Need advice on policy for kids

You can’t really get a rough number of people invited if your not deciding if kids are allowed or not until the invites are already out. How will you know if your venue is big enough if you don’t at least have a rough estimate of people? This is why we are having only about 8 kids at our wedding. My nieces and nephew, one of my cousins kids (her daughter is my flower girl, and can’t have her without inviting her brother too) and then one of my bridesmaids is likely bringing her 3 kids because I am very very close with them. All other friends/families children are not allowed.

Yeah I agree with you, that's a recipe for drama. What I am doing because there are a few "little brats" in my family who as much as I love them, I would rather not have them there I did an only kids over 12. Which levels out to just my immediate family with the exception of people coming from out of town, and my MOH can bring her daughter bc she is our flower girl but still that's 2 four years old and a 2 year old.

I appreciate everyone's honesty. To clarify, I don't want do the case-by-case thing, but my FH wasn't really compromising on it. I will have to really be assertive in our next conversation about this....seeing all of your opinions, I feel more confident in my position of one way or another.
A couple people suggested a minimum age which is a great idea. Wish me luck!

You cant do that. Some people will assume you cant bring kids and they wont bring their kids the day of and then see other kids at your wedding and be like well why can’t I bring mine or how come so and so brought their kids. Or people will assume all the kids are coming and youll end up with a ton of kids and nowhere to seat them or not enough food etc. He needs to have a yes or no answer about everyone. I don’t think its fair to pick and choose who can bring their kids and who cant. Plus you don’t want all your guests texting back and forth asking if their kids can come or arguing with you when you tell them no. I haven’t done a case by case and I don’t think I would as it seems like a lot of stress. this is just me though

We are having kids at our wedding. Ultimately it is up to the guests with kid if they want to bring them or not. We are lucky, the youngest child coming is 8 (my daughter) the parents with younger children have opted to not bring them, they want a kid free night. Most weddings that I have been too that have kids, pretty much always turn out great, the younger ones love to dance which in turn gets everyone going.

I'm going to agree with everyone here. Some sort of policy is absolutely required. People are very accommodating when they know there are rules to follow (no kids under 10, 15, etc., or just kids of close family, not 2nd cousins and friends, whatever). But you need to have some kind of rule, otherwise it's just a free-for-all.

Not for kids (they were ALL invited to my wedding because I love kids), but we did case-by-case for plus ones. I only included them for family or friends who are in a serious relationship or if I know the person. I have had a few guests ask if their significant other can be invited and have said no to some (my teenage cousins), and yes to some (a family friend whose partner I don't know, but they've been together for years).

I definitely think you two should make a decision either way and stick with that.

I think going case-by-case is definitely a recipe for drama/disaster.

If you say yes to some parents but no to others, they'll most likely take offense when they see other kids at the wedding but not theirs.

A better way to go about it would be having a range (e.g. over 16) for kids if you are trying to avoid an age range (e.g. toddlers) or going all or nothing (all kids welcome vs. adults only).

We're doing over 16 since I have some younger cousins. There are a few exceptions - such as immediate family and wedding party. Also if any of our guests had a newborn 6 months or younger, we'd let them bring the newborn.

Casey,

Your going to get cornered by your guests because of your FH playing this game of kids or no kids game saying yes or no to being invited. You make the decision and say its kid friendly wedding and that's it. He can't say anything if he strongly feels he doesn't want kids invited otherwise, then it becomes an Adult Evening Strictly.

Start making the guest list and put whom you want to invite and let him choose who he wants to invite to the wedding and reception. Its not fair that you have to listen to this and have to guess what will try to come next along with him.

I did the same with my husband too on the topic of cake, not relating to your topic; the battle aspect. I put my foot down to say showpiece vs. actual amount to serve our guests. The same way he listened and agreed making the compromise towards my view. Come to a compromise that will have him say what's fair and agreed upon the guest list being kid friendly or Adult Evening only.

It is very difficult to have a case by case basis. You can address your invites to just the adults and some will be ok with their kids not coming and some won’t.
We stuck to immediate family children only. So that meant our nieces and nephews. Anyone else was not invited. Of course if someone had a new born that they couldn’t leave with other family we would be ok with that as long as we were asked and it wasn’t assumed.
We have gotten comments doing it this way, and I can only imagine the comments we will get on the wedding day when people see kids there, but this is our day and not theirs! Someone will always be offended regardless of what you do

This is a recipe for disaster and drama!

You can't assume that every guests with kids are going to ask you if they are invited. If they don't see anything specific, they might just assume that they are and show up with their kids. You're putting yourselves in a tough spot, having to explain "Oh this person didn't ask, so they brought their kids" when you told the other couple not to bring theirs... Or having to contact them after getting the RSVP and telling them that their kids aren't invited.

If you want to avoid drama and difficult conversations, you have to decide on kids before the invitations are out. If your FH is worried about wording and rubbing people the wrong way, then show him this article : https://theweddingplaybook.com/adults-only-wedding-wording/

We got our little wording from that article, basically letting guests know that only kids that are named would be invited.

We still got some family members and friends who have asked if their kids were invited and we kindly told them 'no' due to space. It was pretty painless, as they already knew the answer.

I'll wish you the best of luck. As a parent if you told me my children couldn't come and I got there and there were kids I'd leave. Take my gift (which is always cash) and not eat the food you paid for. Pretty sure it would end our friendship. You need to make a policy. Immediate family children, a certain age, no kids at all something to stick to.

This may be one of those times you put your foot down and make a call. Either you choose to allow kids or you don't, but you could really hurt feelings and cause damage to relationships by deeming that some kids can come and some can't.

It's very personal if you are picking and choosing which kids can come, leaving the 'why' questions is a dangerous game. If my (imaginary) kids weren't allowed but someone else's were I would be wondering if you thought my kids were bad? If you didn't like them? If you thought my partner and I were bad or irresponsible parents?

If kids are going to exceed your budget or venue capacity maybe consider opting against having them at all but if you couldn't imagine your day without someone's child consider letting everyone bring their children.

This is just my opinion though you really have to do what you feel is right for your wedding. Best of luck! I hope this works out seamlessly whichever way you go!

A case by case basis will definitely cause drama. I’ve seen people use an age range for kids.

Like 10 years old+ can come. Again, I think it’s easier to either let kids come and have the family choose whether or not to bring them, or state out right it’s an adult only affair.

I didn’t want kids at my wedding but my FH did. My FSIL and cousins just had babies so we ended up allowing kids to come. It’s easier this way - no drama (hopefully).