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Evelyn
Curious October 2023 Manitoba

How to inform guests that small children are not welcome?

Evelyn, on December 2, 2019 at 21:48 Posted in Plan a wedding 0 12
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We have a strict limit of 75 people maximum for our wedding due to our budget. Because of this we're limiting who are and aren't inviting- including the minimum age for the guests.


Now Randee has two nephews and a niece, the youngest of which will be nine years old when we have the wedding. While we aren't opposed to inviting immediate family children (nieces and nephews), I'm concerned because my cousins have lots of children and most will be only three years old when the wedding takes place.


I've tried to bring this up with my mother for her opinion since she's on good terms with both sides of the family, but she said "it's [my] own fault for marrying late in life while [my cousins] went ahead and got theirs started".


Am I being insensitive to my family for not wanting them to bring their kids who have no idea who I even am? At the same time, how do we excuse this while approving kids of friends who are like nieces and nephews to us?


HELP!

12 Comments

Latest activity by Allison, on December 4, 2019 at 15:25
  • Allison
    Curious June 2021 Ontario
    Allison ·
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    I don't think it's insensitive at all! It's your wedding and if you don't want kids there then that's that!

    I've seen people write "Adult reception to follow" on their invitations after they mention the ceremony time and location. Then you can reach out to whoever you are allowing to bring kids separately!

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  • Tori
    Top October 2019 Manitoba
    Tori ·
    • Dispute

    Not insensitive at all!! I hope your Mom was merely poking fun at it because in no way are you or should you feel obligated to invite their kids.

    Heck, I had a kid free wedding all together!!!

    On the other side of what your Mom said about getting married later in life compared to your cousin's - it's not your fault they decided to have so many kids already!

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  • Alexandra
    Frequent user February 2022 Quebec
    Alexandra ·
    • Dispute
    I’m so sorry your mom said that! We are having a mostly kid free wedding - the only person under 18 is my FH’s cousin, and that is because she is his only cousin on his mom’s side and they are quite close. She is 13, and is one of my bridesmaids, so hopefully that will stop the complaining.
    We wrote about not having kids in the FAQ on our website, and will also be addressing invites specifically by name and will have on the invite we have reserved X seats in your honour to make it clear.
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  • Liga
    Devoted June 2021 Quebec
    Liga ·
    • Dispute

    Maybe add on invitation 16 + or 18 +

    Or...Adults only or Children free evening Smiley smile

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  • Evelyn
    Curious October 2023 Manitoba
    Evelyn ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Thanks Vinod.

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  • Evelyn
    Curious October 2023 Manitoba
    Evelyn ·
    • Dispute
    View quoted message

    Thanks Amelia. That's great advice




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  • Ashley
    VIP August 2020 Ontario
    Ashley ·
    • Dispute

    Wow thats very rude of your mom to say! but either way you have to keep the wedding to no kids for everyone cuz if you start picking and choosing which kids you invite people will be pissed. my friend did a no kids wedding and then she started picking kids to come and then both the bride and groom got yelled at by random family members on their wedding day so be careful

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  • Allison
    Master October 2019 Ontario
    Allison ·
    • Dispute

    Lots of people have kid-free or relatively kid-free weddings. I had a similar situation where my DH has a niece and nephew (6 and 1 1/2 years old) but we also have cousins who have lots of younger kids we didn't want to invite.

    We planned out our guest list based on closeness - aunts, uncles, and cousins were invited, but cousin's kids weren't. Our niece and nephew were in the wedding, so it excused them.

    That being said, you don't need an excuse to not invite cousin's kids - it's your wedding!

    I actually can't believe your mom said that to you! Lots of people marry later in life and lots of people have kid-free weddings.

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  • Geneviève
    VIP September 2020 Ontario
    Geneviève ·
    • Dispute
    Wow, that’s a horrible thing to say to your own daughter. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.
    You can absolutely ask for a kid-free day. Lots of people do, us included. We put an FAQ section on our wedding website to state the rules, so to speak, and we are explicitly writing names on the RSVP cards and invitations so people are very aware of who is invited and who isn’t.
    I’ve been very open with all of our family/friends about budget restrictions and venue size from the beginning to avoid assumptions. Sadly, people assume anyway, so dealing with it before it becomes a big issue is the best way to handle guest woes
    • Reply
  • Vinod
    Featured August 2017 Ontario
    Vinod ·
    • Dispute

    Your moms point of view is invalid and insensitive due to her lack of judgement towards you. No one is ever too late in their life to get married. I did and so will my friends too saying from experience.

    Indicating Adults Evening Event Only on the invitation makes it easy to understand that no children are invited to your wedding. Another indication is Amelia's point of putting the family name or individuals name invited and put the number of guests/names yourself so no one can write or add more than needed. Your limit and budget is important to keep as to the max as possible. Answer to guests wanting to bringing more guests or their children is no space possible as its full.

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  • Amelia
    Master October 2020 New Brunswick
    Amelia ·
    • Dispute
    It's not insensitive at all! Weddings are expensive, and kids catering is pricey for food they likely won't eat.


    A lot of brides on here have had the same struggle. Quite a few put things like "we'd like to celebrate without little eyes and ears so this will be an adults only event". Your guest list is small, if every family brought only one child that list would grow exponentially!
    If you want some kids I would address the invites specifically for those families like "Bill and Kate and Lilly Smith" or "the Smith family". Or on RSVPs say "we have reserved x number of seats in your name" so it's clear they have enough for their spouses or enough for the kids. If people whose children are not invited ask use the guest list/venue size excuse because if you cave and let one of them bring their toddler there will be more expecting to bring theirs too.
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  • Rayanne
    Featured June 2022 Ontario
    Rayanne ·
    • Dispute
    You can have a no children wedding (no matter when in your life you choose to have it). That is a your choice. It's your wedding. I am actually dumbfounded by the insensitivity of the statement from your mom. Personally when it comes to kids I think there should be an age cut off or some rule. Either immediate family only or kids over 9 something that doesn't make a parent feel like their kid isn't welcome but everyone else's are. Personally I don't enjoy bringing kids to weddings. Hopefully the parents will see it for a night out alone. Good luck.
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