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Newbie August 2019 Manitoba

Inviting children

Brittany, on July 5, 2018 at 19:44 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 16
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My fiancé and I both have big families and there are a lot of kids and don’t think we can get away with not having them there. And we are okay with that. But we also have quite a few friends with kids too, And what I’m wondering is if it would be considered rude if we didn’t invite their kids too since we are having the kids from our families. What do you think?

16 Comments

Latest activity by Brittany, on August 3, 2018 at 19:40
  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    We made it 19+, with the exception of my one and only cousin who didn't make that cut off, but he's 16 or 17. The rest of our cousins are 21+... There's actually even one cousin's kid who is 21, and he's the only "kid" allowed to come, because my FH used to babysit him and they are closer, so he justified it with "he's an adult".

    My oldest nephew is 21, and he's not invited. My step-sister understands though, he's the oldest of 4 brothers and the other 3 wouldn't be invited.

    It's up to you... teenage close family members are the "on the line" guests... but ultimately it's your choice! If most of the rest of the kids you're not inviting are younger, people will maybe think you just meant young kids, but if there are many other kids their age not allowed to come, it will look like favoritism... which doesn't mean you can't do it, just be prepared to deal with it. It's your day, your choice.

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  • Jenna
    Curious June 2019 Ontario
    Jenna ·
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    Did you decide on an age cut off? I'm thinking we shouldn't invite kids but i have some young teenage cousins I feel I should invite as they're close family

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  • Leanne
    Expert September 2018 Ontario
    Leanne ·
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    I think it depends on the situation. Your friends may not care, as they may see this as an opportunity for Mom & Dad's night out. I had a difficult decision to make with this as well and decided it is our wedding, we will make the rules.

    For our wedding we have said no kids and made the exception for our flower girl/ring bearer who are also our only niece and nephew. Their parents have also hired a babysitter to come and pick them up from the wedding sometime after dinner, so they will not be there all night and my SIL and her husband can stay and enjoy themselves.

    We also ended up having to make another exception because I have family flying in from Scotland with a three year old and a 9 mo old. We cannot ask them not to bring their kids because there will be no one to watch their kids while we are all at the wedding, since everyone they know will be at the wedding and we didn't think it was fair to ask them to be okay with strangers watching their children.

    I have mentioned this to a few of my friends who have children and have asked if they are able to bring them (all under the age of 1), I have said no, but I have also given the heads up of why they will see kids there - so they dont get offended.

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  • Jennifer
    Super July 2019 Ontario
    Jennifer ·
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    I'm really struggling with this one too.

    I think a lot of friends figure that kids aren't invited. family kids are a different story. I don't think its rude...but I see what you mean too.


    I don't want kids at the wedding that I haven't specifically invited (one because of cost and I don't want a lot of kids around). If i invited all of the cousins kids/friends kids. it would add 50 people to our list. but we do have a few family members that we are allowing kids. our niece and nephew as they are in our wedding. my cousin's 2 kids (as this cousin is like my sister...we are VERY close..but I left it up to her...she may not bring them). and then 2 of my other cousins because they have NO ONE that could watch them (parents on the other side of the family aren't involved or deceased).
    so I've debated about putting an our invites, adult only reception. and then a handwritten note to those 2 cousins...but then I feel that is could be seen as rude for the cousins that show up without their kids and see 6 kids.
    UGGHHH

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  • Brittany
    British Columbia
    Brittany ·
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    I'm going to have a conflicting opinion here... but it's because I already went through this. I was just going to invite my 2 sister's kids (6 nephews, 1 niece), then my cousin's kids (1 boy, 1 girl, were going to be my ring bearer/flower girl)...

    I said we could just let them bring their kids then say no kids to everyone else... my step dad nearly lost it. He adamantly told me: "It's all kids, or no kids. Guests will be mad if some kids are there, but they had to pay for a babysitter" (or drive around town to in-laws or whatever). He said that people will be offended, and it's better to go with all or nothing. And that many people will try and have a night away from their kids anyways.

