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Sarah
Expert July 2021 Ontario

Invitations - names

Sarah, on November 12, 2019 at 15:23 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13
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Hi guys - I’m actually not entirely sure if some of my married female friends have changed their last name or not. I already bugged everyone for their addresses now I feel like an idiot if I have to ask what name they go by too.
Should I ask? Does it matter?

13 Comments

Latest activity by Rachael, on November 18, 2019 at 14:06
  • Rachael
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Rachael ·
    • Dispute

    I agree with Sarah, though you could always opt to label invitations with first names (which is what my husband and I did since many of our friends are not married and we didn't want some invitations to have two last names. Also they get crowded when a couple is married and have children, but the husband/wife have different last names.)

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  • Sarah
    Expert July 2021 Ontario
    Sarah ·
    • Dispute
    Thank you everyone! It sounds like it’s not a big deal. I will definitely go by names used on social media. That seems to be the easiest route. I’ve put off the save the dates until today so I may not have time to confirm anything with anyone but I might clarify with a few for when we send out the invites
    • Reply
  • Maegan
    Frequent user August 2021 Ontario
    Maegan ·
    • Dispute
    Just an opinion here but as someone whos not taking their Fh's last name- I honestly wouldn't care what last name was on my invite/ placecard. I know many people will assume I took his name after our wedding and I'll have no problem being addressed by it. Both my aunts that didn't take their husbands names are the same. If you have the time and dont mind asking them go for it, but I doubt you'll offend them by addressing it as Mr and Mrs. ___
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute

    I would just ask what they prefer - they probably won't get annoyed and will appreciate that you took the time to ask. While some may be changing their names, others won't be - you won't know unless you ask.

    One of my bridesmaids got married 4 months before me, and I definitely asked her about her name preference since her name was on signs. It's not like you are asking your whole guest list what names they go by - just some of your friends.

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  • Kelly
    Expert September 2019 Manitoba
    Kelly ·
    • Dispute

    If they've changed it on social media, then use their married name. If you're not sure, just use their maiden name if you don't want to ask.

    I don't think it matters. We went to 2 weddings before ours this year, and I'm pretty sure that both brides changed their names...and I'm pretty sure I forgot to change it on our seating chart lol. Invitations were sent before their weddings. Oh well.

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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    I do get what you say about getting your friends name change for address labels. Two attempts made to ask or emailed for names and new last name from your friends is enough before making yourself going crazy.

    Address labels should be by name itself specified or Mr. & Mrs. surname/surname Family. Invitation card wise, it would be a good idea to put the number of guests indicated by you or names personalized so that modifications can be made by guests to invite other family members or allow them to write in themselves. This avoids any sticky situations of going over your guest count and questions of others being invited.

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  • Steph
    Expert June 2022 Ontario
    Steph ·
    • Dispute
    I agree, whatever you see on their social media is probably safest. Although I'd be surprised if they get offended, you're inviting them and that should be more important in itself Smiley smile
    • Reply
  • S
    Expert September 2020 Quebec
    Shannon ·
    • Dispute
    This actually happened when I sent out the save the dates. I know she is married. But I was unable to attend her wedding or even meet her husband. We live very far apart so we haven't seen each other in just over ten years.
    I decided to go by here name that I know her by. Also that was her name on Facebook. Honestly I was too embarrassed to ask.
    Ps. Still no response from her. It's only been a week.

    • Reply
  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute
    I've got to agree with everyone here. Whatever name they're using online, and if they're offended you can just show them this post as proof you tried!
    • Reply
  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
    • Dispute

    I dont think it matters. but go by their email address they use or their fb or ig account that they use!

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    I guess it depends on the person - but either way they shouldn't be offended by you sending it to their maiden name imo. I don't have my name legally changed to Tori Doll but all of my work information (other than payroll) has been changed to reflect that new name as that is what it will eventually be.

    I would agree with the FB name but for example we invited my DH's cousin to our wedding before hers so on that invite it says Jane Doe & John Smith and then for our Thank-you's she had gotten married already so on those we put Jane & John Smith to recognize that they got married and that she (most likely) took his name as it's the more common thing to do.

    Only time not to use FB as a guide is when they have their first and middle name listed but no last name... I really don't get those people...

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  • Caitlyn
    Super January 2020 Ontario
    Caitlyn ·
    • Dispute


    I also, like Kelsie, went with whatever name the person was using on Facebook.

    You could always ask people just to make sure. It wouldn't annoy me if someone once I'm married asked how I wanted to be addressed.

    • Reply
  • Kelsie
    Master July 2021 Ontario
    Kelsie ·
    • Dispute
    For me, personally, it wouldn’t matter - you could use my married name or my single name.


    I honestly went with whatever name they’re using on Facebook 😂😂
    • Reply

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