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Kelly
Expert September 2019 Manitoba

More guest list demands

Kelly, on June 21, 2019 at 13:19 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 29
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I had thought that since the invitations went out, we wouldn't hear anymore from the parents about who we HAVE to invite. WRONG! Will it ever end?

My mom asked the other day if we received any regrets to let her know because there are 4 more of my parents very good friends that they feel should be invited.

We actually need more than 10 people to say no before we can invite any more people. We made a huge mistake when making the guest list because technically the hall fits 140 guests, we invited 137 thinking we were golden, then realized when creating the seating chart that part of that 140 includes people sitting at a head table. We're doing a sweetheart table. So we're about 10 people too many at the guest tables now.

So I told her that. And I had to say there was a bit of a waiting list already....My fiance's aunt who is divorced asked if she could bring a guest. My mom said "Well the answer HAS to be yes!" Does it?? Why? She is single, and will know lots of people there.

My mom seems to be under the impression that we have an unlimited amount of room at our wedding. The truth is, there are some friends of ours who we would LOVE to invite, but weren't able to. We'd rather invite more of the people that are important to us than some friends of my parents that we see once a year.

29 Comments

Latest activity by Rayanne, on July 24, 2019 at 23:43
  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne Online ·
    • Dispute
    We are paying for our own wedding so we get to invite our guests. We told each parent they could invite one extra couple. My mother said its my wedding and not to worry about anyone else. Not sure about FFIL he went to Spain for his friends children wedding. I'm sure that couple will be at ours which is fine.
    • Reply
  • Taylor
    Devoted October 2021 Alberta
    Taylor ·
    • Dispute

    The only people in my opinion that HAS to be there are the parents. I have both our parents,our siblings,my grandma and great aunt (because im extreamely close to my great aunt and my grandma) and then we each have our best friends which are our BM and MOH. We are debating having his sisters new step kids because they would be the only minors. but we are looking at less the 25 people.

    • Reply
  • Lussierk00@outlook.com
    Curious January 2020 Manitoba
    Lussierk00@outlook.com ·
    • Dispute
    I agree with wahr you said about your aunt bringing a guest.

    My "plus one rule" is if the person is in a committed relationship, obviously they are both invited; they're a couple. If the person is single and doesnt have any other friends or family there they know, yes let them bring a plus one, whether that's a date or just a friend. I'd rather that person couple with a guest I don't know than not have them there at all. But if they are single but know a bunch of people there, what's the point of a plus one? It shouldn't be uncomfortable or lonely for them, so they dont need to bring an extra random guest just to add costs.

    It's also super important t to draw the line with your mom sooner rather than later! Having more people than you can fit is a serious issue and you really need to prioritize! She needs to understand not everyone she cares about can come and that's just the reality of it.
    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Super June 2020 Alberta
    Chelsea ·
    • Dispute
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    I would snap, crackle and pop. i would LOSE IT.
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    I like how you think and to those who seem to be out of their mind to say hey i will bring another person cause i feel like it. NO WAY!!!

    Good to know your putting your foot down on telling those with more than just listed NO and accepting others based on your request.

    The fact that your putting the table of FMIL and FFIL friends at the furthest end to make them feel unimportant and away from everyone else you want present. I do agree on the fact that the parents want to show their respect towards their friends over yours.

    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Totally agree that if you’ve never met them/don’t know their last names, then they are not important enough to be at your wedding. My FMIL and FFIL have also invited a whole whack of people that are not important enough to actually be there and they’re being sat at the worse table hahah.
    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
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    Right ? And for me it’s having the gall to literally scratch out the rsvp card and add more people. They could have called and asked if they can bring a date or their child or etc .. Any of the ones with children we called as we are having a child free wedding. Some of the plus ones as well. With exception of one who atleast didn’t cross it out and just didn’t read the whole thing .. we told her if enough people say no we will consider it. We just received another today. Where a couple added on my fiancé’s 25 year old cousin ... who wasn’t invited and just got out of rehab. Not sure yet how we are going to address that one. . .
    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    My MOH and I had were talking about that the other day. Her in laws were particularly invasive and opinionated during her planning. Every decision was met with criticism. So many guest list demands. She told me that she realized that her wedding became less about her and her husband, and more about the parents getting to show off for their friends.

    I'm totally getting that vibe from my mom too.

    I also realized that the people she wants me to add to the guest list, I don't even know their last names. That's an automatic cut, right? lol

    • Reply
  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
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    View quoted message

    Insanely rude. I can't believe there are so many people who feel they are owed things at other people's weddings (plus one, open bar, etc).

    Did call them and say "sorry but no"?

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    At least people are asking you... I have literally had 5 different people send back RSVP cards where they cross out the number of seats reserved and add a plus one or their child...

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Its a good thing you did say a few/some friends that are close to her. Give her an exact number and addresses to provide to you. Your hall is limited and letting her to have her friends to attend. You have a generous heart and keeping it limited as it should be that way.

    If the list seems longer than what you expect it to from her, ask her to cut it down to what you can fit. She fights back with words, just cut out yourself and she will see the ones you invite.

    • Reply
  • Sharlene
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Sharlene ·
    • Dispute

    Dealing with demanding people can be challenging. I would kindly tell her exactly what you said here. It is your and your husband to be day and the guest list should be yours to determine. I am very happy that my parents didn't make any special requests of us (even after they gave us $1,000). We also elected not to have a seating chart which I decided early on would be too much stress for us - two reserved tables for family and our head table, the remaining guest will seat themselves!

