Need advice! help! venue/tent! the great debate!

There are some really compelling responses here and suggestions on how to make his family feel included. Maybe if you're planning to have an engagement party or bridal shower you can have those at his parents house? That way they get to 'host' something and your parents can still have their major contribution without straining their finances.

I would also stress the emotional angle as well. This is the place you grew up and you'll spend the rest of your life at his family's home, so it's a meaningful send off to your childhood home and into your new life. Sometimes the gravity of the emotions surrounding the wedding just don't occur to guys as much as they do to us.

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Hi Marissa,

Thank you for your reply.

That's definitely something to consider about having the rehearsal dinner at his parents house. My only concern is we will not be getting the tent until early evening and than set up like crazy time! Pictures are still up for debate but I am old fashioned and hope to do all the photos after the ceremony other than the separate ones of getting ready. First look photos I am not sure how I feel about these yet but I could see maybe holding hands in a doorway or handing over a letter things like that. Like I also messaged Sonja that I would consider getting married at one and the reception at the other. The gift opening/day after we will have the tent from Friday to Monday and this once it is set up cannot be moved and the idea is to keep it under one room. It's definitely going to be a crazy one but this isn't something I can talk to my family about as they are one sided and my friends don't really have an opinion so I've come to ask the help of other fellow brides like yourself and Sonja for help which is helping me slowly but surely.

Thanks again.

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Thank you for your reply Sonja.

I like the idea of this is the last time I can call this place "home" as my FH says after we are married chances are I will be spending less time than I normally do which is almost everyday. Also my parents current financial status isn't the greatest so it would be a way they could contribute without giving financially as they already are strained. As to having the after party at the in-laws' house that may be difficult as it would require another tent and that's another 2000.00 and another speaker system, etc. I have potentially thought of getting married at one place and having the reception at the other.

Traditionally, it is the bride's parents who pay for the wedding, so it wouldn't be too far a stretch to have the wedding at your parents' farm. Also, this will be the last time you can call this place "home". Would you consider having the after party at the in-laws' farm? Then the MIL could get it ready and still feel a part of the day.

From my POV the overall better option would be your parents place, although it is further it allows for people to stay there if need be, has larger indoor facilities, which depending on your numbers can be really important, and seems to be your dream. I would ask you FH if he would consider doing the ceremony/reception. At your place, and then as a suggestion maybe have the rehearsal dinner/gift opening at his parents house? Talk to him and tell him how you feel and how you really want both families to be included, but you aren't too sure how to go about it/compromise and see if you can work something out.
Also, are you do photos before the ceremony? Or all after? Or a mix? If you are doing first look photos etc I would suggest this:Rehearsal dinner at his parents.You get ready at yours, he gets ready at his. Travel to his family's place and have first look photos etc there, then travel back to your parents for the ceremony, more pictures, reception, etc. And the next day do the gift opening at his parents place.
I'm thinking if you did it this way it could mean a lot to both families. The heritage seems really important to both of you, and you can show that through the story of your photos as well. Him getting ready at his family home, you at yours, the photos at both, and by sandwiching the events at both locations.
It honours the heritage of both of your families, and it also honours the whole point/idea of marriage, that it is a time of two families coming together and becoming one.