.

You still have a ways to go before your wedding date. It may be time for you and your other half need to sit down and figure out what's important to the two of you. What vibe and feel do you want? If you could plan the day without having to worry about anyone else's ideas or input, what would you do and how would it look?

There are a lot of people out there who still have very firm beliefs on how things "should" be done. Stop should-ing all over yourself and when others "should" on you, it's a great chance to set your boundaries with a "Thank you for your input. We'll make the right decision for us." (Or something like that.) It's tough at first but, as you're finding out, the alternative is getting pulled into a million little pieces.

When I got engaged, my cousins couldn't believe they weren't invited. We cut the list at aunts and uncles. They told me I couldn't do that. I told them they had the chance to come to my first wedding, 20 years ago and that this one is going to be small. One of them pushed back and I told them that if they were paying, they could make decisions about the size of our guest list. I'm paying for grad school and I'm paying for the wedding. There isn't a lot of cash to put into the wedding. Once they got the point, they haven't said another word since. Sure I was worried they'd react badly but, they're family and they got over it.

In the end, do what's right for you. But, it sounds like to do that, you need to figure out what that is - the two of you together. Then you can be a united front to the naysayers.

I had the same feeling for a while... it’s so sad that people can’t let you live this day as you want it. My fiancé was so sad about it and I was always upset about everything. We decided to stop talking about the wedding and they’ll see it on the day of, when they can’t play with our mind. It’s really unfortunate, but we felt that we needed to take a step back to remind ourselves why we were doing it in the first place. Since then, everything is going smoothly, we have a couple of good friend that we can exchange with and if anyone else ask I give them really brief answers so they don’t get mad about it, but they don’t get enough details to have an opinion