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VIP June 2019 Ontario

Lost a Groomsmen!

Holly, on April 2, 2019 at 02:38 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13

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I just need to rant..
We are 2 months away from the wedding, EXACTLY two months away and so far planning had majority been smooth, a few bumps here and there but manageable. We have our RSVP coming up at the end of the month, everything except one small rental is booked and we are on the right track..
However the groomsmen were taking their sweet time with renting their suits, we gave them a deadline of April 5th but each time they said they would go they wouldn't finally my fiance told them they need to do it ASAP or they are out. So one went, a few days later two more and the next day the forth went. The fifth one did not. So I texted his gf and told her to take him ASAP and she says, "well idk if we are even going to the wedding" WHAT?!? HE'S A GROOMSMEN HE HAS TO GO!! So I tell my FH this and he texts that goes and he tells my FH that he suddenly cannot get the time off. He was asked to be a groomsman in August-ish 2017. We sent out save the dates in August 2018 and we even sent him the invitation in February of this year. He had PLENTY..no more than plenty of time to get the day off.
Any way so he goes on and says he's meeting with HR to try and get it off. He has his meeting and texts my FH and says, "sorry can't get the day off. I'll keep trying and let you know" so my fiance says okay but you're not a groomsmen anymore and you need to RSVP before April 26th, he did not reply. So this so-called best friend is probably not even going to be at the wedding and doesn't even seem to care!! I am in complete shock, I mean this guy is a total flake but I never imagined him bailing on his best friends wedding. I don't think this groomsmen is actually having that much issue with getting time off, I think his gf is behind this all. She's a very jealous and petty person and just before all this came up she was asking me a bunch of questions that she didn't like the answers to. "Where will I be sitting? Will I be near him or no?" No he's at the head table you'll be at a different table. "Is he walking down the aisle with someone? Who is it?" Doesn't matter. "What am I going to do all day while he's getting ready? Can I be with him..you..where will I be?" You'll be where ever we aren't. And the questions kept coming and coming. Then she also made comments about kids not being there and having no one to watch them, which is a lie she's got tons of people to watch them!
Anyway I just had to get then out! Because I'm super frustrated by this, I would never ever agree to be in someone's wedding if there was a chance I couldn't do it.

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13 Comments

Latest activity by Melissa, on April 3, 2019 at 13:06

Devoted May 2019 Alberta
Melissa · On April 3, 2019 at 13:06
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We had the SAME problem and we're a month away from leaving for a destination wedding)
First a bridesmaid dropped out (but she became pregnant and there's a mad Zikka Virus outbreak where we are going, so that's understandable).
But then a groomsmen did the same thing as yours! Pushed everything off, avoided phone calls and texts, only paid for half of his trip, didn't go with the rest of the guys to get his suit. And then last week (2 weeks after the deadline to pay for the trip) said he might not be coming, and then finally said this past weekend that he won't be there.

