Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Kassandra
Newbie September 2021 British Columbia

Invite or Not Invite?

Kassandra, on March 13, 2019 at 17:02 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 10
Saved
Reply

Hi all - I would love a little community help as I'm torn.

Apologies for the long story!
My Mom's side of the family is huge and for the most part we're all pretty close - so this will take up a lot of the invites (even with the venue allowing 140) On top of that is my Dad's side of the family, my partner's family, and then all of our friends. The reality is, some friends and family will not receive an invite.

What I need help with is a certain Uncle, and if it is okay or not okay to cut him from the invite list. Growing up, my Uncle always made it clear that he preferred my brother and my twin sister over myself and my other cousins. He would regularly invite them over for dinners, take them out to concerts, etc. without an invite to myself or any of our the other 8 cousins. I've never had a real relationship with him, and he's never bothered to make an effort.

In the last few years he has been living an polyamorous lifestyle - he has many girlfriends, and it is not uncommon for him to bring more than one to any family event. He feels that the family judges him and his lifestyle, and rarely comes to any family events. We get together almost every weekend, but he only shows up to Christmas, Easter, and Thanksgiving now. However, our family has no issues with his lifestyle, we just all dislike his 'main' girlfriend that is living with him - we find her to be very rude towards many family members.


Furthermore, at weddings he is a complete debbie-downer. At the most recent family wedding, he sits in his seat the entire time and does not socialize, mingle, or dance. He seems like he doesn't want to be there anyway.

So - with this long story - I feel like since I have never had any real relationship with this uncle, no effort at one, and a strong dislike for his current partner, do I have to invite him?
I've asked my mom and other family members and they are torn as well. Stating that they understand my reasons and believe them to be valid, but are unsure of what kind of drama it might cause for no invitation.

10 Comments

Latest activity by Kassandra, on March 14, 2019 at 11:37
  • Kassandra
    Newbie September 2021 British Columbia
    Kassandra ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    Wow everyone. Thank you so much!
    I know the default is to usually invite the family member, but it makes me feel better and less guilty about not wanting him there.
    Glad I have some awesome backup!
    • Reply
  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Usually I say invite anyways because they are family, they might not even go, etc... BUT I'm making an exception in this case and saying DO NOT invite this person.

    It seems clear to me that you don't want him anywhere near your wedding, he plays favourites, and doesn't usually come to family gatherings. Plus with his lifestyle, it sounds like he might try and bring multiple partners, which could turn 2 people into 8!

    I would expect some bashlash/drama with this decision but remember it is your wedding, not a family reunion like Tori said.

    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Top August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Your uncle is a no invite as simple as that due to what your situation. There is no relationship since favouritism is played towards your 2 siblings.

    His lifestyle doesn't need to show to everyone and making other family members uncomfortable. Let him be at home and enjoy his time with the rude woman as mentioned.

    • Reply
  • Robyn
    Super June 2019 Ontario
    Robyn ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    For me, this is a very simple NO - don't invite him. It's your wedding, only people you like deserve to be present.

    I have a cousin who has just lost control of his life - went through a nasty divorce, got a DUI, lost custody of his kids, lost his job - but he was a terrible human being before all that, and remains a terrible human being now (constant misogynist and racist remarks). He's definitely not invited to my wedding.

    • Reply
  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Don't invite!

    It's your wedding and you should want the people to attend to want to be there. My go to phrase is "it's my wedding, not a family reunion" which helps when people give the "but he/she's family" type of input.

    Your wedding = your way.

    • Reply
  • Erin
    Super May 2022 Ontario
    Erin ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    I have to say that if your uncle has never made an effort to make you feel included then there is no reason why you have to invite him. If chooses this event to all of a sudden be offended that he wasn't invited, it would be very selfish on his part and i am sure your family would support you amd and your decision.
    • Reply
  • Leah
    VIP April 2019 British Columbia
    Leah ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    This may be one of the easiest decisions you make in your planning process - don’t invite him. Have a grand time without him!
    • Reply
  • Chelsea
    Super June 2020 Alberta
    Chelsea ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content
    Oh my goodness don’t invite! your post didn’t include one positive comment about him! doesn’t sound like you’ll miss him the day of at all
    • Reply
  • Peggy
    Super May 2019 Alberta
    Peggy ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    Personally, I would list out all my invitees, including possible ones that may or may not say yes. Then I would move my "Must invite' to a 'Invited' list, then "Really want to invite" folks, then "If I have room, t hey can come", then "Remainder". This way you have people in the order of preference that you want them at the wedding, and you can invite the top 140 (remember to include yourselves and your wedding party in your guest list count!) IE: You don't end up with Uncle downer taking the place of Third Cousin you really get along with.

    IF you have room in your 140, and Uncle is next, then invite him. If your 140 is full, then don't.

    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
    • Dispute
    • Hide content

    You can absolutely choose not to invite this uncle! I am all for alternative lifestyles, but he really makes it obvious that he doesn't want to be a part of family things. Go with your gut and you'll make the right choice Smiley smile

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

How to Create the Perfect Wedding Invitations for Your Big Day
Invitations & Stationery How to Create the Perfect Wedding Invitations for Your Big... Don’t know where to start when it comes to your wedding invitations? We’ve made...
20 Winter Wedding Invitation Ideas You’ll Fall in Love With
Invitations & Stationery 20 Winter Wedding Invitation Ideas You’ll Fall in Love With Hosting your wedding in one of the colder months? Here are some of our favourite...
Read more articles

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire Article Topics