i am on the fence with doing a intimate cermony

The thoughts and feelings for what you want to do is in the right place. Intimate wedding with witnesses seems right to have done at this time as you hold back on your bigger celebration for the full guest list to attend for next year. Its a hard decision to make though the feeling to go ahead with the wedding and not the full excitement of a Vow Renewal a year later. Your guests will make you feel happy and joyful to make that excitement happen when it comes of certainty of travel and safety being cleared up in 2022. You aren't overthinking it over and doing what's right at the time of the situation.

View quoted message Thanks Marsha, you too! Would love to hear what you end up deciding to do

I'm right there with you, I'm torn for my June wedding.... our backup right now is to have an intimate ceremony with our Parents/siblings/grandparents (if numbers allow it), and use the outdoor space that is on our venue.


We'll already have the photographer booked that day, and the guy to marry us. So that makes it easier for planning. But I still need my dress altered and David Bridals is closed during the lockdown...lol
Hoping to have a final decision by late February, because I wanted to send our invitations by March...

View quoted message I am sorry to hear about your mom. You make a good point a lot can change in 1 year. Best of luck with yours too. We will stay updated here

View quoted message Thank you, you as well!!

View quoted message Oh my goodness. You too!! It’s so tough! We will get through it together. Sending you and your family positive thoughts. Xxx

View quoted message I’m in a similar situation to you, Lauren. My mom got sick in early 2020 and is immunocompromised now. We’re supposed to be getting married in June but really not sure what to do! Like you, seeing my mom sick made me realize how much can change in a year and I want to be able to celebrate with her now but very concerned about her getting sick. Even a wedding of 50 people makes me nervous. Such a difficult decision. Best of luck with your wedding, I hope it’s everything you’re dreaming of 😊

View quoted message This is exactly what I wanted to read. I had to postpone my spring 2020 wedding and now due to get married April 2, 2021 and the pandemic is worse now then before it seems. Right now we would only be able to have a 10 person ceremony, so thinking of option C and another postponement which is crushing me this time. My dad got ill last year and still isn’t great and is immune compromised, which scares me greatly that he could get infected. I also worry for other guests if we can only do 50! I want to be married but I also now feel I don’t want to make people uncomfortable (especially my parents!). My dad would have to wear a mask the whole time which is very sad to me.


My fiancé and I are thinking get married on this years date with our parents - as we found last year things can change quickly (dad getting ill). Then next year do a “vow renewal” however we thought keeping it a surprise until the day we got married again in 2022 would be fun and keep us excited to share in 2022!
We also had 40% of our guest list coming from the U.K. so we think postponing again gives people the opportunity to use their credits they currently have as their flights have been cancelled.
I also am leaning towards this as I can buy another outfit! Haha

We had a small wedding in October and are planning our reception for our anniversary. We still got dressed up, had our photographer, and our closest friends and some of our family was there so it still felt like a wedding.


In the end it is entirely up to you. I'm very glad we had our small day for our big day 🥰

I personally wouldn’t get married, and then have a reception a year later. I know a lot of people are doing this, and it’s nothing against your plans. But my wedding day was so special and sentimental to me. I wanted the moment I say I do and our first kiss to be shared by our closest loved ones. The feeling I got during our first dance was truly magic. The entire evening was just euphoric. I don’t think I would get the same experience a year after we actually tied the knot. But again, that’s ME. I don’t want people who are doing that to get offended because it’s different for everybody.

We ended up getting legally married on our original date in August 2020 with our immediate family and bridal party (+ spouses), so ended up being about 30 people. Because of vulnerable guests, we ended up just doing cupcakes and a champagne toast, and then my husband and I went out for a nice dinner, and drank wine and did our first dance in our living room at the end of the night. We postponed our reception and planned to do a vow renewal for our 1 year anniversary (although we are strongly considering postponing that again to 2022 for our 2 year anniversary now).


For our ceremony, I got a much simpler dress. We originally planned to write our own vows but for some reason it was more daunting to me to say them in front of less people, so we will save that for our vow renewal to make it more special.

