Monster-in-law help!

Hi there, so sorry you and your MIL aren't getting along.. it makes me feel lucky with mine (I love my in-laws). Anyway I would say it's an unplugged ceremony and only the photographer cab take the photos. My fiancé and I told my in-laws and other family already NO CELL PHONES at the ceremony. Reception go for it. But not during the ceremony. It makes me cringe having a photo of people taking photos of us instead of enjoying the moment

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Thanks, Laura! Trust me, they'll hear about it if they don't.

View quoted message We are making our sign on a little chalkboard !

I am going to I think talkl to them all in a less direct form so they dont feel ganged up on, like bring it up casually in conversation and say how important it is to me that theres no phones and hope that they listen. If they dont after all of those attempts, then I may have to reevaluate my feelings toward them after the wedding is over. I know hat sounds harsh, but this would not be the first occasion of them doing something like this

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Tell me about it! My future MIL has caused me nothing but stress and anxiety. Just knowing she is there gives me anxiety. It is such an uncomfortable feeling. I keep trying to focus on all the good and everything else but it is hard at times.

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I don't mind if she wants to use her cellphone to take pictures at the reception! I am sure everyone will go around taking selfies and having fun. But the ceremony for everyone I would want them to not take pictures. We will be sharing all our photos with our guests online. But yes good back up plan. I think we will have our minister re-mention it before the ceremony starts. And we will have a couple of people there that if they do see someone not respecting to let them know.

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I will check with my photographer! Fingers crossed lol!

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I hope people do put their phones away and let you have unplugged ceremony!

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Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I will definitely tell her exactly what you wrote. I don't see why people feel this urgent need to take pictures at all times. It's just like going to a concert. I can't stand those who just stand there filming the entire show on their phones. Like sit back and relax and be in the moment and enjoy it!!! You will not get the same feel or experience when you re-look at the video or pictures. There is nothing better than the actual moment itself.

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I should definitely mention to my future MIL that we did hire a photographer and that she cannot be taking pictures as it is his job and can get in his way and make it difficult for him to get great pics.

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Hi Tyanna,

Us too we have our unplugged ceremony mentioned on our invitations. We don't have a website and I am still debating if we should get a sign or not. Where did you get yours from? Are you going to speak to the few that you are worried about? Stress sucks!

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Hi Candace!

I love that more and more people are doing unplugged ceremonies. I think it is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for the kind words. I hope your future MIL comes around as well!!

We are doing the unplugged ceremony as well. We will have it on the ceremony program, a sign at the door to the ceremony space and the officiant is saying it before we start the processional. We are hoping that people will respect this but unfortunately some people cannot help it. I would tell her straight up that you don't want her to bring it. You can even point out that you have a photographer there to capture the key moments so she can just enjoy the ceremony.
I totally relate to the MIL giving you anxiety though, I'm waiting for mine to start acting like this but so far she just pretends the wedding isn't happening.. hopefully it all works out for you!

We are having an unplugged ceremony too. We will be putting it on our invitations, it's on our website, we will have a sign saying it as well, and we will also have a little basket on a table by the sign that people can leave their phones in. I'm not going to force anyone to leave their phones, but the ones who respect our wishes will either put them in there no problem or just keep them away. There are only a very select few that I'm worried about but I definitely stress that they're not going to listen and they are going to ruin photos!

Its hard enough to have issues from vendord and family. This takes the cake from the MIL and her whole mannerism of not wishing to respect your wishes.

Your MIL needs to know that your ceremony is unplugged all the way. Also, your contract with the photographer doesn't allow anyone to get in their way of doing their job. If it happens so, they could ask her to step aside. After many attempts, the photogrpaher may refuse to continue taking pictures and she would be responsible for the photographers services.

We agreed to have an unplugged ceremony (we discussed it with the photographer).

But of course, my aunt decided she didn't need to listen to that and proceeded to take her own, awful pictures. She then sent them to our photographer in case he wanted to use them. He was baffled and so were we.

From my experience, i would straight up just tell her its unplugged and that you've spent good money on a photographer and that she should just sit back and enjoy the day-mingle a little and not stress about taking pictures.

