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Becky
VIP September 2019 Ontario

Issues with friend/bridesmaid

Becky, on June 3, 2018 at 10:50 Posted in Before the wedding 0 14
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Not sure how to handle this!
One of my bridesmaids is also getting married and 3 months before me. My fh and I are in there wedding party. She’s in mine but my fh hasn’t decided on his yet. Recently she has acted really strange making it all a competition and we haven’t even spoke for over a month. I went and stopped in to break the ice as before she had made some rude comments about me to my future sister in law. She had told me she got her dress already (it was something that I had tried on and wanted to go back and try on again). I went and found my dress yesterday’s ith my fmil! I am in love, she bought her dress same place but told me off the rack. I showed her my dress and she told me it was her top three and was in love with it. Then decided to mention she actually hasn’t paid for her dress yet. Now I’m afraid she will go back and order it and not tell me. It has been drama for a while and I am having bad anxiety over it. I don’t feel that if I can’t have a bridesmaid I can show everything to what’s the point? I want to drop out of her wedding and tell her she is no longer in mine as it would be for the best with planning and schedules.

Backtracking- she complained I was planning too early. She came with me to try on dresses and I made apt for the weekend after to go back and decide. Two days later I get text she went and tried on dresses and bought one. Then she wanted the bridesmaids Togo dress shopping in June but nothing worked schedule wise so it’s planned for July. She’s getting married next July and changed her colors 4 times. All of us are worried as store told us only takes two months to get dress and another two to alter if needed that she will change her mind on colors. We would like to go dress shopping later on in year. She has also hinted at maybe switching and using my colors and I have stated since day one these are my colors. It’s been things like this building up.

14 Comments

Latest activity by Lyla, on June 6, 2018 at 02:55
  • Lyla
    Devoted July 2018 Alberta
    Lyla ·
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    Omg I couldn’t imagine this stress on top of the normal wedding stresses. It sounds like the ladies have given good advice and I agree that you and your fh need to come to a decision together. I wish you luck and totally feel for ya love ❤️
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    I have talked to him, I don't think he will be having my friends fiancé in the wedding party. however he is in theirs, this is why I am hesitating on backing out. Its hard call and I don't want to make things more stressful. I am just frusterated that I have a bridesmaid I don't want to talk to things about. she may drop out when comes to picking out dresses too.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Thanks Tori! I have talked to him and he understands why I am upset and agreed that she needs to go. I haven't officially done anything about it yet.

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I think that the overall feeling in the reply section is to get out while you can. Just make sure you and your FH are on the same page about it.

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  • Stephanie
    Master July 2018 Alberta
    Stephanie ·
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    I think you need to talk to your fiance, because it sounds like he is also friends with her fiance. If you drop out of her wedding, it will end your friendship. Then, it will be harder for your fiance and her fiance to remain friends. If he's willing to give up on this friendship as well, then you should both drop out of their wedding. If not, I think you need to stick it out for the sake of your fiance and his friendship with this other guy. Just keep your details from her and try to not talk about your wedding while around her until after her wedding.

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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    That sounds so overly stressful, I would for sure talk to her and drop out of being in her wedding. And if she is going to be upset or start anything over it then I would ask her to step down from being your bridesmaid.
    Wedding planning shouldn't be a competition and it shouldn't be full of drama
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  • B
    Devoted September 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    Drop out and drop her! You don’t need that kind of stress and negativity in your life! Especially so close to your wedding day!
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    She doesn’t understand it fully why people dropped out. She thinks they are too busy as new mom and dad. They both dropped out when on each side of wedding party. The girl dropped out due to everything that was asked and now treated.

    Thank you you for the advice!
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  • Valérie
    VIP September 2019 Quebec
    Valérie ·
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    That just sounds draining. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.

    Ouch - What was her reaction to two people dropping out of the bridal party? I mean, does she understand why?

    I also agree with the other brides below: you need to get out of there, before it completely ruins your friendship! I know it's been mentioned already but, just be honest and let her know how toxic this has become. That you don't want it to be a competition.

    Hope it works out and that both of you can happily plan your wedding Smiley smile

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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    Likely for good reasons, such as the ones you've mentioned. I'd get out if I were you too.

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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    Thank you! I feel the friendship is already gone and still year left from wedding. I tried to make better but it’s one sided
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  • Becky
    VIP September 2019 Ontario
    Becky ·
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    I feel it has just been anxiety and stress to max with it. I didn’t see it coming and can’t belive it because all I have done is support, give ideas. She’s already had two people drop out of the wedding party as well.
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  • E
    Expert December 2018 Ontario
    Emma ·
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    This is not a friend. Honestly I would drop out of her wedding party and I would remove her from yours. Just be honest tell her you don’t want things to be a competition and then each of you can focus on your day. Then don’t share any information with her on what you are planning.

    My my first wedding I had to drop 2 bridesmaids about 7 months before the wedding. It’s hard but you need good people around you.
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  • Jen
    VIP June 2018 Ontario
    Jen ·
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    Oh wow. This sounds like way too much drama and stress. I was also asked to be in my friends wedding party who is getting married a mont after me. I did not ask her to be in mine because I knew it would be too difficult for her. Well, she became very angry that we got engaged after her but planned to get married before her, starting picking all of my colours, dresses, etc. then started demanding that I save at least $3000 for her upcoming parties, when I wasn't even the maid of honour and wouldn't be planning them. It essentially came down to me dropping out of her party because I couldn't handle the stress any longer. It honestly sounds like this is what you need to do as well. Some girls become insane when it comes to wedding planning and make it a competition. It's so annoying. Good luck!

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