I had a lot of the same concerns as you. My husband suggested legally getting married on our original date as it was already our dating anniversary and had meaning to us. Like you, I thought people might think it’s weird to have another ceremony if we were already technically married. But I spoke to a few friends and all of them were super supportive and didn’t think it was weird (especially because of Covid).
I also wasn’t sure if we’d tell people or if I should change my name and wear rings in between. We were too excited though and I changed my last name on Facebook that night lol. Our son starts school next year and I really wanted us to have the same last name, so that was one reason for that. We wear our rings too. At the end of the day, anything goes when it comes to a Covid wedding, and I’ve generally found people will be super supportive no matter what you decide.
I agree that you and your fiancé will figure out what’s best for you, but it’s always helpful to talk things out with people who have been there!
I had lots of concerns ahead of time, so feel free to message me with any questions 🙂

This post is going to be long so I apologize in advance. Like other comments on this post, choosing to postpone is entirely up to the BOTH of you. I completely understand where you're coming from when you say you want the bridal moment and the jitters/butterflies/excitement. I understand wanting to have the ceremony and reception on the same day. Being a bride happens once. It's a day to enjoy the morning with your bridal party getting hair and makeup done, sipping mimosas (if you're into that), getting pampered. You make memories when you get into your gown and see your friends' reactions. The excitement when the groom sees you in your dress and you take his breath away... i'm sure your FH can understand that. It's sweet that he wants you to be his wife sooner rather than later, but you shouldn't have to compromise those feelings.


If you still want to do it this year, may I suggest:1) deciding on a cut off guest count (we're willing to cut a 3rd of our guests (50 people, for a total of 100 people present). I know this is hard and you want to avoid offending anyone but as harsh as it is, if they can't understand a pandemic then they shouldn't be at your wedding. 2) set up a ZOOM meeting or Facebook live for the ceremony and let people join in remotely or share the video on Facebook/email, etc. after.3) if your budget allows, plan for a party next year (not full reception). Rent a hall, hire a DJ or close friend for a couple hours for music, have a bar available for guests, maybe have a dessert table or something. This way you can still have your wedding with all the feels, immediate family and bridal party and still celebrate with everyone at a later date. Pro tip: when looking at your guest list, consider cutting dates for anyone who isn't in a long-term serious relationship (living together, married or engaged). This can apply to cousins, friends, colleagues, aunts, uncles, siblings and parents if it applies. Colleagues: if you don't hang out with them outside of work, eliminate. Eliminate anyone who doesn't know you or your partner's name, anyone who you've only met once or twice (where they live could be an exception) second and 3rd cousins you aren't close to. Even though we aren't sure about numbers at this point, we will likely, for the safety of our guests, cut out anyone who requires international travel.
If you can't bare to cut people and want all the feels, postpone. You have the rest of your lives to be together! Hope this helps and best of luck with your decision!

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If I were a guest I wouldn't care whether the ceremony was the actual ceremony or if it was a re-enactment, especially given the circumstances, so I don't think it's necessary to keep it a secret. I also think it might be weirder to be married for a year and not wear your wedding bands or tell anyone or have to keep referring to your partner as your fiancé instead of husband. I guess if you call them your partner it might not be weird but keeping the whole thing under wraps might be a lot harder than you think especially because you'll be excited to be married.

But if someone did keep it a secret and I found out later I don't think I'd be hurt. I might be a bit confused as to why it was a secret but not upset about it or anything.

Basically I think you and your partner should decide what you want to do and not worry so much about other people's opinions. People understand that 2020 and 2021 weddings have to be different and people need to make different decisions that work for them and their lives.

Edit: I also wanted to add what I think about wearing your dress for a smaller covid ceremony. We had 10 people there in total, including us. We both wore our full wedding outfits and we plan to wear them again for our reception. How many people get the opportunity to wear their wedding dress twice!? I think it's a great silver lining and when you get dressed up for the postponed reception (if that's what you choose to do) you can remember how great your ceremony a year before was. Depending how things are in August (hopefully much better than right now) you can also still take wedding photos with your partner to remember that special day.

