Need a reality check

Sounds you and your FH have made up your mind and together it was said that your FSIL wasn't part of the wedding party. She needs to back off and focus on the kids. FH also needs to have a talk personally since its his family. His family also needs to realize thats its your day and what decisions you make are for the 2 of you.

The head table is how you 2 have set it and finalized it. I can probably guess your FH knows how you're feeling about his family at this point. It should be him to tell you that what matters is you and your calls on the wedding. At the same time, he should sit with his family alone to make them know they are wrong in their manners and behaviour.

Good luck and wish you all the best

When it comes down to it, those people standing next to you should be people that really matter to you. Just because he has a sister doesn't mean an automatic in to the wedding party. If your fiance's parents had two sons it doesn't been your FFIL would get to walk the bride down the isle... it's just how things go.

Wow you just made me feel better

Weddings are supposed to be happy, positive and fun not stressful. I sadly have only experienced negativity from everyone. So I understand you

Our siblings my brother and his brother are the topic of our family discussions. So I get it.

This is YOUR wedding day. Your FH sounds like mine he does not want to rock the boat and avoids any confrontation with his family. Mine goes out of his way for his brother, lends him money, always goes to his house, always calls, send him birthday wishes etc. Never reciprocated -ever. When his brother should be there for him such as important live events he is absent.

Unfortunately you cannot put rules in she is either in the party standing on FH side or she is not in the party.

You do not have to have her as your bridesmaid. If he want her as a groomsmen. You can advise her where the tuxes are being rented or the suits are purchased. As she is standing for him the guys and her can be standing in front beside him and the girls can walk down the aisle alone as an option. Or have her walk first alone and then the couples walk together.

I would be explaining your concerns to your FH and your FH discusses them with her or you discuss them together as a couple not on your own.

You can explain that " I have already chosen MY bridesmaids and MY maid of honour and the dresses have been chosen for OUR wedding." You do not have to justify why or who is in your party as this is YOUR wedding day. Perhaps you can ask her to do a reading "Love is Kind". Your party is people who have always been there to support you and that you are close to.

Good luck

This is a big deal because how your future husband handles his mother over your wedding is significant. He needs to step up and tell his mother that your wedding party will be decided by the two of you not her. Period. You do not want to set a precedent this early in your marriage of in-law meddling and HE has to stand up to her now.

This is YOUR wedding NOT your FMIL's wedding...Stand up for yourselves!!!

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Wow! Sounds like your FMIL definitely tried to put you guys on the spot during the speech, but it backfired on FMIL and worked out well for you!

I think having her do a reading would be perfect to help keep the peace, and you can always reassure your FMIL by emphasizing that being the sister of the groom is already an honor position and that she'll be included in family pictures and all the wedding events anyway as family!

View quoted message Glad it worked out... FMIL sounds like a peach.

So - we had our engagement party. And my FMIL in the middle of our thank you 'speech' asked us to name who was in our bridal party. I said my bridesmaids, didn't say my FSIL. My FH said his groomsmen, his sisters name wasn't part of it.

SO. She's not in our bridal party officially. FMIL was upset but hey - at least its all up there. We are going to ask her to do a reading at our ceremony though.

I agree she shouldn't be a bridesmaid... Not so sure about your rules if you guys decide she can be a groomsman:
-Having her walk by herself is fine,
-You should seat her at head table if she is in bridal party to do otherwise is mean... You can seat her at the very end... I do think she was mean to you by not sitting you with the family table at her wedding.

-She should be in all photos that involve the groomsmen, just get your photographer to sneek in a couple without her.
She sounds like a pain, and very unpleasant. You guys shouldn't just ask to get MIL off your backs. If he askes her, she should be included

It honestly sounds like a nightmare at the moment. My suggestion is to talk to your FH and tell him how you feel and be on the same page. For the fact you are not sitting at the same table is just wrong. In our situation he is an only child and I have one biological brother. He included my brother and he has a cousins he is close 2 and grew up with that we included as we spend every 2nd weekend with. But that was a joint decision. We are still struggling to figure out who his best man and one more groomsman will be so I can tell my maid of honor and other bridesmaid will be. But it is our wedding not there's. If he is wanting to include his sister in it somehow my cousin didn't have me in her wedding party but had me do 2 readings for her during her ceremony. My parents when they got married both the mothers didn't like either of their children's choices of spouses. My baba until this day 32 years later of marriage still puts in my mothers card Lidna and its Lynda. Set the stage in a polite manner. Me and my mother have a rocky relationship and right now I'm sure picking location of our wedding will cause hurt feelings soon too as both parents have lovely places.

