Is this tacky and bad etiquette? fh and i don't seem to agree...

In the end I just told my B list by word of mouth. We had reserved a certain of spots at the restaurant (more rather than less) and told them that they were welcome to join in. Thankfully my group of people were quite understanding that I couldn't invite everyone to the wedding and were happy i extended the invitation. They all could not make it in the end as my wedding was on Fathers' day and they already had other plans.

I'm struggling with this idea as well. So what are your plans? Did you make a reservation at a restaurant for X amount of people? And how does your B List know they are paying for themselves? Did you send separate invitations?

We'd like to do a small brunch reception after the ceremony but I don't want to miss out on having fun with friends and extended family either. I just wasn't sure what the best way to go about doing both would be.

Thanks for everyone's wonderful input!

I really find these forums helpful to make informed decisions and the community has been really kind! I think I'm feeling the crunch and getting a little stressed out and worried about rubbing people the wrong way...:/

I feel more comfortable now to extend the supper invitation to my "B-listers". My FH and I just have to be confident in our decisions and have faith that people will be understanding. And if not, so be it...

I feel there should only been one list of guests. I agree with your point of view. However, after budgeting for my own wedding, I would not be offended if I made the B list...first off, I don't think of it as a B List. If you express to people you want to have an intimate ceremony but a party for the reception, I tjink everyone will understand. And if they don't understand the costing and intimacy a family wedding can provide, should they truly be invited to any part of your wedding day?

Very well said! I agree!

Don't do anything that you're uncomfortable with, but if it was me for example and I wasn't invited to the actual, but got an invite for the after portion, I would still feel blessed to be apart of your day and understand why I didn't get an invite to the earlier portion. just be honest and let them know that you really want to celebrate with them, but this is the only way you could make it work. hope this helps and good luck

I think it's fine however, if you're uncomfortable with it, he can invite the people he wants and you can just keep it with the people you've already invited to everything else.

I say the more the merrier! They will be paying their own way so no problem expense wise!If people get offended because of being on guest list b and not a then they simply don't have to come. To me this is no different than being invited to reception only (dance) and not the dinner. I have accepted lots of those, what's the difference. It's just nice to be included at all Have a fantastic time and worry less.

I've always been of the opinion that people should be invited to everything or nothing when it comes to weddings. We are having a small wedding mostly because we want an intimate setting, but also because we want to serve really good food and open bar to everyone and keeping the numbers low is one way to make that work for us. I have always felt like inviting people to the reception only and not the dinner is like saying "we like you enough for you to come and give us a gift, but not enough to feed you dinner."

However, I also believe in always seeing things from both sides. Maybe it is not an option for some people to have a small wedding, even if they want to. You are specifically telling people to not bring gifts to the after party, which I think is really important. Also, I like to think that most people are decent humans and will understand that there are reasons why they are invited to the after party only. It's your day and no one needs to make you feel bad about doing things the way that you want to, for whatever reasons you have!

Inviting other people is fair game as long as you don't expect gifts and explain it's due to space constraints. As long as you're honest and make it clear that it's just the dinner portion, not the ceremony and reception, that's ok.

It's all a matter of opinion and what you feel comfortable with, but yes I agree with you. Doesn't matter which way you justify it in my opinion, someone is likely to get offended. I feel the same way about showers as well. You shouldn't invite people to showers and then they aren't good enough to be invited to the wedding. To me this is the same idea! I know my family would be super offended if I did something like that. I don't know if that was what you wanted to hear but I hope you figure it out!