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Newbie June 2022 British Columbia

Lost all motivation

Amanda, on December 19, 2021 at 21:16 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 9
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Got engaged July 19 2019, the same day we took possession of our new house. January 3 2020 fiancé’s brother informed us he was now engaged and that our time to plan a wedding was over and we had to wait until they were finished basically to get any family support.


Now after Covid, 3 kids, losing all my friends and having fall outs with both sides of the family I have no motivation to plan a wedding, never mind a “Covid wedding”. Anyone else? Considered just signing the papers but thought I’d regret it. Not sure what to do. This would be a second wedding for me, first for my fiancé. I eloped the first time and my parents were pissed so that’s not really an option either unless I want to go no contact with them. Just venting really. Don’t expect there to ever be a solution I am happy with. Just wanted to see if I was alone in feeling this way.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Amanda, on December 27, 2021 at 19:18
  • A
    Newbie June 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    After being engaged for nearly 3 years and all that has been lost, I don’t have any desire to plan a wedding. That’s the problem. Legally we have been living together long enough that we are common law. I am already legally his wife through this process so it feels like it’s just not necessary at all to me. My boyfriend doesn’t feel the same way, but it unwilling to plan anything himself. I really just wish I knew how to get excited again because it just is a sour reminder of what has happened. His family isn’t going to be helping at all with our wedding and we have had a falling out. I haven’t sat with them for any holiday since, it’s too stressful for me. When I eloped for my last wedding my parents screamed that I got what I paid for when I divorced. If he were to plan it I would attend, but since Covid everything has gone up exponentially in price. Basically all we could afford is a backyard wedding now, but we don’t even have a backyard to host it lol. Sister in law took the venue I had shared with mother in law when her first choice venue went out of business during Covid, and nothing else is affordable that is all inclusive anywhere near me. With 3 kids, travelling is out of the question. It seems impossible and all second rate now. I just don’t want to and I think my boyfriend may leave me for it
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    You shouldn't have had to wait for your BIL to get married first wasn't a fair decision as you had the chance to have your wedding too. The family can play their games though they may want to support the family member they choose over you.

    I would plan the wedding anyway and have them attend if they wish to make their presence for your day. Now since they are married, you should get the same respect to get your wedding planned as you want. Friendships lost during the time isn't right due to the family drama caused to you.

    I say to you do what you want and how you want to have your day. The family can come if they will respect you as their own family. Invite the guests you feel should be there to celebrate your love and marriage. The family may have their views though your is the most important to have as the final word.

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  • G
    British Columbia
    Ginger ·
    • Dispute

    Hi Amanda, I'm really sorry to hear about the issues you're facing. I'm not a Catholic, but as a Christian with similar basic belief system, I look at biblical values as protecting the family unit. You're living together and have kids out of marriage... but now you want to get married. I look at that as a positive thing for your own family and I would do everything I could do to support it as a family member, especially if I were your parent. (As your parent I would support your family either way.)

    Love and family are very important. God gives us free will and forgiveness - families don't always extend the same grace. Put the past behind - you cannot do anything about it now either way. Here is what my advice would be:
    - you and your fiancee privately choose a date and announce that you'll be getting married (with great excitement)
    - tell people that you're sorry if you've done things differently than they would have liked, but you're moving forward and not looking backward
    - let everyone know that you would love for them to celebrate with you, but if they cannot make this a happy time, best that they not be part of it. If they change their attitude they're welcome to join in the celebration.
    - pray often that the others will come around you for the sake of unity, even if you don't always agree on things.

    Congratulations... and enjoy your special day. I'll be praying that the situation turns out well.

    • Reply
  • Brooke
    Curious October 2022 Ontario
    Brooke ·
    • Dispute

    Hi Amanda,

    I am so sorry you're going through a situation such as this Smiley sad I don't have much advice as I haven't gone through anything like this myself, but, if I am able to speak for other brides on here, we're all here for the moral support Smiley heart at the end of the day, it is your wedding and it should be how you want and not what other people think you should do. I'm also quite taken aback by your fiancé's brother's remarks as no one has "their time" to plan their wedding, especially with something as complicated as a pandemic going on that causes restrictions beyond our control! Putting myself in your shoes, I would have a conversation with my fiancé first and foremost to make sure we're on the same page about how to handle this. Once that's established, work together to come up with a solution that makes you both happy despite what other friends and family members might have to say in it. It's not fair to either of you that you have to face outside influence of friends and family that aren't even going to be there for support. I hope things work out for you in the end, and if you and your fiancé are truly happy with whatever you two decide, then that's all that matters Smiley heart good luck!

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  • Alyx
    Featured September 2022 Alberta
    Alyx ·
    • Dispute
    I’m sorry your going through a tough time. I don’t have much advice, seems like your in a tough situation. I’d say just go with what feels right to you. We only have this one life might as well do what makes you happy.
    Although I’m not going what your through it has been a rough couple years for me adjusting to my first pregnancy and motherhood in a pandemic and feeling isolated in that.
    Also deciding to plan our wedding through a pandemic and the uncertainty of everything is stressful. If I could go back maybe I would’ve waited to plan my wedding lol 🤷🏼‍♀️My heart goes out to you and I hope you have some brighter days ahead 🤍
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  • A
    Newbie June 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    View quoted message
    Various things, including standing up for myself when they have opinions that don’t suit me regarding their religious beliefs and the choices I have made in my life, including getting divorced. Friends dislike my family drama on both sides and it gets to be heavy. My mother has had two suicide attempts and is waiting for assisted suicide.
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  • A
    Newbie June 2022 British Columbia
    Amanda ·
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    View quoted message
    It was what the family decided. He is older and his fiancé at the time, wife now, is turning 40 next birth day. They decided it was more important for her to get married so she can try for a baby. They are catholic and we have already HD children out of wedlock so his family isn’t as supportive. Lots of family opinions there but that just adds to the lack of motivation. Can’t change them. Tried to make them happy but they can’t be pleased.
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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
    • Dispute

    What happened with your friends and family that resulted in your relationships breaking down? Is it related to the wedding or is it other circumstances? You may need to reflect what's causing all these relationships to break down.

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  • Hank
    Featured September 2021 Ontario
    Hank ·
    • Dispute

    fiancé’s brother informed us he was now engaged and that our time to plan a wedding was over and we had to wait until they were finished basically to get any family support.

    You had to halt your plans and let him go first? What kind of stupidity is this?

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