Is anyone else very unhappy planning a wedding?

Same. In my case it has been two particular people that have been sucking the joy out of everything my fiance and decide on. I'll stress about making a decision, we'll make the decision and be happy about it, share the decision, and then have one of two people make a stink about it.

Its hard to dodge unwanted and negative feedback. I completely understand how disappointing it is to have someone shoot down an idea you're excited about. This has been my biggest issue and honestly the source of 95% of my stress. It sucks because there are only so many times that a nosy family member or friend will be put off with vague answers. If someone doesn't care about boundaries they will go out of their way to find out information.

Everyone is going to have an opinion BUT you are under no obligation to humor them. One comment I saw in a different thread that really struck a chord with me is, "Its your wedding, not a family reunion". I can't seem to find the thread, otherwise I would leave a link for you.

Your wedding is a celebration of the love between you and your fiance. You're choosing to share that love with your family and friends and that is their PRIVILEGE, not their right. They need to remember that you and your fiance will still love each other regardless of (for example) a friend trying to make the wedding to her tastes because she is jealous her boyfriend hasn't proposed yet or some uncle being upset because you chose buffet over plated dinner.

View quoted message

I hear you, sitting down and looking at it all. It can really add up! I was tell my FH we may need to consider something local too. A little weekend in Quebec City can still be beautiful, bonus is putting money back into our own economy rather than another countries.

I definitely get where you are coming from- I do love planning and I have enjoyed it but our wedding is just under 3months away and all of the big things are done. I had a really hard time with all of the large payments- it is SO much money and we want to buy a house at some point in the semi-near future...but with the wedding and honeymoon its looking like the home buying keeps getting pushed back. We are now in the 'little things' stage of planning and it is SO overwhelming...I have the most random list on my phone of little things that need to be done before the big day...over all 3 months seems worlds away, but if I really look hard at the number of weekends left and ALL there is to do, it gives me a mini-panic attack each time.

I do find that lists help a lot. We used the Google budget app to keep track of all of our wedding spending. Also try to find the things you know you enjoy and really savor those moments (I keep re-living cake tasting day haha)

After the wedding if there are any decorations or anything that you can re-sell to make back some of the costs that can help a bit with the debt.

In the end remember that it is YOUR day...you guys are the one who matter most on your wedding day so try not to pay attention to any push back and unwanted advice. If you guys are happy with what you are planning then that is all that matters

View quoted message I had to let my dream of a honeymoon go once weI re-evaluated the wedding budget based on, well, reality. We are going to see if we can book ourselves a nice local hotel room for the wedding night, but that’s about all we can do.

View quoted message

They are really expensive, and we wanna take a nice honeymoon too. So that just adds to the pile. That’s pretty good advice, letting some little things go that don’t really matter anyway will make my life much easier!

View quoted message What is working for me is letting go of stuff more. For example, I wanted dresses colors the store didn’t have, so I picked a different shade. And I wanted dresses to more less match, but my brodamaids have such different tastes that they ended up getting very different styles, but all same colour and length. And I wanted a photographer for the “get ready” part of the day, but we can only afford 6 hours of the photographer I like so I need to rethink the timing of the wedding. And we can’t afford to send invitations so we are just emailing people the website. But those things matter less than the big picture so I’m trying not to get hung up on them. Over all, I’m trying to be Big picture focus, not detail obsessed. And I’m trying to let things happen instead of forcing things to happen a certain way. But the money stress just sucks (for me) Not sure if I have any advice for that part. Weddings are resicilouy expensive even if your trying not to be.

Thanks. I’m feeling a bit better now. I’ve had to take a step back and let some of my vision go. I think I’m ok with things being “close enough” now. Every decision has come with compromises so instead of stressing over it I’m just trying to go with the flow. That’s taking some of the weight off of my shoulders. And I’ve stopped talking about the wedding with people who I know will give unwanted advice critical advice.