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I really like Christiana's suggestion of showing a video of the ceremony at the postponed reception so it doesn't feel like you're recreating another ceremony for the sake of letting people see you "do it live." I can see how some would feel weirded out by watching a reenactment as it would feel inauthentic (especially if you recreate the "do you take him as your husband" parts) but at the same time, knowing what the past year was like, it wouldn't even register as anything that out there. And vow renewals would totally be in-line if as a guest I knew you were married and would feel as special as the wedding itself.

As for your dress, if you choose to do two events, it gives you an excuse to wear it more than once. Even if I can only have five people at my ceremony, I'm wearing my tuxedo rather than a plain suit. If I need to postpone my reception, I'm definitely wearing my tuxedo then (unless we opt to go low key and have brunch or something). There are so little opportunities to wear these clothes and they're expensive! I'm taking any excuse to wear it lol.

And yes, currently you're only allowed the necessary people needed to be wed (couple + 2 witnesses + officiant) if you choose to use the City Hall Wedding Chamber. Everyone except the couple must be masked at all times. But that could change in August.

I am in the same boat as you. I am torn for the same reasons as well.

View quoted message My hope is that they never find out 😂 but if they do I think they will understand why we did it, it's keeps the magic for everyone that way and given this pandemic I hope no one would be mad. We did standard vows and are thinking of writing our own for the second ceremony so that will keep it special for us. I did not wear my wedding dress I rented a white casual dress which I loved, we are wearing our rings we have only seen family that wasn't invited once and we took them off for that day trip, so we will be exchanging rings again also our officiant is the same and is in of the secret so will have fake papers for us to be signing at our second ceremony so it looks as legit as possible (apparently more common than I thought as he told me he has done this before). Hopefully I answered all your questions feel free to ask more if I didn't. We loved doing it this way and the ones invited totally understood.

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Oooo Kailey congrats! and thank you for sharing your story. This is exactly what was one of my options i had in mind and he is open to doing it this way. But do you think people will be offended if they ever found out years later? when you say vows a second time do you think it will still feel as special? would you be wearing a different dress? I know if we do the ceremony this year be it outside or at city hall, i def would not want to invite many, (harder to keep it a secret) are you wearing your rings and will you be exchanging rings again next year. ?)

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Thank you for your reply, for taking the time. Yes def it is a very personal decision and ultimately my fiance and i will have to figure this out. But reading the responses is definitely helping me along the way. What is most important to me is being married to my boo of course but it is also very important to do it in front of my family and friends. You make a good point that we don't have to do another ceremony in 2022 another person said the same thing. But for me am such an all or nothing, if i end up doing the full ceremony this year with 50 - 100 guests outdoors i know planning a reception for the following year without a wedding ceremony will be odd, also having a ceremony with no reception for me will be odd. I am considering the option you mentioned that making next years ceremony a reflection of our love and our year and what we promise to continue to do, and this year we get wed with just the main fam. Another option that crossed my mind, What if I make it very basic, go to city hall (where i never wanted to associate myself with) but sign the papers wear a nice dress and then do a nice dinner after, not tell anyone but the witness and my kids will know. Then 2022 do the wedding as planned (hopefully it looks brighter) thoughts?

In your opinion if you were a guest and went to the wedding knowing they are already married would it be odd? or if your friend got married and did not tell you and made you believe the 2nd wedding is the first and you found out years later would you be hurt?

Because am also thinking if we do go to city hall we will keep that to ourselves

View quoted message Nice to read your post and see your side to this decision. What is tough for me is how I am wired. I am a one and done kinda girl. So if we have an outdoor ceremony with let's say family and bridal party (which is only 6- 3&3) then I may feel odd doing a ceremony all over again 2020. I wouldn't want to just have my guest come for a reception in 2022 especially since I have my dress and it's too much for just a 10 guest wedding lol this year. But talking this out on here I know will help eventually. I appreciate u taking time to reply and help. BTW are u only allowed 2 people at a city hall ceremony?

This is a very personal choice and I know you will ultimately choose the right one for you and your fiancee.


