Matron of honour

I guess I shouldn’t say you do it anyway haha that’s harsh , and I didn’t really ask my maid of honour to do one it was just a known thing and then I asked her if she’s comfortable with it and if not one of the bridesmaids can go up there with her and she said no that she’s excited to do it wants to go up by herself! I also sent her this template to help with the speech!


So if she still wants to be in your wedding and you’d really like her to do one maybe you can ask if she wants a bridesmaid up with her? And if not maybe you could ask another bridesmaid or good friend of yours to say something! It doesn’t have to be your maid of honour!
Here’s the template I sent my MOH

Since it's a month before your wedding I'd honestly be super mad. I'd ask other people in your bridal party if they can take over the responsibility and then decide if you even want the previous matron of honor at your wedding. Unless there's something major going on in her life right now I don't find that sort of behavior excusable.

Help her with her speech a bit, she can mention memories on how the two of you became partners in crime, how she remembers when you and your other half first met and any funny mishaps etc. Her heart felt feelings about how she feels about you,,,she has to fill in the words but giving her an idea as to what to write about may help. Also it can be scary standing up there by yourself, if you have bridesmaids, have them stand up there with her, ready to add to anything about the moments she mentions as well. As for duties, there are sites to give her ideas in ways to help you through the preparation before marriage. Bottom line, you chose her because she's the one that will have your back, calm your nerves and problem solve with you and for you.

I agree with alot of what is said here, so not much to add but to provide some insight from weddings I have been in and witnessed with regards to the speeches.

As a MOH and a person with high anxiety when it comes to public speaking, this was a hard one for me to get over, HOWEVER, I was MOH at my best friends wedding who is practically a sister to me (besties for 25 years now) so there was no way I WASNT doing a speech. SO like Alyx said, I got over it and powered through.

Now on the flip side, a wedding I attended, the MOH was in a similar situation as yours and wasn't comfortable doing a speech....so she didn't and one of the other bridesmaids did. No one should feel obligated to do a speech.

With regards to duties, Im sorry but in this day in age, google is a thing. When I was MOH, I had NO idea what I was doing but google to the rescue. I literally have a Pinterest board for my besties wedding of just stuff I could do to make her day as easy as possible. And if she is your MATRON, she is married and therefore, has done this already, so she knows what is required of a MOH. Again Alyx may be right to ask if she even wants to be a part of your day anymore. Its truly unfortunate that you are in this situation, but you shouldnt have to hold her hand through your day.

I'm a laid back bride, I went in asking my bridal party to stand beside me and support me during 1 of my biggest day of my life. No expectations from them. I've told them they could do a speech if they wanted but not a must and that if they needed help with planning my bridal party and bachelorette I would. I chose to get married and I chose them to stand by me, but I do not expect them to pay for parties and to make a speech if they don't feel comfortable. Maybe it's more of the expectations and things in 2019 were a lot cheaper then they are now so maybe she doesn't have the budget and was more honored that you asked her but didn't really know what it entailed. I honestly did not know it was the bridal parties responsibility to plan the parties, I always thought it was the Bride. I've learnt a lot from this group.

My husbands BM (Best Man) told us a month before he wasn't comfortable doing the grand entrance dance neither a speech. It got me upset though it was let gone then. The DJ missed my BM speech since he didn't make a copy of his whole event sheet and played the faster spped of the entrance song than the original. I felt bad for my friend who put so much time effort into it.

I would tell her straight up what your expectations are for her. I set the bar low for my MOH all I needed was for her to show up so I'm not much help here. My MOH did not do a speech but I was totally fine with that. I personally hate speeches at weddings. Especially when the person giving them are not comfortable in front of a crowd, it can get awkward really fast.

View quoted message I did I asked her well the first time back in 2019 when I did my bridesmaid etc proposals but had to cancel wedding cuz of covid I asked her again in may and she still was fine and nothing was said and now she tells me a month before my wedding

View quoted message The thing is she new back in 2019 when I asked her and told her before i had to cancel my wedding because of covid and i informed and double checked with her back in May of this year if she was still up for being my MOH and doing a speech and she didn't have an issue and now all of a sudden when my wedding is one month a way 🥴

It's a fair question her asking what does being Matron of Honour means as a lot of brides aren't upfront about their expectations when asking someone to be in the bridal party. Are you expecting her to do more than just stand up there with you and sign the papers as your witness. If so, you need to communicate that to her.

Assuming this person is important to you, is her giving a speech that big of a deal for you to the point that you would risk jeopardizing the relationship over? What if the other bridesmaids go up with her at the same time?

Nobody really wants to do a speech it’s never wracking!! But you do it anyway!


Maybe ask her are you not wanting to be in my wedding anymore? Better to just be upfront then drag this out