Hey Kendra!
Sorry to hear you’re having anxiety and not feeling the greatest. I actually felt the same for a majority of my wedding planning up until Mid-Jan 2019 (have been planning since Nov 2017).
If you haven’t bought the BMs dresses yet, and you’re open to this idea, I actually let my BMs choose which dress they wanted. Well my criteria was they had to be floor length and all the same colour, BUT they could choose the top part (strapless, halter, 1 strap etc). I let them be part of the decision making because I didn’t want them to be unhappy.
As for the fiancé...he wanted this big majestic wedding yet I was doing all the work and contacting all the vendors. I was getting burnt out and tired from the wedding planning so I had a discussion with him and asked him for more help. I also started to delegate things to him. Our wedding is in 6 months and he realizes that he can’t put stuff on hold any longer.
Take a weekend off from wedding planning. Or take a day off and just use that time to focus on your well being. Take a bath or go do a workout. Whatever it is you do that helps with stress. I would then take a few minutes and visualize your perfect day and think of why you want to marry your future husband!! This is YOUR day. It’s coming up and it’s so shitty not feeling excited about it. I hope this helps!!

I am at the stage where we are planning the little details that my fiance doesn't really find important to getting him to help out is proving difficult. He also had the "we have all the time in the world" attitude and now that we are 120 days out from the wedding he is realizing how much stuff he still has left to do and uses this as an excuse to get out of helping with other things. So now I am doing things myself and its getting tedious and sucking some of the joy out of it.

Good LUCK!! Tell me what works for you, I’m a year away so I expect I’ll be in your shoes in 6 months and I’ll need something to help ME too lol

My FH is the same and we’re buying a house this year and planning the wedding for march 2020 so we have lots of money to be spent over the next 12 months and it scares the crap out of me! But I gotta remember that it’s worth it in the end. I plan on letting my Bridesmaids to pick their own dresses with my colours in mind and my approval too so I don’t see myself having that problem.

I think you need a break from planning! I know it’s hard but try and get away from it for a weekend or just a day. Do something you love or got on a mini-vacation of some sort! But rule #1 no wedding planning as hard as that sounds! You might be overwhelmed and a day or two away from it all wont hurt you. Even 6 months out! If you aren’t already, you could even allocate some dedicated time for planning and try sticking to that so you don’t get distracted with it at work or anything.

Ahh!! I get what you mean about the dept and deposits. My fh feels the same about it all being done soo early lol even though needs to be. I have had some drama with my bms too and the dress part kinda an issue with some people.

Have you done the registry's yet? any cake tests and bridal shows. Those tend to be the fun parts of it! If you have anyone in the wedding party your really close with and they are very supportive you could do a girls day and she could help you catch on some things for the wedding. It def helps release stress

I am SO SORRY you're feeling that way! It really, truly breaks my heart... I'm having an absolute blast planning my wedding! (Not to brag or anything.)
Listen, I went to school for events and I never planned on doing weddings, but I will help you in any way that I can, so please reach out anytime!

Wow, you basically put every single thought and emotion I've had since I got engaged into words. I'm so excited to get married to the man I love... and I hate every minute of wedding planning. I keep telling myself it's just a dumb party that will at least end with some amazing music (thanks to my sick playlist-making skills, ahem)... and it kinda helps?

Oh girl I have been there. Especially with the finance struggles. Its very stressful once everything adds up. I actually really enjoy the planning part of it, just not the spending.

This is a lot for one person to take on, so if you're stressed, and not enjoying yourself, its time to sit down with your fiance and get him to take responsibility for aspects of the planning.

I agree with the responses below with not discussing your plans with people who will give negative feedback. Its your day. Do what makes you happy. I've had feedback on the guest list that has been upsetting, but this community is a great place to reach out to others and get their reassurance and guidance.

Re: bridesmaid dresses. This is tough because I've been a bridesmaid and have had to spend over $200 on a dress I hated. But I was also that friend that just sucked it up and bought the thing because I loved my friend and it was her wedding and that's what she wanted.

But because of that experience, I didn't want to make my friends spend a ton of money on a dress they hated. I sent them a picture of what I really liked. The colour and length were non-negotiable, but if they found another style that they liked better, then they could go that route. They all ended up picking the same dress, but they appreciated having the option, and they don't resent me haha. Also, the price was very reasonable around $90.

Pick your battles I guess.

You're not alone. It's hard for many people. I know you aren't looking for advice, but you don't have to have a wedding if you would rather do something like travel with the money. You could elope. Life is about what makes you happy and if this isn't what makes you happy you're going to regret spending time doing it. And that's okay to not have a typical wedding. We live in 2019! You can do whatever you want these days!

