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Bonnie
Beginner June 2019 Ontario

My husbands restrictions

Bonnie, on March 15, 2018 at 11:41 Posted in Beauty 0 32
For our wedding FH has given me some “rules” for our big day

NO fake nails
NO fake lashes
NO hair extension
hair MUST be down

Says he wants me to look like myself and not something I’m not.

i just want to feel good, I have terrible nails, I’m a nurse and they get eaten alive by hand sanitizer, and my hair is very thin and very fine and not very long because it doesn’t grow well. I don’t want to look crazy

32 Comments

Latest activity by Janaya, on September 15, 2018 at 14:59
  • Janaya
    Expert August 2019 Saskatchewan
    Janaya ·
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    I don't think he should be telling you how you're allowed to look on your big day.. however keeping it simple and still looking you is a great idea, but if having your nails painted and your hair done how you want makes you feel good and pretty? he should support that Smiley smile


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  • Alissa
    Frequent user September 2020 British Columbia
    Alissa ·
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    Do what you are comfortable with. Its your day too. My FH would say the same but I know if I just rolled out of bed on our wedding day he'd be horrified haha. A lot of the time when they hear "fake" anything it scares them. They picture clown makeup and long claw nails. Besides I know so many women who's husbands "dont let them" do things like botox and lip injections, but they dont even notice when their wives have it done! Everything in moderation! He loves you, he wont leave you over shellac and a little blush!
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  • Jessica
    Super March 2018 Ontario
    Jessica ·
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    I have never worn fake lashes before and when I told my fiance I would be wearing some on my wedding day, he looked at me and said, "It's not you". When I did my makeup trial, I loved the look of the lashes so I went back home with full makeup on and showed him and he said it looked really nice and was surprised.

    Maybe do a bit of a trial (with the exception of hair if you want to keep some surprises) so he can see what you would look like. It may change his mind

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  • Cherry
    Devoted October 2019 Quebec
    Cherry ·
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    Men don't know anything bout the stuff we want. Personally I think it's not the time to argue now. Wait until you had your makeup trial. You do what you want and how you want it on that trial and see his reaction. Good chance is, he might like what he sees. Then you won't be wasting time arguing with him.

    If he doesn't like what he sees, then tell him it's your special day too and you want to look a little different than any other days. I hope he would come to his senses and not too micro managing you. After all, you are both adults and have the freedom to choose what you want or do not want.

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    Eeeeek.... that's like a list from hell for me...

    My FH is probably a similar idea... where he doesn't want me to end up looking like a pageant queen or something... but my nails hardly grow, so I usually have gel nails (I've taken them off about 6 weeks ago, and I'm going to leave them natural for as long as possible, but I know I'm gonna get them for the wedding)... my lashes are so short... my hair.... well it's long enough, but extensions would make it thicker for the wedding...

    Honestly, we are leaving for our honeymoon the day after the wedding... and we are spending 11 days in the Caribbean. Getting a fresh set of nails, lash extensions, and tape in extensions would be a great way for me to not have to worry about make-up or anything for the honeymoon.

    Men sometimes think that all of that stuff piled up will make you look gaudy, but the truth is, if you get it done right? You will just look like the most beautiful, naturally enhanced version of yourself.

    Note: Hair down in June? It might frizz, fall (if you curl it)... or if it's just down and straight.... you won't look any different than any other day... Personally, up-dos for a wedding are better because it will look essentially the same from start to finish in all your photos.

    IMO, everything you listed could be done in a natural, understated way, but for photos you will stand out more, and in your mind, you'll feel more special/like a bride. This is your wedding day... It's supposed to be special/different. Tell him it will just be an enhanced version of you.

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  • Jocelyn
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Jocelyn ·
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    Nail problem is easy: get a shellac manicure.

    hair: maybe a 1/2 up, 1/2 down?

    im personally a lover of minimalist makeup (i dont even wear blush or lipstick!) & a more natural look is what im after for myself, refusing to cave in and get super glammed up.
    you do you and remind him its what YOU want, not for him to decide!
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  • Jenn
    Frequent user March 2019 Ontario
    Jenn ·
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    I agree!! I want full glam 😂.....my fiancé had suggested the natural look would be best, but I’m not convinced lol
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  • Jocelyn
    Expert August 2018 Ontario
    Jocelyn ·
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    My FH's only request for me was no veil, and I told him i never planned on one. all i asked for from him was that he wears his Formal Dress Uniform from work- he's an Army officer (and a damn fine one at that).

