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Brianne
Beginner May 2023 Ontario

Married in 2020 without wearing wedding dress - wedding postponed again

Brianne, on March 10, 2021 at 18:45 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 20
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I'm wondering if there are any other COVID couples who got legally married in 2020 but postponed their wedding to 2021, and are now realizing they may have to postpone again.


We were originally supposed to get married in June 2020. When covid became a thing, our venue offered us 2 dates: October 2020 and May 15th 2021. We decided to go with May 15th, as it gave us more time (hoping covid would be gone). Given the uncertainty of whether things would actually be better in May 2021, we decided last minute to get legally married on May 15th 2020 at my parent's house (so we could at least be married) and planned to have our wedding on our one year anniversary.
Our "marriage day" (May 2020) was super small, I didn't get to wear my wedding dress, my husband and I got ready together, and also walked "down the aisle" together. Although it was beautiful, it was nothing like we'd planned and I still have this unfulfilled desire to wear my dress and have my dad walk me down the aisle. I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing - one, I am happy to be married to my best friend, but two, I am so sad that our future wedding will no longer be as important (we've already done the most important thing - getting married). I just so badly want our wedding day to matter, and for it to feel like a wedding - not just a party, and not a vow renewal - because in my mind, we haven't had our wedding, even though we are married.
Now it is seeming like we'll have to postpone again. Given that we got married last year with 11 people there, it seems odd to do the same thing again but in our wedding attire. I think we'd rather wait to be able to celebrate with more of our family and friends. But, we're hoping to start trying for a family this summer/fall, so postponing to 2022 doesn't make sense. It's seeming like our wedding will be in a couple years from now (hopefully 2023?), when we've got our own baby - which isn't a bad thing, I just worry that our wedding is becoming less and less important (perhaps less and less of a milestone, or celebration of one?), and I'm super sad about that. I honestly wish I had worn my dress last year, so that we could call it a day and not have to worry about a future wedding. But to be fair to myself, too many things were closed (we were still in hard-core lockdown) and it just wasn't feasible at the time to have my dress altered and ready.
I feel a little guilty for feeling sad. I've been thinking ahead to our first anniversary this May and how I'll be sad that our wedding isn't happening, yet knowing I should be (and still am) happy that it's our 1st anniversary. Although my husband tries his best to understand, he doesn't really see it the same way as me, so it's hard to get validation from him about this. He is just happy we're married, which inadvertently adds to me feeling more guilty and confused. And, we've been on one hell of a ride planning this wedding (I'm sure many others can understand), so he's a bit burnt out talking about the same things over and over.
All this to say, I am wondering if there are others in the same situation...-Is anyone else having these same feelings? -Does anyone else have a "marriage day" and a separate "wedding day"? If yes, what are you doing/did you do to make your wedding (not marriage) important? -For those who've had to postpone their wedding, how are you handling being married yet feeling like you'd still really like to have a wedding, even given the uncertainties of covid? -Are there others who didn't get to wear their dress on the day they got married, and that is fueling you to persevere and hopefully have a wedding some day? -And, are there others who will now probably have infants at their postponed wedding?-Do you have any insight/advice/encouragement?
For anyone sharing their experience - thank you. Knowing there are others in a similar situation, and learning from what you're doing to address these things, is so helpful and means so much. And, even if you don't have advice, thank you for listening. XO.

20 Comments

Latest activity by Brianne, on March 29, 2021 at 11:09
  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    Thank you!!!! 馃馃馃
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  • Hailey
    Curious September 2022 Alberta
    Hailey
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    Well that鈥檚 awesome! Fingers crossed you have no more hiccups 馃
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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    Thanks Hailey Smiley smile we just decided last week that we're going to postpone in hopes that we can have the day we always dreamed of, just not right now. But I appreciate your suggestion, I had thought of that too 馃挆
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  • Hailey
    Curious September 2022 Alberta
    Hailey
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    Maybe you should get dressed in your dress and him in the suit and do a session with your photographer. Maybe on your first anniversary, or the day you were supposed to be married. That way you鈥檒l always have the beautiful photos to look back on even if you don鈥檛 have the wedding you planned.
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod
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    Plans in change will effect how you feel and want that feeling of the special day. Covid has taken a turn for everyone and couples who got married regardless of the day taking place with guests. The ceremony is something you two made special yourselves to remember though it wasn't the plan you envisioned. Many celebrations are awaiting for a later date to have full guest list present for the party. Consider the options of Vow Renewal, Anniversary or Reception wearing your dress as wanted to celebrate in style. There isn't anything wrong with feeling guilty or confused as to not having to wear your dress or everyone not able to see you get married. Its how you both felt to make the decision and stuck with it and now you have something more to look forward to celebrate with others.
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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    Yup, I completely understand where you are coming from. I am hopeful for you in that your vow renewal is later in the year (馃馃 vaccines), but again, totally get it. I am trying to focus on how beautiful our future wedding (re-marriage, lol) will be, but I imagine that would be difficult if I had already worn my dress. Thank you for your message 馃挏 such a frustrating situation.
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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia
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    We're in a slightly similar boat. We both got dressed up and I wore my dress for our small ceremony in October. This October we hope to have a vow renewal and reception for the majority of friends and family who missed it last year. My dilemma is that if we can't celebrate this year I don't want to keep re-postponing for years because like you I feel like it gets less special (and to me a little silly) to put my dress back on. So I totally feel your frustration!