You'll get through this. Stay strong.

Vanessa

That can be a really difficult situation. My FH and I have very few arguments, but when we do, it is because he's either missed a deadline or I feel like he's taking his family's side over mine. There are two schools of thought on this: 1. Its one day and it is less about you and more about your families or 2. This is the stage being setting for your marriage. I am of the second, which includes in my mind the happiness of my families as they are part of our ongoing marriage, but that doesn't include you getting run over by his families ideas. If it helps, my FMIL has recently and rather suddenly turned against me (we get along great normally so the whole family is pretty shocked) and I've been thinking about it a lot. I think part of the problem is that there's this saying that daughters are daughters forever, while sons are only sons till they are wed. It can be really hard for mothers to let go, but now is as good a time as any and you have to know that you FH is on your team always. It doesn't sound like there is any actual reason for you to say yes to his sister being a bridesmaid, and your FH should choose his groomsmen with your thoughts in mind.

I agree with Andrea in this matter. What you do now will set the stage for how much control your FMIL has in the future. If you don't want the FSIL as a bridesmaid, be firm and say you've given it some thought, but your answer is no. You already have the 4 bridesmaids you've chosen, and that is all. No discussion about this anymore. Don't feel guilty for having your wedding the way you want it.

I would start by having a very honest conversation with your finacé. If he truly doesn't want to include her in the wedding party then you two should stand your ground and do so firmly. How you interact with future in-laws (or pushy relatives in general) can set the precedent for future interactions. If your future in-laws have strong personalities and opinions, then making sure they understand that you will stand your ground on important issues will go a long way toward establishing boundaries in the future. Basically, if they walk all over you now, they'll continue to do so in the future because it's proven to be an effective strategy to get what they want.

I know it can be uncomfortable to bear the brunt of their...pushiness (if that's a word!) but it will pay off in the end.

Plus, it sounds like the SIL doesn't seem to really mind not being included. So if that's the case, then even better!

Do your wedding your way! Make concessions for the only other person that counts - your fiancé! My thoughts on the rules you laid out - please don't take this the wrong way!! - but they sound a bit like giving in to the MIL while trying to appear that you haven't given in and it may become an opportunity for an argument to start. Stay strong! It will be worth it in the long run!

It's your wedding and it should be yours and your fiances choice to have whomever you want in the wedding party.

So sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know it may be difficult to do, however have you actually asked you FSIL how she feels about the situation? I know you don't get along but maybe sometimes it's a matter of asking and then providing her with your perspective on your decisions. Then, talking it over with your FH you can explain that you spoke with her. At the end of the day, it is your wedding, but you don't want there to be drama on the day. Best always to try and sort it out a head of time. Good luck with everything!

I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this. It sounds like your FSIL is okay with not being in the wedding party. And it sounds like your FMIL has more of an issue with it than anyone else. Your FH should be supportive and stand by you on your decision to not have her in the party, despite his mothers influence! The bridal party is supposed to be about those who the bride wants close to her on the day. And if your FSIL is not in that group, so be it!
I have 5FSILs with whom I am close, but none of them are in our wedding party because my friends whoI've been close with longer are the ones I want with me on that day.
I wish you luck in dealing with this. Just remember, this day is about you and your FH and what you want!

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can understand how you are feeling. Some of your FSIL's behaviour is just rude (not seating you at the family table) but she clearly isn't that bothered if she hasn't said anything to you about the bridesmaid situation. I think this is a classic case of someone else's expectations being dropped on your wedding. We have all encountered this at some point even on tiny things (I didn't want a cake for my wedding and my mum was shocked and said there had to be a cake. Found cupcakes I like so she is now happy.)
I think you need to sit down with your FH and come up with a united front to present to his mum. I always think the best policy is to be honest with people but I would say that you should maybe let your FH do the talking since this is clearly something that upsets you. As long as you guys are united and stick to your guns you shouldn't really have any more trouble dealing with these issues.
I would also tell your FH all your concerns regarding this issue. I will say though that laying down rules may make things worse instead of better.
If your FH does decide to include his sister as a groomsmen (to keep the peace) I would suggest asking her to wear a suit like the rest of the groomsmen. That way there will be no confusion in the pictures.
Best of luck and let us know how it goes.