Mom kept insisting on cultural traditions

I sort of had this backlash at the beginning of planning, but once we had our ceremony venue and officiant, it stopped.

While I'm not Catholic (Protestant - non practicing) a good portion of my dad's family, including my grandmother is Catholic. Obviously, since I'm not Catholic, I wouldn't have a Catholic wedding unless my FH was (he isn't) but my grandmother and some aunts asked if we were getting married in my church. I told them we weren't thinking about it and they just asked if I would consider it. My parents were fine with whatever we want.

My FH is mennonite (non-practicing as is most of his family) but his grandparents were Old-Order. If his grandparents were still alive, they likely wouldn't go to our wedding that isn't religious at all, mostly because it takes place in a fancy hotel. Mennonites are very simple and most weddings take place at the bride's home or in the church.

Anyways, I'd stand your ground about having the ceremony your way. Maybe offer your mother to lead grace before dinner at the reception. Also if your FH isn't Catholic, you probably won't even be able to have the Full Catholic Wedding experience anyways, like Kelsie mentioned.

You could try and shift the focus from the ceremony. Would your mom be open to a compromise? She can't touch your ceremony, but she can say grace before dinner?

Stick to your guns! My FH is catholic but not very religious and we had many comments about not doing it the catholic way, and not in a church, but that’s not what we wanted.
It is your day. You may just have to be straight up and tell your mom it is your wedding, this is how you want it, and it’s not going to change.

View quoted message

Thank you! This helps a lot

Stick to your gut!! it's about you guys, no one else. Check out this article.. just some tips when you're dealing with this exact situation.



https://www.marthastewartweddings.com/658165/religious-wedding-ceremony-disagreement

Yikes I feel my head spinning from all those traditions. I think maybe stick with some scriptures and a ceremony like hand fasting or whatever you decide. If you are paying for the wedding these "sponsors" dont deserve to be featured. i think possibly be very blunt and trying to find common ground where everyone feels satisfied might be your best option. but at the end of the day its about you and your FH not about her. just be firm that you understand her beliefs and everything but it isnt what you want and just try and get her to compromise with you because you guys dont practice spirituality in the same way she does. if she doesnt like it then you might just have to not have her there as hard as it is. I have had to go without alot of my family because of them being very inconsiderate of my feelings.

It seems that Indians, Asian weddings are just as traditional as Christian weddings in their ways of cultural basis.

Your mom seems to be wishing its her day and how to have it go the way it should without asking what you want and how you feel its best based on you two. I do agree that more elders can't sit for the time frame your stating as sitting will make them sore after some time. She isn't offering any payment towards your day as well which doesn't seem to have her think her views can't be seen the same as then accepted now.

The day is about you two and how you feel it needs to be go short and sweet so everyone can enjoy the reception after. You two are financially putting everything for the vendors so that gives you the final decision and word in all aspect.

Kindly say to your mom that you respect her ways of looking at the ceremony though its not your style or thing to do. Regarding the family and the elders, they won't be wanting to sit for longer than 30 minutes realistically. Sometimes its just best to not talk much about what you doing or whom your hiring if you know she will ask you many questions about it and try to avoid her saying things you won't want to hear answers to.

I will say I had many words exchange in haste with my family thinking they knew better yet not getting with the times as what is the grooms side and no bride in our wedding that the events could be done. It was resolved by my mom and I crying it out and raising our voices towards each other. End result was just great and understand where I was with my plans and needing to get done with their help too.

Advice to you being the bride and to face many frustrations coming forth, be calm and cool to listen to your mom and just compromise by lighting the candle to keep things good between you two though its one of many traditions asked by her. When you get home, shrug it off and just don't worry about it then.

View quoted message

Yes! It is very frustrating to have the same conversation over and over again lol, and it's only been 3 months into planning. And there are more other decisions to make but we keep coming back to the ceremony format! We need to book our officiant by mid-august this year and finalize the decision. Thanks for your reply!

View quoted message That’s great then! Even less pressure.

It’s your wedding, you want it to be a reflection of you two, not your mom, dad, cousin, aunt whoever. Do what makes you two happy.

View quoted message

I forgot to mention that we are not getting married in a Catholic Church! Before we booked our venue there was plenty of arguments about that too as my family wants a church but we really put our foot down and booked the garden venue that we love.

Luckily FH and his family is pretty much letting us get away with whatever we want

Thanks for your reply!

Are you getting married in a Catholic Church? If so, you won’t be able to have a full mass anyway because the church won’t grant it to a couple that has a non Catholic party.

My FH is Catholic and I am not. He’s not overly
religious but respects his parents wishes (they are very religious).

Our church ceremony is max 20 minutes. The church doesn’t allow special requests, I.e., we can’t write our own vows for example.

You have to go with what is right for you. It’s definitely frustrating but if you stand your ground, sure she may be upset at first, but she’ll come around.

My FH's family is Greek and we've had the exact same conversation time after time. His grandma in particular is upset that we're not getting married in a Greek church. She could get on board with it being outdoors if we had a Greek Orthodox priest with a traditional ceremony, but we're not. We're not religious at all. What I keep repeating is that it's our day and we don't want to be uncomfortable at our own wedding and it seems to be impossible to argue with. It sucks to keep having the same argument, but I know it's very important to her (and she's used to getting her way lol) so I'm prepared for it to keep coming up. But obviously it's very important to you to not have a religious ceremony so hold your ground!