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Jenn
Frequent user April 2019 Saskatchewan

Intimate Guest List

Jenn, on February 24, 2019 at 08:27 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 12
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Hey, all! So, my partner and I have each been divorced - which means that we've each already had the typical wedding that includes 150-200 guests and late night debauchery. Now (in our mid-thirties), we plan to celebrate our commitment with a simple, but beautiful morning service and a catered lunch. This means that we have done away with the majority of the finer details, no centerpieces/DJ/alcohol and no extra guests. We wish to include only the people that we actually have relationships with. Our venue holds up to 40 chairs (they are fire-rated for 60 standing bodies total). Our guest list is 26 adults and 11 kids. Add in us, our pastor, and a photographer, and we are actually over our original plan of 35 bodies. We each come from large families, and this has not been well received. Any advice on how to nicely say things like, "The last time I saw second-cousin Shawn was 15 years ago at my first wedding." This really should be an easy concept, but some people just don't get it.

12 Comments

Latest activity by Holly, on February 25, 2019 at 20:46
  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    ***doesn't make it an issue
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  • Holly
    VIP June 2019 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    First off, congratulations!
    I agree with what Tori says and I've also used this line, "it's our wedding, not a family reunion". Unfortunately people will get upset and that is unavoidable, however you should not feel guilty for it. It's your wedding so it's your choice and they just need to respect that.
    My fiancés mother insisted on inviting all these family member she hasn't even seen in years except for at funerals. Well that made me think..is my wedding being compared to a funeral? So we out our foot down on the crazy guest list. We have 75 guest of people we have seen and keep in contact with and will add more more even if people are unable to attend the wedding.
    I hope everyone is understanding and does make it an issue for you!
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  • Jill
    Newbie August 2019 Alberta
    Jill ·
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    Smiley heart Congratulations!

    We are in the same boat...my first wedding (20+ years ago Smiley smile) was 450 people!! This time we are doing 40...that's it. I'm getting the very loving (note the sarcasm lol) guilt trips of "your 91 year old uncle keeps asking about the wedding plans, he really wants to be there."

    Be strong! Tell the truth, your venue only holds 40 people and then repeat in your head 'this is our day'.

    This is your and FH time to celebrate, enjoy each day of the planning and have a beautiful and special wedding! Smiley shame


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  • Lisa
    Expert August 2019 Alberta
    Lisa ·
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    We're in a similar situation. We're older, both been married before and will have apx 40 people total. Similar to what others have said, we just tell people it's small and intimate (we happen to be going to Canmore for our wedding - sort of a elopement with a few guests) so that helps...

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    Most helpful line that I've been using is "It's our wedding, not a family reunion". It gets the point across quite nicely IMO.

    Congrats on you engagement by the way!

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  • Diana
    Curious October 2020 Ontario
    Diana ·
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    I completely understand where you are coming from. I’m having a wedding of 16 people (18 including my FH and myself). When I get the awkward questions from family or friends if they are invited I simply tell them we are sticking to a very small ceremony. Most have been understanding and those who aren’t understanding simply aren’t close enough to me or my FH to understand why we want such an intimate ceremony. I would recommend being in honest with them about wanting to keep numbers low. I hope everything works out for the best!
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  • Jenn
    Frequent user April 2019 Saskatchewan
    Jenn ·
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    Thanks for your feedback! It's interesting how our celebration can so easily become all about our families wants. I see the appeal of having a destination wedding! Smiley winking
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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I agree with all of this!

    Some people think a wedding does function as a family reunion which I get since my family is spread out all over the continent and an event is the best way to get everyone together. At the same time, I don't get why I have to invite people I haven't seen in over a decade.

    It's hard to stand your ground, but you definitely have to to prevent your wedding turning into a giant family reunion.

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  • Alycia
    Expert March 2020 Ontario
    Alycia ·
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    It's so hard sometimes right! I can tell you know what you want, and thats important, disappointing people is always hard to do. What you and your FH want is all that matters though. So much easier said than done still, but I have a similar issue with my parents thinking every family member needs an invite even the ones that I see once a decade at a funeral or a wedding.. I don’t understand this concept myself, it’s a wedding and not a family reunion but some believe it is a place for that clearly, the shock on my parents faces when I made this comment was priceless lol

    You have the advantage of saying it’s your second wedding, we’re in our late 20s and it’ll be the first wedding in over 5 years on FH’s side and 16 years for my family.

    Stand your ground, I’m gonna try and do the same!

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  • Rachael
    Super October 2019 Ontario
    Rachael ·
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    I agree with this.

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    At the end of the day, it is what you and your FH want. Stating that you are keeping it small, intimate and close family only would be the best way to put it.
    I think regardless you are going to get some push back, some people who are very traditional won’t change their views on a big wedding with every single family member in attendance.
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  • Stephanie
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Stephanie ·
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    Honestly! I see where you come from and a small intimate gathering sounds perfect! It's about what you and you FH want and upsetting some family can happen unfortunately. I think starting it as an "Intimate Affair" should get the message across that you want to keep it small and light to celebrate!
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