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N
Newbie May 2020 British Columbia

moh choosing

Natasha, on June 24, 2018 at 11:02 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 11
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Hello everyone,
I am having a hard time trying to choose who to be my MOH and my bridesmaid. So here’s the breakdown I have a friend who has been my best friend since we were 7 she has been living about 3.5 hours away for the last 4 years now however we still try to visit once a year and speak weekly through text or Facebook etc. She has two kids and is a very busy mom and very rarely travels when We want to get together I need to go to her. When she lived in the same town as me I was her MOH and this was 5 years ago now.

Then there is my my other friend who lives on the same street as me. We talk about the same and try to hang out a couple times a month, she has been a close friend since we were 16 (I’m turning 29 this year) she has no kids and we pretty well work the same schedule.

Ok ok here’s my problem, who do I ask to be my MOH? The girl that’s been there since we were like 7 and I was her MOH ....although she lives to far to ever meet up and I do want someone to be involved and be there to help out. Or do I ask my friend who lives closer and who I’m probably more closer with now a days ?

I dont want any hurt feelings and don’t really know how to properly go about this? Is it proper to return the favour if I was her MOH should she be mine ? Or is it ok to ask her to be a braidsmaid and explain if she lives closer she would be my MOH ? Please help

11 Comments

Latest activity by Michelle, on July 6, 2018 at 14:46
  • Michelle
    Expert April 2019 Alberta
    Michelle ·
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    I did not ask have my best friend to be my MOH, due to her busy life with three kids and a home-based business. I instead asked my good friend, who has time every evening and weekend to actually help me do things, and she is quite crafty as well. My best friend completely understood and did not seem to be upset at my decision. Being MOH is a super important task, and it doesnt negate your close friendship not wanting to burden her with the extra work.

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  • T
    Beginner July 2019 Ontario
    TIANNA ·
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    Don’t let someone be your moh to return the favour. Choose the person who will be there and be the most helpful and supportive.
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  • N
    Newbie May 2020 British Columbia
    Natasha ·
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    Thank you everyone for the advice ! I think I have decided to ask my friend who lives further away to be my matron of honour as she is married and then I’m gonna ask my other friend who lives close to be my maid of honour as she has not been married. So I will have two ! Then hopefully there won’t be hurt feelings and they can kind of spilt the duties. Then I get my two best friends by my side, And then I’ll have my other two bridesmaids as well! Smiley heart Smiley sexy
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  • Lydia
    Devoted June 2019 British Columbia
    Lydia ·
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    Just do whomever you feel closer to, not in distance but relationship wise. My MOH lives in London and it all still works just as great. Also really don't feel like yiu gotta "pay back" since you were your friends MOH, the thing that's just most important in choosing this is who you feel the best about and who you feel the most comfortable with
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  • B
    Devoted September 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    The one that’s best for the job. Ie. The one that lives closest to you and can give you her time when needed, because she doesn’t have kids.
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  • Bianca
    Curious July 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Yeah if there is a possibility of having two that would be something to consider. I have two, my sister is technically a matron of honour as she is married and then my best friend is my maid of honour. I think if your finding it difficult this could be a solution and then neither would have any hurt feelings either
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  • N
    Newbie May 2020 British Columbia
    Natasha ·
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    Thank you everyone for the advice ! I appreciate it ❤️😊
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  • Maya
    Expert January 2019 Alberta
    Maya ·
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    I agree with Leah, I think that both these girls are important to you, so why not have them both be MOH. The wording to ask both of them would have to be put in a way so they do not get offended, but I think if your open and honest as to why you are choosing both it should not be a problem.

    My best friend since we were 5 moved a province away, but when we were younger I always said she would be my MOH. Recently she just had a baby and he will be 9 months at my wedding and so I have asked another good friend to be co-MOH as she helped me out a lot when I was dealing with my miscarriage last year. I hope all goes well with you asking them both Smiley smile good luck

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  • Leah
    VIP April 2019 British Columbia
    Leah ·
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    Is there an option to have 2 MoH’s?
    I was 1 of 2 MoH’s a few years back. I was physically closer and available but on the other helped whenever/however she could.
    We walked down the aisle together too.

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    My answer is simple, go with the one who has the time, means, and drive to do everything a MOH needs to do. Being a part of the bridal party is an honour in itself, but MOH needs to be in charge. Plan. Coordinate. Run errands. Make last minute emergency trips for things...
    I'd go with the more accessible, less busy friend.
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  • Clarissa
    Expert October 2018 Saskatchewan
    Clarissa ·
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    My suggestion would be to first decide what you expect from your MOH. Do you want someone who can come to vendor meetings, dress shopping, DIY nights? Planning brainstorming sessions over text and pinterst? Wine nights to distress you? Or do you plan on taking things on yourself for the most part and just want someone who will stand up there with you on the big day?

    If you plan on having a very in person involved wedding party I would suggest asking your friend who lives so far to be a bridesmaid. Mainly becaus the MOH takes the lead of all the bridesmaids so it would be a bit unfair to put all the responsibility of MOH on your other bridesmaids but give the title to one who may not be able to be as present in the planning phase (for very understandable reasons).

    I would let your long distance friend know how involved you want your bridal party to be and more specifically if there are specific things you want her involved in. And I would give her some time to think about it and get back to you. This should really be a general rule for asking bridal party in general because we are all so buy now so it lets people be honest with you if they think they have the time or not and can minimize the potential for disappointment and ruined friendships.

    1 have 2 girls (sister and friend since early childhood) and both live far away (3.5 hrs and 20+hrs). I was very clear when I asked them that all I wanted and expected out of them was to be there on the day and to help me sort through ideas during the planning phase (easily done by distance).

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