So I FULLY understand your frustration! Unfortunately though, there's not really anything you can do about it except vent it out and move on!
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Devoted April 2019 Ontario
Meghan · On April 3, 2019 at 12:41
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Wow I am so frustrated for you! I am glad you are both ok with it but still...I don't understand how he can just back out like that and not seem to care about the impact that would have.
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Casey · On April 3, 2019 at 09:29
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You really see who your true friends are when stuff like this happens! I always thought guys were less drama, and then I hear stories like this and i'm like "nope, almost like women lol"
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VIP September 2019 Ontario
Becky · On April 3, 2019 at 08:37
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Once people are given permission to have it off I haven't heard of it being ever revoked. Sounds like she is behind it. How is your FH dealing with everything right now?
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On April 2, 2019 at 23:39
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Yeah when the situation came up I was speechless..then when he told us he won't be coming (most likely) I was just shocked..that's not a friend! I feel bad for my FH but he says he's okay with it and he's moving on so all is good for now. Situation is just horrible!
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On April 2, 2019 at 23:37
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I won't lie, I am happy he's not in the wedding party and I'm defit not broken up about them not coming to the wedding but I'm just mad because of the situation and how he's treating my FH.. it's unacceptable as any kind of friend!
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VIP June 2019 Ontario
Holly · On April 2, 2019 at 23:36
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I really hope she's not behind it but at the same time I do because if he's the reason they are not going then that's even more disappointing! He had the day booked off and claimed they took it away, which is against labour laws so I doubt that happened..
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Allison · On April 2, 2019 at 13:15
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That sucks! Especially since you've had issues with this groomsman and his GF in the past. I mean, I'm a bridesmaid in my friend's wedding in June, she's also in mine. We both live far away from our hometown where we are both getting married and we're committed to each other's wedding. We both have work commitments but made sure that we're able to get the time off well in advance to be able to be good bridesmaids to each other.
My FH has asked me questions about her wedding like what should he wear, etc but not as demanding as your ex-groomsman's gf, who clearly has some jealousy issues. I mean if you can't get over the fact that your S/O walks down the aisle with another member of the wedding party (which takes maybe a minute?!) then you have problems.
Honestly, your FH is probably hurt by this, but you probably dodged a bullet by kicking him out. The ex-groomsman will probably regret it for the rest of his life too and their friendship will suffer for his gf's pettiness.
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Top August 2017 Ontario
Vinod · On April 2, 2019 at 11:52
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It seems the groomsman in this case has not decided yet to come as he either making excuses or not trying hard enough because of his gf. Rest assured he may be your FHs best friend yet wanting to keep his gf happy too, so he may be torn.
His gf in this case shouldn't have done what she did and cause you this stress about the answers given feeling uncertain. Her jealousy will get the best of her and may turn on her one day, so don't worry about it at all and move on without the last groomsman.
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Super September 2019 British Columbia
Seleena · On April 2, 2019 at 11:51
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Dear lord, I feel for you! I am not having a wedding party at all, but I had the same issue with BOTH of my FH best friends. We sent out Save-the-dates just over 1 year in advance and invitations 6 months in advance (because the wedding is across the country for everyone). I kept having to ask FH to remind his friends and to ask if they were coming because obviously things need to get booked (flights/rooms/ferry). Finally one said his gf was pregnant so they aren't coming and his other friend said he "couldn't make that commitment as of right now". Like wth. I feel bad for my FH because those were his only friends coming, and now he has no friends coming.
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Master October 2019 Ontario
Casey · On April 2, 2019 at 10:36
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WOW. I am literally speechless reading that. You gave him SO MUCH time to prepare for this day, and yet he still flakes.
On the upside, if he is not in the wedding party you do not have to deal with his GF.
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Top October 2019 Manitoba
Tori · On April 2, 2019 at 09:42
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For real??? What kind of person is that??
I hate when things like this come up and as much as you want to know what kind of people your friends really are before big events like this - it sucks that it's happening so close to the wedding.
Honestly feel like one of my FH's GM is so flaky and don't want him in the wedding party either because he isn't just unreliable, but hasn't helped nearly as much as others and blames us for choosing days he works... like... he has Wed/Thurs off and literally everybody else works a Mon-Fri job....
At least you can dodge the bullet (as frustrating as it is), I've got to let it go as it's too late to replace him (he bought the suit...).
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VIP September 2019 Ontario
Becky · On April 2, 2019 at 08:40
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Oh my!! I am so sorry to hear about this and can't imagine how your FH is feeling! That has to hurt. My FH had asked his best friend and because he works a number of hours away/lives and already was in one wedding that year he told him within a week of asking that it wouldn't be a good idea as he wanted my FH to have the ultimate experience and he wouldn't be able to give that experience as a best man. Thats when he declined. I thought it was a nice way and we understood as he also mentioned they are relocating him for work.
If this is true and his gf is behind it, she could have just costed him his best friend and if or when they break up he will realize what has happened.
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