You can't please everyone, but you can please yourself on your wedding day. If she has a fit, then its her choice to act like a child.

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LOL, that's perfect! My fiancé and I's photographer doesn't have a clause as such in her contract, but she said she's not going to tolerate people getting in the way of her getting pictures of us, which I liked as I'm hoping to have an unplugged ceremony anyway.

View quoted message Lol I told my mom that she couldn't take photos because it was in the photographers contract that he can't shoot with other people. Turns out it actually was in his contract 😂 life saver

I agree with what's been said below! If you decide against letting her bring her camera, I would a) mention it to her beforehand and b) perhaps say that there's something in your photographer's contract that prohibits DSLRs (assuming that's what she has given your description of it) as they could interfere with her photography. Even if it's not true, she may respect it enough to agree to it.

I agree with the other girls that letting her take photos may be a benefit. But honestly if it's not what you want then just sit down with her and slip that into the conversation. At our wedding we are having our ushers (My two cousins) go around with collection baskets before the ceremony begins to collect all phones cameras and other electronic devices to remove the temptation of snapping photos. So maybe if she decides to go against your thoughts on her bringing the camera then you have a backup plan?

View quoted message I agree with this! I would say calmly mention the "unplugged" feature when you're around her, not directly to her but if you can get it out a few times with her in hearing distance as a reminder!
Also I would ask a few good friends (older if possible closer to her age) to ask her nicely to put down the camera if she pulls it out during the ceremony!
I'm sorry you have to deal with this anxiety... weddings are stressful enough without family drama

View quoted message I agree. Allowing her to take photos and even asking her to do so (without interfering with the photographer you hired like Tori said) could be a good way to involve her in the wedding. She might see it as a sign of respect and it could possibly bring you two closer together. Also, you could ask her to focus on pictures of the guests, or see if she’d even run a photo booth area or something for a bit. If she’s busy snapping photos there, she could be out of your hair during the wedding, giving you a reprieve. The way it sounds, you don’t really want her to be engaged at the wedding anyway so why not let her take pictures?

Sounds like a monster in law. She seems to be difficult and only does what she wants. The only thing I can suggest is to get a few trusted friends and family members to help out during the wedding. ie. politely ask her to leave if she is being inappropriate. The bigger problem is she has been talked to multiple times and may want to cause drama for you. You can even have her banned if she is being a big problem. You would have to talk to your venue about. I know its extreme but it might be necessary so you can have peace at your wedding.

Wow! It sounds like such a difficult relationship, it's never easy when you don't get along with you S.O. family! Personally I would just try to have a conversation with her about it, let her know that you have spent a lot of money to hire a professional (photographers are not cheap!) to capture those special moments during your ceremony so that your guests, including her, can fully be present and enjoy the moment with you.

We are also doing an unplugged ceremony, I think it is a great idea!

So I also have the dream of an unplugged ceremony and reality is most of your guests will respect this but if one goes rogue there is nothing you can do about it.

My suggestion would be that at the next event you see her at make a little note to those that will be at your wedding. Say something like “we’re really excited to get to share this important moment in our life together with our family and friends. The ceremony goes by so fast and we want everyone engaged with us so we have decided to go unplugged for the ceremony. This way everyone can just sit back, relax and enjoy this moment with us.” If you get push back about people wanting a photo to remember the moment you can use my go to “We have hired a photographer and I would be more than happy to share ceremony pictures with everyone”. I plan on having some printed and included in the thank you cards we send after the wedding.

Sometimes mom-in-laws are tough.

I do like what Tori said. now if you are really adamant that you don't want her taking photos at the ceremony. and you don't think she will listen if you tell her you don't want her taking photos. I would tell her that its part of the contract with the photographer for the ceremony portion.

Sounds like a struggle of a mother. On one hand you could end up getting pretty good pictures from her - but on the other hand she may interfere with your photographer that you have already lined up (if you have already done so). If you do have a photographer already then I would just mention it to her when you see her next (before the wedding though) that as long as she stays out of the way of the paid photographer that she is more than welcome to take pictures.