Marriage Contract. Yes or No?

Those are good points! You don't want to think about divorce but you never know what happens. My parents are technically separated and not divorced yet but luckily my mom got the house transfered into her name before he left. He showed up one time about a year after he left after 11 pm with the sheriff and banged on the door to come in and get his stuff. He had lied to the sheriff and said that he owned the house and that we were denying him entry (he chose to leave all his stuff when he left the year before and they had an agreement that said that anything in the house belonged to her) and because she had it in her name, we didn't have to let him in. It was still a very scary experience though. Luckily they had made that agreement that said that it had to be mutually agreed on when he could come back.

So true! If you can't talk about the tough stuff now, that's not a good sign.

We did not do a prenup.

Neither of us has any large sums of money or significant assets so we dont feel we need one

it totally does !!

A good plan- and I think it is good to lay out those plans when no one is angry! It makes a big difference.

Yeah my FH and I are the same... we know what will break us ... but we also know we are worth fighting for and we have made that mutal agreement that no matter what happens we will always try counselling first and explore every avenue before we just give up on each other .. because we believe we deserve more for each other and our family.

Me too- I like that we can talk about this stuff here. And everyone is pretty good about different options and experiences.

It would take something big to make me walk away, but I also know my limits, and there are some things I just won't tolerate... other useful, but hard learned lessons. I made sure to go over these with my Fiance as well- luckily we are very much on the same page about what consititues unacceptable behaviour.

Good on you! I am glad we are all talking about this ... It is something everyone should think about ... wether you do anything about it or not. But yes always fight for your marriage first!

Definatly wasnt easy... but nothing was worth fighting over ... as long as I had my son that is all that mattered !

Thanks Lisa We actually talked about this again last night (because it had been in my mind again) and came up with pretty much the same as you and your FH. We looked around an could not find something that was not shared property (we both came into this equal...with nothing but hand-me-down dishes!). We did talk about having an agreement once we have a family or buy a house, but we are going to pass on the lawyer's fees for now, and revisit as things change.

The situation you described is exactly why I think the way I do. I luckily did not have great losses in a relationship, but enough to learn a lesson...and we never think a person we love would do that to us, but they do. I also used to think that a prenup was just a sad way of saying that you would be a stat- but I see them much differently now. Marriages should be fought for- but some things we don't expect change a relationship in ways that can't be fixed (as in your former situation).

Wow Natasha! You are so strong! After my 6 year relationship ended (he also found alternate entertainment! ) I was very angry and hurt that I had to start my life over again in my 30's.!!! I had sold my house , had a passport to move to where he was was. I had to start from scratch. So for you to have the strength to be that civil for your son is amazing!!! Because the thoughts that were on my head, were not that civil! Lol

Firat, thank you to Melissa for writing that piece! That's exactly what I feel as well! I owned my first house when I was single and 27 and now a days most 1st time home buyers are women. First thing my lawyer told me was don't tell a guy you own a house and if you move in with someone, get an agreement. He told me many stories of single women losing their homes sometimes half the equity to someone who didn't contribute anything to the house at all!!!!! I used to think like Chelsea where I thought an agreement was like dooming your relationship to fail, but maybe it's because I'm older now and built so much of my life on my own, I see things differently. If my FH came into our relationship with a life he built on his own and worked hard, why would I want to take that from him?! No one ever expects a relationship to end in divorce but I think if an agreement is done when both people are in a loving place and protecting the other, everyone is starting out on a level playing field. Now that being said, my FH and I didn't get an agreement simply because we both came into the relationship with equal amounts. So we decided not to. But we would have.

I don't think we will be doing this. To me that is basically insinuating that your marriage is bound to fail and when your marriage gets tough you are supposed to work things out and this to me says the complete opposite!

Yes no one truely knows how you are going to react if your marriage falls apart.... I may not have been married to my sons father but we were together a very long time.. shared a home together and created a life together ... and when he cheated it tore my insides out ... but I still remained civil for my sons sake because it was not his fault his parents didnt work... so therefore he should have to suffer...

Now I know not everyone can be like me .... and I wont lie there were times I wanted to be straight out mean... but now especially after going through that early on in my life .. I know what is important ... and that is staying civil and not letting my emotions get the best of me and destroy the person I am ... I think talking about it is the most amazing first step any couple that is getting married can do ... its just like doing a will in a sense... at least youll both know where you stand. its a great starting point.

It must help to have the extra experience and perspective- and I agree not everyone needs a written agreement. I don't want a divorce, I don't even think we are likely to divorce....I probably wouldn't bother getting married if I did! But the conversations around the what if matter a lot!

I admire you for your conviction to be civil; I think I might not be. I think that know myself, I might be mean or spiteful and then regret it after (which is a hideous thing.).

Even if nothing is written down- everyone needs to talk about the tough stuff- because we will likely face worse over the course of our marriages, right?

With us we chose not to got this route as we have live together for over a year and we have discussed what would the course of action in case of a divorce.

I agree with you, and i commend you for being willing to do these things while married and happy it makes sense... I dont believe FH and I will be doing this ... we both have talked enough and me having a child from a previous relationship he has seen first hand what goes on when the parents can be civil and what not so I believe if it ever came to divorce for us that we would be civil and handle things well when the time came.

But who knows maybe in a few years into our marriage we may bring up the topic again and agree to make an agreement if that should ever happen ... although I rather hope it doesnt .

I think a prenup is very practical if you have assets to protect, or anticipate an inheritance of family money/ property that should stay in the family should the marriage dissolve. Neither of us have these concerns, but it was discussed that inheritance is "off limits" should we divorce. It might even be a comfort to a couple where one or both come from divorced families or blended families to ensure that maybe things go "better" for them than their parents divorce should it arise.

Making seperation agreements while in love might lead to a more fair agreement, while no one is hurt ot feeling sad or spiteful. It would be important to ahve a lawyer involved the entire time to ensure balance and fairness. Things like child custody, the marital home and shared assets can get so ugly if you do not plan ahead. We have not taken steps yet, but it is a very real possibility. I would rather not fight in a divorce for years. And I very much believe that having these open, raw and honest discussions has helped us prepare for married life. It isn't romantic, but marriage is a contract- and you would never go into a contract with anyone else leaving so many areas exposed and vulnerable.

I think it is unpleasant to think of divorce as a possibility, but it is foolish not to consider the possibility. I don't think many people enter a marriage lightly (I freaking hope not!) but life happens, and marriages do break up.

No we will not.. .. Do people even do these anymore?? I feel like only if one or the other person comes from alot of money does this happen ... but maybe I am wrong

No we won't, I feel that's a way of believing it will end eventually.