Inviting some children and not others

View quoted message Yes, that’s what I’m going with! We will invite those cousins he’d like to invite and offer a babysitter to the aunt and uncle with the 11 year old (if needed). 😊 The only kids in attendance will be my niece and nephew but they are family/in the bridal party.


Thanks!

When it was our guest list, my family was half the number of his and our second family put together. Family is always important to us and always have them part of the celebration. In this case of some over other kids, it will come across as favouritism which will make others feel their kids aren't truly appreciated to be invited.

In a way, its going to come down to Adults Only evening or full family coming together. No one will feel offended in any way.

I think no kids is easier and more crowd pleasing than some kids. If you have a few people may be hurt, and if someone heard that so and so are bringing their kids then they will want to bring theirs too.

View quoted message I thought about that but unfortunately I have some cousins who are under the age of 16 who would not be invited. My family is massive!

View quoted message You could do an age cut off to justify the 11 year old and offer the babysitter to others who have kids so people won’t be as vocal about kids not being invited.

View quoted message Thank you and I like your compromise for the guest list too! I wish I was able to not invite any or all of my cousins but I’m much closer to some of them as most are least a decade older than me. I hope people will understand in the end!

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I understand that. My family is a lot bigger than my partner's, so he's planning on inviting everyone, whereas I am not planning on inviting any of my cousins. But he is pretty close to all of his extended family and they all live in the area, so we don't have quite the same dilemma as you. If they aren't able to leave their child with a family member and put up a fuss about not being able to bring it to the wedding, I think your original idea of providing a babysitter is a nice gesture and would be a good way to keep the peace.

View quoted message Thank you, this helps a lot! I think the whole “we should invite them all” thing stemmed from the fact his family is so much smaller compared to mine and the one family that has a younger child. My FH’s mother thinks they can just leave him at home with a family member. I’m sure she’s right.

I'm not totally sure I understand what you're saying. Your FH is not very close with his cousins, but you feel like you should invite them because they would have to travel a long way to attend the wedding? Are you saying that you would not invite them if they didn't have to travel? If he isn't close to them and doesn't really care to have them at the wedding then I say just don't invite them, similar to what you've done on your side of things.

With regard to the under 18 thing, I think it's much easier to stick to a hard rule that no children are allowed. It would be similar if you were inviting aunts and uncles, but no cousins. It makes it easier to explain your reasoning without making it personal to anyone.

Some people will likely be upset no matter what you decide, but at the end of the day you can only invite a certain number of people to your wedding and it is YOUR wedding, not theirs!

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That's a great point--people will judge regardless. This particular cousin will be 11 years old. The other (cousin's) children are toddlers/small children. Regarding the babysitter for the second cousins, I was thinking we could offer to find and pay for one at the hotel.

I was wondering if I should make an exception and just invite these children to the wedding as they are travelling a long distance but I feel like this is unfair to some of my aunts and uncles as their kids (my first cousins) are not invited.

How old is the other cousin? If they are a teenager, you might be able to get away with inviting them along. That being said, the cousins who have small children that would have to fly would probably pass if they have to find babysitting. Are you wondering whether to invite the cousin under 18 or both the cousin under 18 and his siblings’ children?
At the end of the day, people will judge you no matter what you do. We received some heat for our list but for us, it wasn’t negotiable. You have to do what you think is right for your day because if you try to accommodate everyone to keep the peace, it often never ends.