    Ultimately we went with no kids, because there would have been at least another 35 people, but we are having a formal, evening, winter wedding, and it just was a better fit for us to do no kids.

    I like the ideas of having kid friendly options, babysitting/play area... something... so people who need to bring kids can also enjoy themselves. I think you will also find that parents will often want the night off, and will probably get a sitter or something anyways.

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I invited kids from the family, most of our friends don't have kids yet. But I really like the wording on your invitations Tyanna. The reception will be open bar and there will be drunk adults lol and I'm not going to try and censor people's behaviour because kids are present. Most "kids" in our family are older now (teens) so we're not as worried about them.

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  • Erin
    Master September 2017 Ontario
    Erin ·
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    I think that is completely fine. The only kids at our wedding were our niece and nephews as there was no one to take care of them at home and the two eldest boys were our ring bearers. We did not invite any other kids even though our friends have them. No one seemed to mind and thought it was a nice weekend away for the couple.


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  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    Not at all! I'm keeping kids to family only! Friends who I know have kids will get invitations that say how many seats we have included for them which will nicely state they can't bring any extras please!

    I think it's fine to only have family kids there! I don't think anyone would feel negatives towards it!

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  • B
    Newbie August 2019 Manitoba
    Brittany ·
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    Family kids are invited because there are a lot of small children and everyone will be there so likely no one will be left to watch them. But hopefully my friends will want a night away from their kids and leave them at home
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  • B
    Newbie August 2019 Manitoba
    Brittany ·
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    I love that! I feel like they wouldn’t bring them anyways so they could have a night out from them but I love their kids too so I don’t want to make it seam like they are not wanted. But I like what you have on your website, that’s a good way to put it. Thanks
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  • Sarah
    Frequent user July 2020 Nova Scotia
    Sarah ·
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    Maybe invite the kids, and then offer a daycare alternative at your venue? That's if they have that option, ours does, so that later in the evening the kids can go off and do their own things while also being supervised and out of the parents way lol
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  • Tyanna
    Super June 2019 British Columbia
    Tyanna ·
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    We are in the same boat, and put this in our wedding websitebut will also be putting it in with invitations as a way to hopefully discourage some parents from bringing their kids.. we are looking at about 18 kids under the age of 12 and it stresses me out but I cant not invite them!

    I'm just doing this as a way to make it clear to the parents that while we have invited them, we dont want them to feel obligated to bring them since it will not be "tamed down" for the children attending!

    I already know of a few people who are more than happy to leave their kids at home to come have a good time with us and have "adult time" Haha!

    Inviting children 1
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  • Renee
    Devoted October 2018 Ontario
    Renee ·
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    Not rude at all as it is your wedding and your choice. For example some of our out of town guests will have to bring kids because litterally all the family will be coming, who will they leave the kids with? Lol and I have a cousin I've never met before who is bringing her daughter. But I have cousins in town with kids I won't be inviting. You can't have it all I guess. There has to be give and take and most of all understanding! My fiancées favorite line is "it's our wedding we can do what we want" and he's right! Lol
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  • Amber
    Devoted September 2018 Alberta
    Amber ·
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    We also have a ton of kids invited to our wedding. We decided to invite our friends children, but none of them are bringing them haha.

    We didn't want our friends to be offended when they came to the wedding and seen like 30 children and wondered why we didn't invite there's, but we also only have a few friends with kids so an extra 4 wouldn't have made a huge difference. It is your day and if the extra head count your friends kids add is to much I wouldn't invite them.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    We had invited kids from my side of the family since there wasn't any from other guests.
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  • Sonia
    Frequent user May 2019 Quebec
    Sonia ·
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    I would invite the kids. Our wedding is going to be full of kids and that’s just how I want it. We might even add a little “day care” area for them.

    the way I see it, it’s going to be really hard for the people I know to get a baby sitter and then that means that they won’t come. So we’re inviting the kids and they’ll be able to have fun all together. Doesn’t take much for kids to mingle and make friends 😜
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