    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute

    Oh god, your mother is a funny one. I think at some point over the years our parents forget how stressful the planning of theirs was, so when it comes time for their children's wedding they're just demanding for no reason.

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Super May 2022 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute

    I think with you at your max capacity that says it all. There is no room for extras and that's that!

    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    For sure! We're sending out our invites in mid July, hopefully people will RSVP ASAP.

    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    Totally get it - I have people asking for plus ones and my FMIL wanting to invite more people... I said she could invite a few friends and it's all "well if I invite this person then I have to invite these people too!"... like... sorry but we have a waiting list so keep your number down until later? Yet here I am, she still hasn't provided addresses so they haven't been invited anyway Smiley tongue

    • Reply
  • Tara
    Curious July 2022 Alberta
    Tara ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message
    We are doing the same for B-listers. We have 70 max we are inviting, with 14 expected to “decline” (due to location and travel only). This leaves me with 14 seats I CAN fill with B-listers - but only if they decline!

    also, remember if you’re sending out two rounds, that your first A-list set should go out around 12 weeks with replies set by 8 weeks before. Then B-listers about 6 weeks with RSVP by 4 weeks.
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute

    Definitely stand your ground! You're already over your hall's requirements so I would limit your B-list invites.

    My parents keep asking if I'm doing a b-list. We have 145 invited but we're hoping for around 120. 90 is our guaranteed minimum so if we dip below that, we'll send out B lists.

    • Reply
  • Donna
    Devoted July 2019 Ontario
    Donna ·
    • Dispute

    I agree with Tara don't be pushed into inviting your parents friends if you don't know them after all it's your BIG SPECIAL DAY not theirs. It's your choice but remember you should know the people coming to your wedding. good luck

    • Reply
  • Tara
    Curious July 2022 Alberta
    Tara ·
    • Dispute
    I hope this may help.

    More guest list demands 1
    • Reply
  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
    • Dispute

    I'm sorry, that's such a hard position to be in. Everyone is right: stand your ground. My mother and I butted heads a lot over the guest list, and probably still will until the final number comes in. We were both so strong willed, it lead to an argument. It was helpful though because it gave both of us the opportunity to explain our positions on things rather than just demand/say no.

    • Reply
  • Veronica
    Super October 2021 Alberta
    Veronica ·
    • Dispute

    Stand your ground! This is your day and you ultimately have a limit to your guests as it is. It constantly baffles me how our weddings becomes our parents day??!

    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    • Dispute
    Definitely say no! It’s your day, your guest list. Have the people that mean the most to you there.
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Your mom is expecting too much and didn't give you a timeline for who she wanted at the time. Gently let her know its late and no one else is being invited even some of your friends because of the space. Also let her know that all the decisions are your final saying since you and FH are making the payments. I believe that parents want their say, they pay part of the wedding.

    Though my parents didn't have anyone they wanted to invite knowing its my wedding and respected me for it. There were a lot of DON'Ts due to what they thought was old school or based on cultural wedding aspects. It did upset me very much, yet kept my cool and just let it go the way it would have.

    The one lesson to learn about our parents is to let them rant and say what they want (thinking their right) and just say I'll think about that or Let me get back to you on that thought.

    • Reply
  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
    • Dispute
    Oh no. Stick to your guns! It’s your wedding, and honestly if the venue can’t fit any more, that’s where the discussion ends!
    I had this discussion with my dad, and he said when they got married, both the mothers invited all these people my parents didn’t know. He said looking back he wished he would have stuck to his guns about them not coming.
    We had the same thing happen to us with save the dates. If they were not on the list by Easter, they weren’t invited. Well we have added prob 10-15 people since Easter and invites are going out this week. I had to order more from Vistaprint because I didn’t have enough.

    • Reply
  • Brittany
    Devoted August 2019 Alberta
    Brittany ·
    • Dispute

    It happened to us... and kept happening until like two weeks ago. Finally we just put our foot down and said we could not accommodate their requests and it was too late.


    We asked them like fifteen times before we sent out invitations... and then after thye go out all of a sudden there are more to add.


    Just stick to your guns. Explain to people you are already over capacity and only counted on the people you invited and do not have the ability to add extras.

    • Reply
  • Alysa
    Beginner October 2019 Alberta
    Alysa ·
    • Dispute
    It’s your day, do what feels best for you and your fiancé. I’ve totally been there with my mom and MIL, but drew the line and have stuck to my guns. I’d say no to the guest if they’re single and will know others at the wedding - there’s no reason for them to bring some random person to your day that doesn’t need to be there.
    • Reply
  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
    • Dispute

    Oh no! I honestly thought the same as you that once invites are out they wouldn't say any more! I agree with you 100% with everything- as for the aunt I remember the last convo- she does not need a plus 1! We have also sacrificed friends we would want to come but couldn't afford it. If there happened to be any type of room and you wanted to invite more then you should invite your people and not theirs.

    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Super June 2020 Alberta
    Chelsea ·
    • Dispute
    That’s so tough! my MIL is the same, she loves to try to guilt us and shame us about our wedding choices, especially with the guestlist! Stick to
    your guns! it’s YOUR wedding!
    • Reply

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