i need to vent about my bridesmaids

I would say that even though they both just had babies (although 7 months ago is quite some time), they should be able to at least go online and look at them with you!

Perhaps give them tasks that they can do from home?

As for the dresses I would say to pick a colour on a website and then tell them to send you the choices they want so you can approve of them.

If you don't think it's going to work and it's not worth it then I would first express how you feel to them and see if there is any way they can have their S/O's give them a night away every couple weeks to help you?

I would go for a more flowy dress. Something that if they havnt lost baby weight or end up pregnant again you wont need to worry as much as the dress will have room in the tummy area. If they dont like the dress tell them they should have come with you then. Or gone on their own time and looked and sent pictures before buying.

Have you looked online at all? That might be a great option for you guys.

One of my girls lives in the UK, and another lives an hour out of the city and just had a baby, so getting them together wasn't really an option for me either.

Buying online worked out so well, and the dresses looked amazing. It was so easy.

We got the dresses from Lulus.

If you still want the fun day shopping, but getting to stores with babies in tow isn't realistic, maybe you can get together at somebody's house and shop together online? Make a fun day of it with lunch or coffee? You still get the quality time with your friends and involve them in the wedding planning, but make it work with their busy new mom lives? I dunno...just tossing ideas around.

Cant they just bring the babies and go shopping with you? if your comfy to cut them out of the wedding than you can but personally i would just tell them to bring the babies along

Meaghan's words are such a great perspective, and it's 100% true! Wedding etiquette across the board dictates that bridesmaids are not formally required to do anything - but the commodification of marriage in the last 50-100 years has seen the role shift with the expectation that bridesmaids are just as invested in our weddings as we are. For some, this may ring true, but for others, it just isn't.

Make sure to remember that it's not your bridesmaids' fault that they cannot participate to the level that you wish they could - or can they? The assumption that you are going dress shopping by yourself - have you asked them to come? The one who had a baby several weeks ago will likely not be able to, since her body is healing from giving birth, but the one from seven months ago might be up for it! Have you asked her? Sure, baby may be in tow, but you may still be able to make it work. You could even Skype in the other bridesmaid to show her some options! Do you have another friend you might be able to ask? "Hey, my bridesmaids both just had babies, and they can't come dress shopping with me. I really wanted to have someone with me for opinions, would you be interested?"

I disagree with those above saying that you should "set expectations with them". There are none. The expectation is that they show up and sign what they need to (if you are having anyone sign). As you are entering an exciting season of new wedding planning, they are also entering a new season of motherhood, which is incredible for them and also frustrating. Perhaps they wish that they could do more! Birth puts huge constraints on people, and they too may be wishing that they were able to partake in the festivities!

It's definitely frustrating when people can't live up to our expectations of them, but it can be equally frustrating when we ourselves know we are not going to be able to live up to the expectations we have for ourselves, and that others have for us. Try to find ways to incorporate them into your planning that will also honour their recent motherhood, knowing that their babies are their new priorities in life, and there is absolutely nothing that is going to change that. DIY at their houses. Skype them in for dress shopping. But before you scrap them from the wedding, consider how devastating that may be for them for something that is not their fault.

Although many have different expectations now, the role of bridesmaids was traditionally only ever to show up in the correct dress and on time for the wedding. The intent was to honour important people in your life, there weren't any duties outside of acting as a witness at the ceremony. The idea that the bridal party is anything more than honorific is very recent.


I say this not to diminish your feelings - it sucks when we feel let down by others- but to provide a different perspective. If you are considering just not having a bridal party anyway, why not protect those friendships instead, and have these important people stand with you as you marry and have that be their only expectation?
In terms of finding dresses, why not ask them to dress in a basic black dress? Or have them shop online? Or ask them how they would like to determine what they will wear? Worst case scenario they can wear unmatching wedding appropriate clothing and stand with you as significant people in your life. Best of luck!

I would be annoyed as well. I would talk them and if it doesn't change, either have no wedding party, or just find different bridesmaids. Ones that can fully commit and help you, because you certainly need and deserve a lot of support

I see both sides of your dilemma and you need to speak to them about your concerns about them getting dresses for your wedding since you can't go alone and get it for their fitting trying on.

The other way is that your frustration is you want things done ahead of time as your BMs are new moms and busy taking care of their kids. They need to have their time too and can arrange to go on their time for the fitting as long as it fits your timing for the day.

We had a small wedding party of 4 total 2MOHs and 2 BM (Best Man) not having to do much except for the wedding day itself. They respect you as far as being a bride for your day and they need the same respect as being a mom to their children. Everything will be ok and they will be there with you on your day.

I would be super frustrated if I were in your position.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with discussing with your bridesmaids how you are feeling and setting the expectations. How can they possibly know if you don't mention how you feel. Perhaps you may have to do something like a David's Bridal run so that they can do alterations on their own time.

If it doesn't work, I've seen weddings where is was just the bride and groom at the altar and it was super cute.

I would be frustrated as well. I couldn't go dress shopping for anyone without them being there. Is it possible if you give them some extra notice they can make a few hours to go and try on a few dresses on? If they cannot be at anything other than the wedding I don't think I would bother having a wedding party if it makes more work for you. Weddings are stressful enough if you dont have any support. Maybe make some outline for them of what you expect from wedding party? If they feel it is too much maybe give them an opportunity to back out?

I'm not having a bridal party, mostly because of our small wedding but also because of potential drama. O would have a hard time narrowing it down to 2 girls and having 20% of the guest list in the wedding party seemed silly!


Have you already asked them? If so I would just say you've decided that such a small wedding doesn't need a bridal party, and that the extra work was stressing you out. Youll still have them at the wedding, but without the frustration of finding dresses for Mama's with new bodies who don't have time to help you shop for them.