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Shelby
Curious August 2019 Alberta

i feel kind if upset about my guestlist

Shelby, on August 23, 2018 at 05:10 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 13
Hey ladies,

Figured I'd come confide in you guys to hopefully put my mind at ease. Its maybe not a big deal for many of you, I'm not really sure what to think of it. Aside from I feel like it's kind of sad.

Anyways, so I used to have alot of friends.. but I used to be in a relationship before I met my fiance where I lost all of them because he was controlling. My Fiance has always encouraged me to get out and meet ppl but I still have issues getting out there because I was so sheltered before I'm just too much of an introvert and awkward to make friends now I feel like.

I was in the middle of making my side of the guest list and I could only name 20 family members and 1 actual current friend who is my bridesmaid. Idk if its desperate to ask those I havent spoke to that were my old friends to come or not...

Any help would be welcomed. Thanks ladies.

13 Comments

Latest activity by Bianca, on September 26, 2018 at 14:04
  • Bianca
    Master August 2019 Ontario
    Bianca ·
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    I’ve totally had this feeling while making my guest list. I didn’t realize how few friends I actually had! Depending on how far out your wedding is, you could try to reconnect with these old friends and seen if it’s worth inviting them to your wedding. Friendship is a two-way street and it can’t come down on just you to reconnect.
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  • Gabbie
    Frequent user June 2019 Nova Scotia
    Gabbie ·
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    I'm the same, after I divorced, I became a bit more reclusive, and most of my friends live in a different city, so my social interactions are more over the phone than anything else, I have like two friends in the area, on my side I'm inviting about 16 family members and 4 friends and their partners, my fiancé has over 50 people on his side, so even though it will be a little lopsided, I'm so grateful for my friends that will be taking time off, and spending a lot of money in flights, hotels and visas to be with me, I really couldn't be happier. Quality over quantity.

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  • Courtney
    Super July 2018 Ontario
    Courtney ·
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    I think a lot of this is getting older, and its harder and harder to make time for friends. I find as I get older, I really have to select who I want to invest my time and energy in. I've always had a small set of friends as I moved a lot, and had a tougher time maintaining meaningful relationships.

    I did have four bridesmaids, and one of them was a girlfriend that I met through my fiance (his buddies partner) who I've become really good friends with. Other than those girls, I only had one other friend and his girlfriend that I invited to the wedding.

    It's tough, especially when your partner has a large friends group. My guy has held onto the same friends since he was 5 years old! I've become friendly with a lot of them, but at the end of the day he had like 25 friends there easily.

    Don't worry about it though - that day, you'll be SO busy you won't even notice.

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  • Candace
    VIP May 2019 Ontario
    Candace ·
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    I can relate to this. I moved 3 hours away from my hometown to live with my fiancé. After the move I fell out of touch with a lot of my friends. When we made our guest list I could only name family, coworkers and mutual friends but none that were really MY friends so I was upset.
    I told my maid of honour and she pointed out that I went through everyday life without my old friends, even though I miss them, so why would I need them on my wedding day? It really helped a bit to think of it that way. Everyone I loved and wanted there I had invited, just because “my side” was smaller didn’t mean that I was going to be any less loved on my special day. Everyone coming is going to be celebrating me AND my fiancé and that’s all we wanted.
    Hope that helps you!
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  • Shelby
    Curious August 2019 Alberta
    Shelby ·
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    You all really did help put my mind at ease! I was worried but I have to realize a lot of people do go through this. Definitely a "how have friends as an adult" book would be glorious 😂. But I have finalized my guest list with those who mean something to me and contributed to making good impacts on my life. It would make no sense to have acquaintances at my wedding unless I had the money to just throw away (which I don't) haha. Thank you all!!!!
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  • S
    Frequent user October 2019 Ontario
    Sarah ·
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    I feel your struggle. My fiancé is Italian and his family is huge vs my 20 people (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents included). I have one best friend from high school and he and his family are invited. Other than that the only friends I have invited are those who I have worked since becoming a teacher. They are mostly older than me but they are the closest friends I have.
    Its hard to make friends these days because I have yet to hear about a successful self help book for “how to make friends now that you’re an adult”!
    Its a busy world. Don’t feel bad. Really think- do you want to make new friends just to have people at your wedding? Or do you want people who know and care about you there?
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  • Angel
    Frequent user June 2019 British Columbia
    Angel ·
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    In the last few years, I have drifted apart with some friends as well. I feel quite upset about it as well but then I realize that friendship is two ways; it takes two people to keep it going. No matter how hard I try to maintain the friendship, if they are not going to put in the effort, nothing is going to happen. And if they are really your good friends, even if you don't talk for a few years, you guys will still have a great time when you do meet up again. I just met up with two friends that I haven't seen in 10 years and we had a great time catching up. I had them on Facebook and I just decided to reach out one day. Maybe that's something you can try!

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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    I 100% get it! After going to quite a few weddings in the last 2 years and seeing brides especially and the fun they have with their friends. It really makes me miss it. But in the end I know my family is amazing and my FHs family is amazing and that’s what matters most!
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  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
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    Friendships over time start to change the way we are now and how SO feels towards some others. Your SO has some part of it which i understand and has become harder because you're trying to find to reach out to others you knew. Its true that it will be much of surprise how you feel after sometime talking to them after these long years and regretting to invite them if you don't like them now.
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  • Holly
    Frequent user September 2018 Ontario
    Holly ·
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    I can fully related to this. I was in a controlling relationship for 12 years (really bad for the last 2), and lost a lot of my close high school friends. I am also an introvert and find it hard to connect with people (because, small talk damn near kills me haha), but I still have some really amazing friends who stuck by me through the hardest times in my life. And my 2 sisters are like best friends as well. I've been fortunate to bond really well with a lot of people at work and my FH's friends wives and gf's. I think in the end it's about who has always been there for you and who is important to you in your life right now. On the day you won't be worrying about who's not there, you'll be appreciating all the wonderful people who love and care about you that are there to support your special day Smiley smile

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
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    I somewhat can relate to that - I used to have at least 10 girls in my inner circle that I would talk to all the time and after high school we all drifted apart. I'm 21 now so it's been a few years but when I went to reach out to a couple of those girls I noticed how different we are now so I don't even want them at my wedding. Not to say that that is the case for all of them though because one of them that I reached out to it still a great friend and although we haven't talked in about 2 years I will still be sending her and invitation to the wedding as she was a child hood friend.

    Think of it this way; if you would be hurt by them if they weren't to invite you to their weddings then you should invite them. Otherwise, friends come and go. From where I stand I think our wedding guest list is divided where he will have roughly 85 people from my side and 165 from his side... No biggie, they will be/ are my family too now Smiley smile

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  • Shelby
    Curious August 2019 Alberta
    Shelby ·
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    Hey Casey, you definitely make a good point. It shouldn't overly matter about the amount of friends but the quality of those who you love and who love you back. Still a bit of a hard pill to swallow. I guess in some ways I just miss having those girls you can have a good time with.
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  • Casey
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Casey ·
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    I feel like I am some what in the same vote as you. My only friends right now are those that I work with. But this is because I chose to let go of all my friends as they were still very immature and I was moving on with my life and reaching my goals.
    That being said everyone invited to our wedding is family. Throughout the years I have learned that no matter what you go through in life, your family will always be there. And because of that my FH and myself are very close with our family.
    Your wedding guests should be those who love and support you and want to celebrate your big day!
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