Kids or no Kids ?

Due to space limitations at our potential venue we are only inviting kids to the ceremony as it will be outside & only bridal party/ out of town kids will be attending the reception.

We are allowing kids at ours. There will likely be only a handful of them and most of them will be school age, with some exceptions. If the parents choose not to bring them that's their choice, but the children will be invited.

We are going with kids allowed! We only have about 8 or so who would have come total. After sending invites out to everyone, no one is bringing their kids!! So best of both worlds for us but I say have to kids come and the parents will appreciate the option!

Sounds your wedding planner is making all the decisions for you both and what to have and not do. LOL! This is ultimately both you and your fiancé decision to make at the end because its your families and not the wedding planner. Your a family person, make it kid friendly to know they can enjoy themselves as much as the parents. Its hard enough to make time to see the kids and the whole family will be together celebrating your day. Do what you two feel is the best way to make your day special. You choose to go kid free, just phrase it Adult Evening Only as those kids you don't want attending with the names on the invitation and # of guests in the RSVP card not for guests to fil out. Our wedding was kid friendly as we always celebrate with kids no matter what occasion it is and always happy to see them growing up how much time has passed by the last time seen. Family is a big thing for us.

My finance and I have a 5 year old daughter, and we obviously aren't going to have a wedding without her, so our wedding is with kids by default. However, she will leave early with a grandparent, as I don't believe in having children at Adult parties past 9:30-10PM.

They are soo many pro and cons to having Kids at your wedding, or having a child free wedding. It's your day, do what you want.

Honestly, I absolutely don't want kids at my wedding. Parents can't party and relax and have a good time if they're busy worrying about their kids the whole time. But, my fiance has 7 nieces and nephews and we can't not invite them. They're also old enough to manage themselves during the party so the parents can still enjoy themselves. But of course, lots of of friends have kids so we decided to state in the wedding invites something polite along the lines of no kids for the wedding, only kids there will be of immediate family for capacity reasons and to give you parents a break. That was our compromise. In your case, have the discussion you only want select kids there and close it off to his side or something. The guest list is like the only thing we've had a hard time with throughout all the planning. Good luck!

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You could theoretically do what I did: your cousins are invited because you invited them and they're on your half of the guest list while groom doesn't invite his cousins for his half.

Of course, make sure he's okay with bearing the brunt of that decision.

It should be a decision between you and your fiance and what you both want. If you are both agreeable to having/wanting kids there, go for it. Don't let your wedding planner/future SIL dictate that choice of yours.

View quoted message Probably because my grooms little cousins are super misbehaved kids but my little cousins are a bit older and very behaved.

View quoted message Essentially yes. My cousins are super behaved but my grooms cousins we not and way younger.

Are those not-as-well behaved kids part of your family or are they kids of friends?

We invited some kids and not others but the invited kids are from my side of the guest list. If anyone from her side makes a fuss about not being able to bring their kids, we're just going to say we didn't micromanage each other's list. But we also have the covid blanket to fall back on with regards to capacity.

My fiance and I are having kids at our wedding. They're cousins of ours as well as our friends kids. They've been a part of our lives since we started dating. How could you say no to kids. It's your wedding and you're able to invite whoever you want. Your wedding planner shouldn't be telling you who you should be inviting and not inviting. It's not her wedding

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Oh no that is an awkward situation!

I mean you're already choosing to invite certain people over others unless you're having like a 500 person wedding and literally inviting everyone you know lol. It just happens to be adults that you've already made decisions over. I think it's also similar to inviting partners of guests. You aren't obligated to invite every single person's partner, especially if you have no relationship with them or don't get along with them.

Basically what I'm trying to get at is you don't have to make it about inviting kids vs not inviting kids. You're inviting these cousins as individual people and you're choosing not to invite other people (who happen to be misbehaved children) that you aren't as close to. That's completely understandable. You have limited space and nobody would expect you to spend extra money to have every single person attend that might want to be there regardless of your relationship with them if we're strictly talking about adults. Why should it be different for children?

These blanket "rules" re guests that the wedding industry has thrown at us for years are completely arbitrary. Someone just decided one day to make them up and some of them are now taken as gospel. Sure, sometimes inviting people you don't want is easier to keep the peace and that's a decision you have to make for yourself about whether it's worth it or not. But I really think most people are of the opinion that you should just invite who you want and they'd probably do the same for their own wedding too if there wasn't this weird social pressure that nobody asked for.

View quoted message I am definitely in a weird position because my wedding planner is my future SIL and also a bridesmaid and I didn’t have a choice except to hire her …. So it’s definitely an interesting scenario lol. I just know I want my little cousins there and they are behaved! But there are definitely some way younger kids that are not behaved that I don’t want there. I just kind of find it weird inviting only some kids and not others lol.

I think you need to tell your wedding planner to mind her business and just invite whoever you want. That’s so rude of her. Like fine, if you ask her opinion then sure she can give it, but just to say no kids for someone else’s wedding is really rude.
And this is coming from someone who doesn’t enjoy when kids are at weddings or even just around in general. Not a kid person at all lol. I like spending time (*short periods of time 😂) with my siblings’ kids but that’s it. But I’m not going to tell other people what they should/shouldn’t do with their wedding!
If you decide for yourself that you want a child free wedding or to limit the number of kids, I was planning to use wording similar to this in a FAQ section of our website:Q: Can I bring my children to the wedding?A: While we would love to invite everyone to our wedding, only children who were specifically invited are able to attend. If your child was not named on the invitation, they are unfortunately not invited.