    My husbands restrictions 1
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  • Eimear
    Curious June 2018 British Columbia
    Eimear ·
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    If my Fiance told me I couldn't have fake nails, lashes or tan we would be having some big problems LOL!! He knows I feel so much prettier and confident with these little touches and is excited for me to shine like a diamond on our wedding day. In regards to the hair extensions for some up styles you need to have them added for fuller volume. I say you do you girl!!!

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  • Lynnie
    WeddingWire Admin October 2016 North Carolina
    Lynnie ·
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    Well said Cathrine!!!

    If you ask my husband he says he prefers me with no makeup on... but I know that's lie! Smiley winking Like a lot of guys he likes the "light / natural makeup" look that I wear every day, that's actually still a decent amount of makeup (eyeliner, shadow, mascara, foundation, powder, blush).

    When I talked about getting fake lashes and airbrush makeup and all these things you can tell he was super skeptical, but it's one of the reasons I showed him my hair and makeup trial! To say "hey - actually this is what 2 hours of professional hair and makeup looks like"!

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  • Cathrine
    Devoted April 2018 Ontario
    Cathrine ·
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    I am worried about relapsing after the wedding but I’m thinking maybe regular manicures will help. If there isn’t an edge or chip for me to pick at, I tend to leave them alone.
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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Oh I wish that had worked for me. I did pretty well leading up to the wedding but I started again and really want to stop.


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  • Cathrine
    Devoted April 2018 Ontario
    Cathrine ·
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    Lol. This is going to sound so vain, but once the ring was on the finger I knew lots of photos were going to happen and I wanted my hands to look good. For this first time in my life I just stopped and haven’t started again. So no real big secret, just vanity.
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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    Total tangent: how did you stop biting your nails?

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I agree with most of what has already been said. I think you need to tell him that you are still going to look like you but you will do these things because they will make you feel beautiful and more confident during the wedding.

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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    It's your decision to do these things. I would go with whatever makes you happy and will make you feel good that day.

    I am also a nurse so I feel your pain with the hand sanitizer. I will be having fake nails for the day of. I wear lash extensions all the time to save on having to wear mascara as I don't have time to apply it before work in the morning. Hair extensions are hard to wear on the day of the wedding. They are heavy and they cause headaches. Meet with your hair stylist to see what they can do for you to make your hair look fuller on the day of your wedding, even with it being down.

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  • Rayann
    Curious July 2019 Ontario
    Rayann ·
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    I think you should do what you want and look how you want. If you want fake nails, go get fake nails. Hair extensions? Get them. Its your big day and you want to look your best. Honestly, either way he is going to think you are beautiful once he sees you all done up and in your wedding dress.

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  • Rosalyn
    Devoted August 2018 Alberta
    Rosalyn ·
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    I would be screwed if he was my FH! I want to feel beautiful on our wedding day!

    - I have white/nonexistent eyelashes and mascara always leaves me racooned (even water proof) so I’m getting lashes (as I always do).
    - I have incredibly thin hair and I know as well as my stylist that my hair falls flat in 20 min so extensions will help fill it out
    - I mean I don’t want fake nails but a good shellac polish isn’t ridic!

    -hair down!- depends on your dress and what you are comfortable with.


    At the end end of the day you want to do things that are going to make you happy and feel beautiful. Maybe sit down with him and tell him your thoughts. This is also YOUR day so you can do what you please! I agree with not wanting to look different than yourself but that doesn’t automatically make any of these things void!
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  • Renee
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Renee ·
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    Maybe you can find a compromise. Tell him you will get a bridal trial for hair and make up, and also do your nails that how you would like for that day. (or have some pics) then, come home and show him how it would look. Maybe what he pictures in his head is wild and crazy and he doesn't know that all of these things can still look natural too. You just want to enhance your beauty!

    Hubby had some "requests" for me too such as the type of dress and hair style and we have had compromise. That's the best way
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  • Lyla
    Devoted July 2018 Alberta
    Lyla ·
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    You are only supposed to be married once.. even if you don’t dress up crazy all the time, this is your one day to feel like a queen.. go the whole nine yards If it makes you happy, I’ll be having my hair, makeup, and nails done.. I do it on a daily basis, but regardless, I’m doing it because I want to. Try explaining to him that you want to for yourself, if it were up to you, you would do it more often. This is both of your guys’ day, every single bride wants to look her best. You only do it once!
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I get where he is comt from with him wanting you to look like yourself but if my fiance said this to me I'd probably postpone the wedding so he can get his head back on straight. The reason I am getting my makeuo, nails and hair done all different is because I want it to last the whole day and to look good in the pictures. It is 100% doable to have all that "fake" stuff and still look like yourself. It's both you day and it's probably the only day you'll ever get the chance to look like you live in a fairytale. Explain to him how you can do all this and still look like you and don't let anyone give you rules for your day, not even him. You are a team and teams don't restrict each other, even if he's trying to come off nicer than it seems.
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  • Kayla
    Devoted September 2017 Alberta
    Kayla ·
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    This. 100% this.

