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Sarah
Expert July 2021 Ontario

MOH is jealous

Sarah, on August 6, 2019 at 11:59 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 30
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She’s even said so a few times. She is my best friend and she is going through some of her own stuff right now (relationship stuff/ life stuff in general).
Im not mad at her or anything because I get it but man she is not at all happy for me. It just brings me down. This is such an exciting time for me that I have been waiting for literally forever. And the one person who I want by my side is just breaking my spirits to the point where I don’t even want to talk to her or have her come to anything. Just a lot of negativity.
i have one other bridesmaid who I will ask to help with a couple of tasks.
anyone with advice or experience with this?

30 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on August 21, 2019 at 14:53
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
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    Ugh this is horrible! i get what shes going through cuz when i broke up with my ex my bff was planning her wedding and i was a bridesmaid but i sucked up my depression and was constantly happy and joyful around her and talked wedding stuff then when her wedding was done im like dude im so sad. so we were both there for each other!!

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  • Kelly
    Devoted May 2020 Ontario
    Kelly ·
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    Honestly just talk to her about it ask her to share in your joy and just enjoy the time together. Let her know you understand her troubles and are there for her but that when it’s a wedding related task or event you’d like to be happy together and have her share that with you
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    You are spot on. I’m going to give the situation some more time but I will let her know she can step down if it’s too much. Thank you
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Yes that sounds exactly the same!! I am sorry you had to go through it too. I am totally delegating some tasks to my other bridesmaid right now. We are going shopping for bridesmaids dresses next week and I think when she sees how pumped my other bridesmaid is it will knock some sense in her to step it up. We’ll see. I can’t imagine her not being there either. I’ll give it time but you’re right we deserve better!! I’ll Offer her an out if need be but I’m hoping it doesn’t come to that
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  • Dionne
    Frequent user August 2019 Ontario
    Dionne ·
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    OMG Sarah!!!! I've had the same exact experience and my wedding is next weekend. She has been so jealous of the entire experience and having relationship issues same as your MOH. I've felt like you much of the entire 2 years it took to plan my wedding. As it comes closer she has stepped up, but only after realizing I've asked others to help me with stuff. (she was jealous of this as well). She is my oldest friend and I couldn't imagine not asking her to be my MOH. My cousin really stepped up and helped calm me down a lot of times. I suggest you keep her as you MOH in title only and delegate to another close member of your bridal party (perhaps they can be co-MOH).

    Hang in there and don't let her get you down. this is the happiest time of your life and you should be treated as such by your nearest and dearest. Reach out any time if needed.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Seems this individual doesn't seem happy in life in general and needs to realize how depressing she makes others present. The time to take towards herself is needed apart from everyone. Your happiness is what makes you take your path to your day and not having her around will be hard enough to feel it. Know what you decide is the best way for you to let her know what you need from her if she wants part of the bridal party. Stepping down and coming as a guest is an option for her otherwise.

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Oh no I am so sorry it ended up that way for you. Thank you - hope it turns out ok too
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    Unfortunately yes I've dealt with this. She was originally my MOH but she really let her jealousy get the better if her and unfortunately it ended with her being out of the wedding party and uninvited to the wedding.
    I really hope you have a better experience with your jealous friend and that it does escalate like it did for me. Good luck
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Hopefully!
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    Also the timing sucks with your wedding on the horizon, but who knows? Maybe her state of mind will be better in a few months.

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    That’s exactly it. That’s why it just brings me down. Especially because it is unlike her. I didn’t see this coming at all
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    She should be your main supporter, but she sounds like she's not in the mentality to do that right now.

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Everything you’ve said is spot on. I will definitely sit down with her and offer an out. I do think she wants to be my MOH but all this relationship stuff is just clouding her feelings. And, it’s true, there is a year until the wedding so a lot can change, which I’m hoping for her sake it does. Either way I will continue to be there for her. Thank you!!
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I'm sorry you are going through this!!

    My MOH is also very single, along with another BM, but they are doing a good job of being happy for me/helping out whenever they can. Your bridal party, let alone your MOH should be incredibly supportive of you and definitely not bring you down with her negativity.

