Make guests to pay or not !?!

Do not ever ask your guests to pay. It’s tacky and honestly rude. If I ever got an invitation to a wedding asking that I pay it would be a firm NO.

Plan a wedding within your means. You could always have a cash bar and hold a stag and doe to raise money. But don’t ask people to pay. You may get cash gifts but don’t count on it.

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Thank you guys for the messages it will help me with my decision.

Thank you for the message.

As the others have said, don't make your guests pay that's beyond tacky. I get that some people want a big party, but the important thing is that it should be about you two embarking on a journey together, not about a one-day event and honestly if you're struggling financially it makes absolutely no sense in having a humongous event. Embarking in a financial strain for a wedding can be super stressful for a couple, I've met couples who have had to finish paying loans they took out for their "dream day" long after the divorce has come through.

You should set realistic goals about your wedding and come up with a budget that makes sense for you two, and maybe consider a smaller wedding, or ways to cut budget that is a good compromise for you. That said, there is also nothing wrong with a longer engagement to save up to what you both want.

Families will pressure you throughout the planning stages, a way that I've seen that it minimizes their involvement is to not disclose too many details, keep the planning with just you and your fiancé, if you need help from mom/dad just share the information pertaining to the specific help you need.

Your family needs to STFU.

If you can't afford the wedding you want now and would be better off saving for another year, then do that.

DO NOT ask your guests to pay for your wedding. That is a fucked up and super entitled thing to do.

(BTW - yes you can be engaged more than a year... 1.5 years is pretty much average. My fiance and I are planning our wedding for 2021.. will have been engaged for a 2.5 years by the time the wedding happens...)

Do not ask guests to pay. of course a lot of people we know all throw cash in an envelope as the wedding present.

definitely be engaged more than a year if you can't afford what you want wedding wise. by the time we say I do, we will be engaged for about 1.5 years. a lot of my friends have all had long engagements.

best way to save some money. cut back the guest list.

Thanks guys!

Whatever you do, do NOT ask your guests to pay. Look at the backlash from that recent story about the lady asking her friends to pay (granted, it was a ridiculous amount, but the sentiment is the same).

Cut in other areas - if you have to, have a toonie bar instead of an open bar (this is actually the norm where I'm from).

Stay engaged longer to save. Do your research and look for vendors that offer what you want but at a price you're comfortable with - negotiate! DIY some of your décor. Buy second hand and plan to resell.

I do agree with Clarrisa first off about being engaged over a year. Though my husband at the time had me try his rings on (being small on him) fit me. I considered that being engaged to him for 3 3/4 years before we got married.

Second point, guests paying means you want them to pay for your dream wedding and that seems wrong. Cut down your guest list or postpone the wedding to the next year to save up for the cost needed. Your mom means well and being realistic to what is being done now. It doesn't mean you have to follow that path.

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Whatever you chose to do - to keep costs low I would recommend that you:

get outside food catering, first look photos (to keep the photographer for less time), have family be the officiant (unless you are having a priest or other religious person), have a social to raise money, cash bar, rent your dress/suits, DIY decor, etc.

There are tons of ways to make it affordable if you want to make it so that it happens within the year and your guests won't have to pay.

We are doing a honey fund mainly instead of gifts, that way it could cover the cost of the wedding as well. We told ppl it's towards the purchasing a house if our own, but realistically we are looking at using the money towards the final cost.

The plan was to charge around $80-$90 per guest + kids around $40-$50 and I would just pay the difference. I really feel uncomfortable to ask for money plus running after them to pay before the due date.

To me it's ridiculous, even if I already paid to go to weddings before . Planning is already stressful I keep telling my family that and it's one thing I don't want to deal with at all.

Here in Montreal, it's seems really normal since everyone is doing it and think I have to it too. I really don't see it like that and it give tension since they don't want us to push the date.

We will stick to what we want to do. If you have any other advice guys I will certainly take them, thanks again!

You can be engaged for more than a year. In fact most people are. If you don’t have the money then have a longer engagement to give you time to plan and save or do something small and intimate to save on costs.

I find the idea of making guests pay really rude. It’s your party (unless your parents are the ones hosting and paying). So it should be on you to plan something you can afford.

For addressing this with your family maybe point out you wouldn’t charge people a cover fee if you invite them to come over for dinner so why would be charge them a cover fee to come to our wedding? Honestly every time I hear about this I always think of this analogy.

Definitely don't make your guests pay! They will either not show up or you'll get no gifts. I personally wouldn't go to a wrddt if the bride and groom was charging us. If costs are an issue then you should definitely push the wedding back a year! There is nothing wrong with be engaged for over a year..I've been engaged since June 2017 and we don't get married till June 2019. We've had time to plan and pay for the wedding of our dreams because of the longer engagement! Don't let anyone pressure you into anything. Talk to you fiance and work out what is best for you two!

I feel many of us on here are engaged for more than a year! My parents were hoping I would get married this year but I didn't want the stress of all that planning in a short time. I'll be engaged two years when we tie the knot.

I agree that guests shouldn't pay to go to the wedding. There was a woman (not on WW) who wanted to charge her guests $1500 to attend!! Having a cash or toonie bar would help out but definitely not cover the whole costs of a wedding.

Ok first... you can stay engaged as looooong as you want and what works for you! My FH qnd I and one of our couple friends got engaged in the same week and our weddings are almost a year apart! If holding back for a year to save money works better for you! Do it! If saving will better help you have your dream day then go for it!
In terms of making guests pay! What were u thinking of making them pay for? Cash bar? You can even do something called a Toonie Bar where guests just have to give a toonie per drink! It doesnt cover the costs but will for sure help!

Thank you so much for the advice to each and one of you, it will really help with my decision. I am in Montreal, Canada and making guests pay is kind of a norm now in my community. And I was the one insisting... If you don't have the money dont get married! Simple! And now I was the one think about that. I want to stick to what I've been thinking out loud. Thank you again! Just need to argue again with the family lol.

There’s nothing wrong with being engaged for more than a year! My fiancé and I will be engaged two and a half before we get married, trust me when I say it’s way less stressful to have to extra time to plan, especially finance wise.

Don't make your guests pay! You and your fiance are hosting this event, not your guests. There is nothing wrong with being engaged for more than a year. My husband and I got married a year later than we originally planned because we wanted to save up for the "big" wedding with a full dinner reception. We chose our top three most important things and that's where we spent the most of our money.

If you are set on getting married in a year, there are a few ways you could cut back costs (this is not an exhaustive list!):

Have an early ceremony followed by a lunch reception. Lunch is cheaper than dinner, and an earlier event usually means you don't have to serve alcohol. Or, have a later ceremony (7:00 ish) followed by appetizers or desserts instead of a dinner.

Flowers are beautiful but what are you going to do with them after? Minimize the size of bouquets, and have something else for centrepieces.

Guest list. Lower the number of guests you invite. Maybe have a smaller wedding now, and a bigger celebration in 5/10 years when you've saved a bit more

Decorations. Again, beautiful, but people aren't going to remember what your wedding looked like.

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Alexandra got this on the nose. You absolutely CANNOT ask your guests to pay. Actually, you can but don't be surprised if none of them RSVP "yes" to your wedding lol. Please just push your wedding date. My FH and I will have been engaged for nearly 2 years when we tie the knot, so it's absolutely fine (and normal) to do so.

Never make your guests pay. That’s a horrible idea, But you definitely can be engaged for over a year, I’ll have been engaged for two years when I get married. If you’re struggling to afford it I would push it back. Weddings are expensive and your family needs to understand that.