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  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I don't like how he has given you "rules" for how to look on your wedding day. I understand about loving someone for their natural beauty, however, he should also love you no matter what you look like. If that means you're going to be glammed up for your wedding to feel your best or wearing a burlap sack on the big day, so be it.

    You should have a conversation with him and explain to him how you feel about these "rules".

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  • Amanda
    Frequent user September 2018 New Brunswick
    Amanda ·
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    My opinion is that weddings are stressful for both parties, even though as brides we feel the brunt of it. For example: my FH HATES getting pictures done, so I know we need to have a detailed conversation (maybe more than one) about what is going to happen in terms of photography so as to avoid him putting on a temper tantrum like a toddler in the middle of our day.
    Another example, I have my mother standing up with me and I wanted him to have someone stand up with him for symmetry, I didn't realize it was as big a deal to him as it was so I kept pestering him thinking he'd cave.
    Long story short: it's an important day for both parties and both parties have an image of what they want in their mind. Biggest thing is to talk about what is NEEDED for both people.
    I can identify with you. My FH has said certain things he wants (natural makeup, not a ridiculously frilly dress) but We've both agreed on these things beforehand
    Maybe negotiate with him? You'll get natural makeup and agree on a hairstyle in return for gel nails?
    I hope that made sense :p
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  • Tatiana
    Expert April 2018 Ontario
    Tatiana ·
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    My FH had similar ideas as well, for example for my nails i'll still have them done but no length added and a natural looking french. that way i still have a manicure and my nails look great but they are natural looking. I don't know maybe there are little compromises like that along the way. I think he loves you for you so on such a special day he doesn't want to feel like he is marrying a stranger but you primed lol, anyway that is my opinion, at the end of the day you need to do what makes the two of you happy Smiley smile

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  • Cathrine
    Devoted April 2018 Ontario
    Cathrine ·
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    My FH isn't a fan of makeup and would prefer that i don't wear any, which is usually how i roll anyways. For the wedding though, i explained that i need to have makeup on and probably more than he's ever seen on me before for the photos. He gets that and wants me to do what will make me feel the best on our day. The key thing though for me, is to still look like me, but just primed for photography.

    I think your FH needs to calm down about things and you and him have a talk about what you want and perhaps give him examples. Let him see your nails manicured with maybe a shellack coat (new thing i learned going for my trial nail appointment). I'm a recovering nail biter so my nails are some what brutal. Doing the polish with shellack looked amazing! You couldn't tell they were peeling and cracking.

    Think about what you want and then talk it out. Marriage is about compromise, meaning on both sides. Maybe no fake lashes but you get your hair done. Talk it out.

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  • Jodi
    Frequent user September 2018 Alberta
    Jodi ·
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    I agree with the other brides-but maybe its coming across a little harsher then his intentions that he thinks your beautiful naturally.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    I understand what you mean, my FH says the same thing about looking like me. He thinks when I overkill my makeup it doesn't look as nice. He didn't give me any rules though regarding the wedding day on how I look. Have you explained to him the way you explained to us on how you will feel due to not doing those things?

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  • TrixJelly
    Newbie August 2018 Ontario
    TrixJelly ·
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    I would not be okay with this at any time. My partner thinks I'm beautiful no matter whether I'm wearing a crapload of makeup or not, but he would never dictate what I could or could not wear or how to wear my hair. This is a little red flaggy. Maybe step back and talk to him about why he has issues with controlling how you look.

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  • Maegan
    Super July 2018 British Columbia
    Maegan ·
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    It seems a overkill to me to have all these restrictions.... I understand wanting to look like yourself but hair up or down doesnt really change how you look??

    Also you can still get your nails done without getting 'fake' nails Smiley smile
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  • Michelle
    Super September 2018 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    Umm I would not be ok with this to be honest..... I completely agree with Jen! I think if he said "as long as it looks natural" then I would be ok. Like no HOT PINK nails/lip stick then ok that's a fair request. But have "restrictions" and not a request is a little much!

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  • Jen889
    Devoted May 2018 Quebec
    Jen889 ·
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    Seriously?! He realises this is also your day. You want to feel confident and beautiful. You'll still look like you, have you explained this to him? I'm sorry, but if it was me I would just do what I want. Do what would make me feel good. I don't mean to sound rude, but it's a bit controlling of him to put "restrictions" on you.
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