    I would sit down with your MOH and let her know that you're feeling down with her constant negativity - it could be that she's not fully aware that she has that effect on you. While it does suck for her to go through this, it might be best to give her an "out" of the MOH role - either as a BM or a guest.

    You also have a year until your wedding, if you feel it's something that can resolve in a few months, and your MOH might be more supportive then, don't give up on her. If you think she's going to be negative up until you walk down the aisle, well maybe that's when you bring out the tough love. Also make time to talk with her about what's going on in her life - you mentioned that you don't want to talk wedding stuff with her, but continue to be her friend,

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Exactly. If I know her as well as I think I do, it should definitely knock some sense into her. Guess we will see
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    That is a good idea! Thank you
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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    That's a good idea too.. if she's not into it then maybe she will welcome the offer.. or maybe it will knock some sense into her and she will realize just how much of a damper she is putting on everything and change her attitude.

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    If she does step down as your MOH, you could always offer her to be your witness. This way, she's still "part" of your day with a more reduced but equally important role.

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Yeah if my moh wants to stay I will probably just have her focus on the bachelorette since she’s already started, and that’s it. Thanks I hope so too lol
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    I totally agree. Thankfully my bm is super helpful as is my future sister in law. For the most part I am doing a lot on my own as well. It’s the way to go it seems
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Weddings really do bring out the worst in people!! I love your no nonsense attitude. I don’t want to have to replace her but as Valerie suggested I will chat with her and offer an out.
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Yup offering her an out seems to be a good idea. She has too much going on and I don’t want that to come between us. It’s just awkward becUse I want her there and I know deep down she wants to be as well. I’ll talk to her and go from there

    Thankfully my other bm is super helpful.
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Yea my one MOH shows up to events early and helps me with whatever need so thats definate bright side and my other has helped my mom with bridal shower/bachorlette. That's basically it though.. I hope things get better for you!

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Wow I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too! At least you are able to get some help Smiley smile
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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    I am doing the same with Kelsie. I am doing everything on my own to avoid any drama. My sister is my MOH and she's in Australia. She helps a ton when we talk, but for the most part I am not relying on anyone else but her.

    Sometimes doing things on your own and having a couple people to help you is better. If your MOH is being this jealous, I would be straight up with her. That is not fair to you to have to deal with on your wedding day when it is supposed to be a fun time.



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  • Amanda
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    I mean this in the nicest way possible - I have zero time for this. Friends do not get jealous of friends. Whether she has her own stuff or not, she should be happy for you because she loves you. I have learned that weddings can bring out the worst in people, but I think if she is really making it that difficult and is being very negative then maybe start thinking of replacing her? What's the point in having someone by your side that isn't being helpful or happy or excited for you.

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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    Ugh, that sucks.
    I'd sit down with her, hear her out and potentially offer her an "out". She either needs time to figure it out, or be on board 100%. Let's be honest, you do NOT need that sort of negativity leading up to your wedding.
    Depending on what you decide to do with your MOH, I would call a bridal party meeting and ask for help with x,y,z. I'm sure your other BM would love to assist you!

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Thats honestly too bad! It shouldn't be like this but I have 2 people in my wedding party who have been bitter towards me. My sister who is 7 years older and single- has been rude through the whole thing and has not attended any events besides one recent one. Then a bm who was getting married before me and has made extremely offence comments to myself and my fh. She got married and still rude as can be.

    I don't tell anyone really in my wedding party much besides a few people as I don't want to hear peoples opinions. My MOH has helped a lot and my other MOH who has kids helps when she can but always helps with the behind the scenes stuff

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    Ugh sucks doesn’t it?!! I hope it gets better for us!! I’m definitely going to do the same. Luckily my other bridesmaid and my future SIL are helpful
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  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
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    Yep! I’m going through this right now with several people, all family.

    I’m basically doing everything myself so I don’t have to rely on other people, which is really sad but I’m trying to avoid stress and drama where I can!
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