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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    THANK YOU SO MUCH!! My goodness, it feels so good knowing we are not alone and that there are others in similar situations! I agree, I think having our child(ren) there would be so special, so you thinking the same is super reassuring. Thank you as well for your advice, I definitely need to focus on the good. I'd ideally prefer no masks and dancing too, so waiting gives us that. Congratulations on your marriage, I hope your day is beautiful too 馃挏
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  • Savannah
    Frequent user April 2022 Ontario
    Savannah
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    I feel this 100%!! We were supposed to be married May 2020, we struggled getting a marriage licence and ended up finding a municipality end of April doing them and rolled with our luck and offically got married April 25th 2020. I too didn鈥檛 get to wear my dress (it was at the store for alterations prior to the lockdown and I didn鈥檛 get it back in time).This is our 3rd postponing now (postponed the original to August 2020, then April 2021 and finally postponed again to April 2022). We are also in the process of starting our family as well so we鈥檙e hoping to have our child(ren) there if that鈥檚 the case on our new day. What鈥檚 pushing me personally to persevere is to wear my dress, and have something exciting to look forward to once we鈥檙e in the clear to celebrate normally (I want the dancing, preferably no masks etc). My advice is to try to look towards the positive and think of how great of a day it鈥檒l be when the time comes. I am also super excited to potentially have our own kid(s) with us on that day too, which I think may make that day 10x more special! My heart goes out to you and I hope your day is beautiful! 馃挏
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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel
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    Not at all - I'm going to direct message you though!
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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    Do you mind sharing some if your plans for the wedding, to be enjoyable and covid safe?
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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    OMG I completely understand you!! I used to be so excited about our wedding lol, now it's literally all stress. Our original is/was 130 as well, so it's nice to know that cutting wasn't that bad. You've definitely given me food for thought, thank you.
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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel
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    Sorry I should add - we are very sad but also very happy, considering, with how the wedding seems to be playing out now. 馃
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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel
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    We are having just under 50. We were originally inviting 130 we cut the list a but but we actually sent most of our invites out with the disclaimer of things likely not working out how we dreamed. Many people RSVPd no anyways (for various reasons including travel) so it made it a little easier to get down to 50 when we had to. We are very sad to not have everyone we really wanted there but we are ready to move forward with our lives and quite honestly, be done with this. Wedding planning began as basically my favourite thing - felt born to do it LOL - then covid hit... Or continued I should say as we definitely thought it'd be done by the time our original date rolled around.
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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    Thank you so much for your suggestion. You definitely hit the nail on the head by mentioning the pressure of the future wedding - I definitely feel that now that we are married, the wedding needs to be perfect. Whereas pre-covid, I was much more laid back about it because everything else didn't matter, we were getting married.


    I totally understand your perspective and that makes a lot of sense. That is partially one of my fears to be honest, that as time goes on (and life happens), we will feel less inclined to have a wedding, and then we'll never get to have the wedding I've been hoping for. I've thought of the photo shoot idea as well, but at the time it seemed weird to dress up for just photos lol. But I should revisit idea.
    Congratulations on your wedding btw Smiley smile
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  • Christiana
    Super November 2020 British Columbia
    Christiana
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    We got married in November and postponed our reception but don't have a new date set - likely 2022 but we just want to make sure we can have the party we want. We were sort of "lucky" in that our venue was actually demolished so we just got refunded and didn't have the option of postponing. We got ready together and walked down the aisle together but this was actually sort of what we wanted to begin with. We also wore our wedding outfits because we still wanted the day to feel special and this was the more important day to us.

    I also think that when it comes time for our reception we may no longer feel like it's super important to us. But I also think people will want a big party once covid is under control and restrictions are lifted that we'll want to have a big celebration. That being said, it's possible our reception might end up looking very different than we originally planned.

    Maybe you and your husband can hire a photographer for your anniversary and take wedding photos with your wedding outfits? That way you can celebrate your anniversary in a nice way and still have those photos and there will be less pressure on having the perfect reception.

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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    That's a great mentality!! People are so ready to do something other than stay at home. Also great suggestion, I should look into covid weddings and get a better idea of what they're actually like. How many people are you planning on having?
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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel
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    I hear you!!! Think of it this way - it'll probably be the only event your guests will get to go to so it'll be the party of the year 馃槀 that's our mentality. Our guests are so SO excited for a reason to get dressed up and do something different. They don't seem to care about all the restrictions! Let's hope that's actually accurate night of but I have friends that have been to covid weddings and have heard from our photographers and venue how wonderful the evenings have been!
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  • Brianne
    Beginner May 2023 Ontario
    Brianne
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    Thank you so much for your response!! So glad someone else has 2 separate days!! Good luck with your wedding this weekend Smiley smile we are in North Bay, so definitely a better situation than the GTA, but we are hesitant to move forward as we want people to be able to relax and enjoy, and fear that there will be so many restrictions that it won't be enjoyable.
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  • Carmel
    Featured December 2020 Ontario
    Carmel
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    We had just a marriage day as well on NYE as we went into lockdown right before and had to postpone. We also did not wear our wedding attire as we wanted to make sure the wedding day was just as special for everyone that gets to witness our "re-marriage" 馃槄. I had the same feelings as you as the stay at home order and lockdown kept getting extended where I am but we stuck it out and now we are (馃馃) thankfully having our wedding this weekend and then it'll all be over and done (I hate we feel this way). Just wondering why you think it won't happen in May? Are you in Toronto or Peel? Are you willing to stick it out? If you are, I'd wait as long as possible and hope you could do it now!
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