I had to postpone our wedding for July 18 2020 due to the pandemic, we have been together for 12 years and have a house and son together we never thought to actually have a wedding until the end of 2019.With that being said we postponed called everyone and than decided we wanted to still do 3 weeks before our date. The restrictions in my area in the summer allowed our parents, siblings and my two non family bridesmaids to be present including our officiant and photographer. We told no one else about this ceremony. It was special fun and stress free (we used our backyard and decorated minimally) Since no one knows about this we are doing the ceremony as if we didn't get married (our families have waited a long time and were very excited to celebrate with us) so are so happy we got married as planned but are also so excited to have a "real" wedding when we can with some of the traditional things we didn't do in the summer (father-daughter mother-son dances and having our wedding parties standing with us) we feel it will be special because the feeling of family so excited for us but also takes the pressure off the event (for me as the thought of standing up at the front saying vows was so scary but now I've done it and it doesn't matter what happens 😂) I can't wait to enjoy it with family but happy we made the choice we did to be married when we wanted. The people in attendance have kept there promise and told no one and no pictures were shared with anyone outside thoses in attendance.
Do whatever you guys feel is the best choice for you and you will be happy with it and that's all that matters

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I get his concerns about endangering guests. They're legitimate and likely a number of your guests will probably have the same thoughts on wanting to celebrate with you but fear for their safety as well. This is exactly why we're choosing to postpone a reception if mass vaccinations are not in place, even if the government allows it. This past year has shown us that what the government allows is a joke and at least he has the sense to recognize it (and I hate to say it but having spent almost a year on wedding forums here and on other social media, a lot of people don't).

I know you want your full guest list but would you be willing to compromise by having just immediately family and bridal party for the ceremony, and then having the full 180 for the reception next year? That way, it's more than just the two witnesses that's allowed at City Hall. And would he be comfortable if you as a couple enforce the masking and physical distancing between guests at an outdoor ceremony?

View quoted message Ok so the reason why we wouldn't go ahead this year at the venue is because of the covid and he wouldn't feel comfortable if a guest contracts covid and blames our wedding date. That is actually something I didn't think about but he is strong on that concern. I am ok with 1 postponement and hoping and praying 2022 is a bit better. Also we have a guest list of 180. To knock that down to 50 or even 100 is so not doable since everyone on this list is very important to us.


His reason to do it this year was he likes the date Aug 1st as it was our original date when we got engaged. He would like to not postpone making me his wife.
See why am torn ugh

Hey Marsha, what's your venue? Can you have a not-so-intimate ceremony in August at your venue, potentially outside where it's safer? That way you get the same jitters as a traditional bride while still satisfying your fiance's request to get married this year. You paid the deposit for the venue already anyway, might as well use it if it's allowed.

It sounds like you're not opposed to being married this year nor are you in a rush and therefore can wait until next year. Is there a particular reason that you're fiance wants to get married this year vs the next? Perhaps his reasoning can greatly influence your decision.

For what it's worth, I know several people who eloped (well before covid) and didn't tell anyone until the actual ceremony day.

I think it's a very personal decision and what you choose to do will depend on what is most important to you and your partner.

I know that for me and my husband getting married was the most important thing to us and we didn't want to postpone the ceremony. We aren't planning to do any sort of vow renewal when we have our reception, but I don't think it would feel the same even if we did. Even though 90% of our guests, including my immediate family couldn't be there, our ceremony felt very special. I can't imagine it would have felt any different had everyone been there. At the end of the day our ceremony was just about us and I think it would have felt the same whether there were 100 or 10 or 5 people there.

If having your friends and family present is more important than getting married on your original wedding date then I would probably lean more to postponing everything.

Keep in mind that there's no reason why you need to do a renewal if you postpone just your reception. You could always film the ceremony and play that for your guests instead. That way might feel less like you're putting on a show for your guests. Or you could sort of change up your renewal and make it more of a reflection on your first year of marriage and make it more personal to the two of you instead of just copying what you did at your ceremony. I still don't think it will feel the same as your ceremony but it will at least have a different meaning and can be special in its own way.