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Alison
Frequent user August 2022 Ontario

Just feeling down and defeated - cancelled small ceremony

Alison, on July 2, 2020 at 17:00 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13
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Sorry for the long rant...
So we decided to postpone our big August wedding back in April. I initially had a hard time with the decision and like a lot of people had some good cries. Then I got over it and actually started to get excited about our plan to have a small ceremony this year on our original date with immediate family and bridal party, and having a symbolic ceremony/big celebration next August.Our plan has always been to have the small ceremony at my future in laws farm because they have a big outdoor space that would be easy to socially distance. This week we sent out emails to everyone invited (there would be 25-30 ppl including photographer and officiant) about all the steps we would be taking to ensure safety because the last thing we want is for someone to get sick on account of us.
My fiancé then gets an email from his sisters saying they have concerns because his parents have some underlying issues and they’re worried about their health. Anyways long story short, they don’t feel comfortable with us having a ceremony at all, even with social distancing measures, unless it was literally just us and our parents). One of them lives in a different country where Covid is having devastating effects, and basically asked us why we even have to get married at all this year if we’ve already postponed to next year.
Anyways, this has completely taken the winds out of my sails. I had bought a simple dress, we had our officiant, and were in talks with our photographer and chair rentals among other things. Now we’re likely just going to cancel the whole thing and wait until next year because they are obviously worried, and we can’t be bothered to start a family blow-up. Not to mention if something did end up happening to their parents we could never live with ourselves.
Anyways, thank you for reading this far. I just feel so defeated and can’t seem to stop crying. I figure only 2020 couples can really understand what I’m going through 😢

13 Comments

Latest activity by Sarah, on July 6, 2020 at 20:45
  • Sarah
    Expert August 2021 British Columbia
    Sarah ·
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    I’m so sorry 😢 I totally get both sides I was an August bride as well and it sucks.We are going to wait until next year but are celebrating our would be date together with a small f-you covid-19 house party.
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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    That sucks. Why don’t you just do a small city hall ceremony / elopement? Just you two , and your witnesses. That way you still get married and no one specific is left out because technically everyone is left out lol this is what we’re doing just us two, our two kids and our parents in Oct. and the big wedding is next July
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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    Thanks for the support! We are trying to remain positive. We're going to wait a month to see where Ontario is at and go from there.

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  • Kailey
    Frequent user July 2021 Ontario
    Kailey ·
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    I'm so sorry you are going though this! It's hard enough dealing with the postponement of the first wedding but than to have all this on top is terrible.


    I no it sounds like everything is tainted for you but as you said the date is special, we felt this way to. I don't no if you are open to the idea of a secret wedding but it is what I am planning. We are having our parents and siblings plus my two bridesmaids. We are not having a wedding party but we are legally get married the day we planned our officiant had been amazing and is doing this one and next years and is making a fake document for the witnesses and us to sign next year so no one will even no we aren't actually getting married (besides the 12 people in attendance). Keep that in mind that you and your fiance could do a wedding for yourselves and have a wedding next year that everyone will enjoy being non the wiser 😉
    We waited 12 years to finally do this we weren't letting covid stop us but we also know the excitement our family and close friends felt so we wanted next year to have the same amazing wedding feeling it should.

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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    I meant to say don't give up on your wedding day. The first part came out wrong and wanted to correct it. Zoom is a great way to have all your guests seeing the ceremony if that works for you both. The video can be played next year for everyone to see otherwise on a projector.
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  • Amanda
    Expert July 2022 Ontario
    Amanda ·
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    Hey Girl,
    I am so sorry you are going through this. Especially having high hopes that you were able to at the minimum do you ceremony this year, and now that all comes crushing down. I understand how you are feeling. I also do think its safer to postpone if they don't feel safe mainly for the fact that IF they did get COIVD you would never forgive yourself and that would be forever haunting.
    I think its best to do a live streamed ceremony like another user had mentioned. Then do your full reception and re-do vows next year? or like you had mentioned just wait until next year and do it all together. I know us COVID affected brides are eager to get married, and just want ti finally call our fiances our husbands, but make sure you do it a way you are HAPPY with, because you don't want to regret waiting and doing a "normal" wedding - If what you have planned wasn't what you've dreamed of.

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  • Stefanie
    Newbie July 2021 Alberta
    Stefanie ·
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    I’m so sorry this is happening to you! Is there any way you could still do a small ceremony on the date but with just you and your fiancé and the officiant and photographer and live-stream it?? Or even try to do it on a video chat service?
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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    😂. It’s perfect.
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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    Wedding wire doesn't let us use more colorful language so I had to make due with party poopers😉
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  • Alison
    Frequent user August 2022 Ontario
    Alison ·
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    Thanks Amelia. You’re right, the date is significant to us because it’s already our dating anniversary, and it’s also my parents anniversary too which I think makes it even more special. Originally I was happy when the restrictions in Ontario moved from 5 to 10 people and we were going to do a ceremony with us, our 1 and 3 year olds, and our parents. But once it got increased to 50 people we were stoked because that meant everyone closest to us could come. Now that we’ve planned for that, it doesn’t seem as special to go back to the 10 person plan 😞. Plus, the whole ceremony seems “tainted” now if that makes sense. I like your use of the term party poopers lol. Definitely feels applicable to my situation!
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  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Giving up on the idea of getting married this year and celebrating next year with your guests as a Vow Renewal isn't a bad idea for them to still see the love for you both. Make it a day to celebrate with family and wedding party to be present with you and still wear the dress along with the Officiant/photographer present to make your day special. You will have some guests and family members say something about the wedding.

    You want to make it a celebration for your 1st Anniversary next year, it isn't a bad idea either to wear your dress again on a auspicious occasion.

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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
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    Ugh. It sounds like you're going through hell and back.


    Are you open to the idea of the mega small, more elopement style ceremony? I only ask because keeping the date seems important to you. And you wouldn't need to tell the party poopers, next year you could still have the symbolic ceremony decide if you ever want to tell people they missed the legal one.
    I hope it gets easier and that you can find some hope and positivity again!
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