View quoted message Thanks. It’s good to know I am not alone. And it’s good to know I have a place where I can vent. That does help.

You’re 100% not alone with how you’re feeling!

It’s funny how the one thing people don’t tell you about planning a wedding is how much it’s going to suck life out of you and make you want to elope 1000 times over. The good thing is that you’re definitely going to get some of your money back in the way of gifts (some guests always give cash), and it’s going to be over soon enough.

Talk to your fiancé about how you’re feeling since there’s no reason you should be suffering this burden alone, tell your bridesmaids to suck it up (after all, they agreed to be in your wedding party, therefore wearing whatever dress YOU choose), and remember why you’re doing this - to marry the one you love.

Everything will be okay! And remember that you always will have your Wedding Wire family here to vent to ❤️

To be completely honest with you, it’s sucking the joy out of my life too. I have no motivation to get things done. Tomorrow we are 90 days away from our wedding, and I can’t wait for it to be over and done with! We still have like $8k to pay, and I’m tired of putting so much of our extra money into one day lol.bI think I’m just having a bad day. Lol. If your FH won’t give you his opinion, then do whatever you want haha. And don’t share your plans with anyone, that way you don’t get unwanted opinions. Maybe try and give your bridesmaids a couple options? Although it’s your big day, you don’t want them uncomfortable in what their wearing. Good luck! I’m so jealous of the people that love planning and are doing such an amazing job at it!

Casey's right - I had a meltdown the other night about our venue. My FH and I would have been happy with a simple wedding on the beach but my parents wanted to throw us a party so we got a venue that closely follows our original vision. I sometimes feel like cancelling and going on a destination wedding but it is nice having an all-inclusive venue, and it will be fun!

Also I feel you on the deposit thing, now that I have put down deposits for almost all venues, it feels all locked-in, another reason why I haven't just ditched the plans lol.

As for the unwanted opinions, I would not share your plans with the naysayers, unless it's someone like your mom/wedding party. Let people be surprised at your wedding, if the have something mean to say, it's definitely too late to critique at the wedding day.

Also I would sit and talk with your FH and let him know that while he thinks there is still lots of time, that time is coming up fast.

Deep breaths! It’s a lot for one person, it really is and currently it sounds like you’re flying solo.

First thing you really need to do is have a discussion with your fiancé. He needs to understand that 6 months is not a lot of time when it comes to weddings and that right now you need his help because it’s too much for you on your own. This is his wedding too, it shouldn’t be solely on you!

Secondly, stop sharing details with people who are just giving you pushback. Politely respond with ‘oh we’re not quite decided yet’ or ‘It’ll be a surprise!’ They can’t make you feel bad about what you want if they don’t know and I assure you when the day comes, they won’t be focusing on those things!

Third and finally, do you have your heart set on certain bridesmaid dresses? Ask yourself whether it’s worth the fight or whether you’d rather give them a couple of rules and let them pick their own out to save the headache? If you’d rather save the headache just give them some rules and have them pick their own within those rules. If you’re set on a specific dress then you’ve got to be prepared to stand your ground, but bare in mind if they all hate the dress are they going to be miserable in it on the big day because that’s the last thing you want!

Hang in there! The day will come and it’ll be so worth it!

It is 100% normal to go through these times. I had some serious anxiety around planning in the beginning. We were going to do destination, I then had a full breakdown about my 85 year old grandmother not being able to travel to a destination, plus the difficulty of my sister coming from Australia was going to be difficult financially. Thank God my FH is amazing and just wanted me to be happy, so we completely switched our plan and are having a local ceremony and reception. But there are times where I get comments about oh we should have done that, or oh no one cares, and those comments get to me... but at the end of the day I am marrying my best friend.

I am not enjoying the money part of it, and putting down deposits, but I some how have put that out of my mind and learned to just accept it (YOLO lol)

Take it one day at a time, one thing at a time. Make lists, make charts, try to get yourself organized and go through what needs to be done.

As for your Bridesmaids not liking the dresses.... it is your day, and this is what you want and they should support that no matter what ( Hello 27 dresses and the crazy stuff she had to wear in weddings lol )

We are all here for you to support you through any troubles you have, or even just a place to rant and get it all out!