My parents helping vs in laws

We r paying for our wedding -

I agree Lisa

Amen! This is so true. Negative energy attracts more of the same!!

Awesome comment, I am adding this : I understand the situation can be stressful.

I recently learned that what people think of me is none of my busssiness, if the in laws don't like me it's too bad for them, the most important thing is that I make their son happy not them! I used to try too hard for people to like me. I am who I am take it or leave it! Also attitude is a big thing, negative energy feeds on negatives vibes you don't need that you have enough to worry your couple need to focus on each others. Let it go breathe and smile, this will make a world of difference.

Very good advice. Well put! Family or anyone should never be treated differently because of their financial contribution or lack thereof.
I love how your family is dedicating their time to making items for you! How lovely!!!

Not everybody can contribute financially. Traditionally the bride's parents pays for the brides wedding.

Now days most couples pays for their own wedding.

My parents can't contribute financially and his parents could but we would never dare to ask! we would never expect them too. It is our choice to get married and we don't want to put them in a financial burden.

Money should never been requested only accepted as a gift or if asked.

It is your choice to get married to treat family differently because they can't contribute financially will not help your relationship with the in laws, specially if they already opposing with you marrying their son.

If they don't contribute financially but they can contribute with their time and support to me it's so much more!

For example my mother will be crocheting the table cloth for our table and my Step father will be making the cake stand.

Wishing you best!

U are absolutely right. Thank u very much.

Amen Melissa!!!

It is perfectly fine to accept a gift- I didn't even try to say no when my parents offered to contribute to our wedding.

I think the concerning part of your post was whether you should treat your future in laws as family at the wedding or demand money from them.

As far as you FSIL being a BM- if she still has not answered you, I think you should talk to your FH, and accept that she does not want the position. That is OK to do.

The bonus of your in laws not offering money to contibute to your wedding is that they do not get a say in planning. You and your FH can make a guestlist of only who he would like from his side, without their input. If they ever request additions you would be justified in saying "we asked for input, but unfortunately it is too late now, as we have finaliazed our guest list" . Or just "we will consider that"....you don't need to wait for their opinions. I hope your Future in Laws come around, and give you a chance, but don't let poor attitudes spoil your wedding and engagement. Lean on your FH and take pleasure in knowing you will be married- that is what matters.

I don't expect anything from anyone and I always say no but they insists. His family don't take the chance in knowing me. I can only try so much. But now the FH is getting upset with his parents as they keep beating around the bush as he wants help in a list of his family to invite and his sister is being hard headed and not getting back to us about her being a BM and her kids being a part of our wedding. It just seems like a cluster. But I agree with u ladies. Totally. Planning a wedding is turning into a nightmare.

Agree with previous posters.

I think that a contribution of money from anyone is wonderful- but never should be a requirement, or even asked for. Your future in laws are you FH's family, and soon to be your family, and whether they contribute to the wedding or not, they should absolutely be treated as such. It is unfortunate that they do not approve of your marriage, but give them time to come around. Demanding money and treating them as less than family will not help your case.

A wedding is a cost that a couple takes on themselves. If family offer money, the couple may choose to graciously accept, or respectfully decline- but never expect or demand that someone give their hard earned money to you for your wedding.

Lisa nailed it, no one SHOULD pay for anything in YOUR wedding. Just because your parents are being very generous does not mean that your FIL's should be treated any different because of that. I think you should be grateful for the gift you've been given and not mention a word about your parents contribution to your FIL's.

I also think that you should give them the chance to know you! They are your FH's parents and a part of his life.

I think it's great that your parents gave you a gift. But under no circumstance should they NOT be treated as family because they don't give you money. However, if they don't contribute then they have no say in the planning. But I would never treat anyone differently based on what I get or do not get from them.