How to have a small wedding but come from a big close-knit family?

Alternative choice to you list can be elopement with family members and close friends only to avoid the whole family drama. Have a celebration next year which will be more of a party and less attention to you both. This way its a win win situation of you having the wedding of your dreams and the guest list to work next year for a celebration of your anniversary.

I know this isn't one of the options you've listed, but have you considered eloping or inviting immediate family only?

Congratulations, Corynn!

Kelcie and Melanie pretty much hit the marks. If I were you, I would use covid to mitigate the backlash of not inviting family. Considering how royally screwed a lot of people have been because of covid, it would be nice to see someone make something positive out of it.

If you're open to this, have it during late 2020 so that you're forced indoors and therefore must be kept at 50 people instead of 100. Keep 6-8 people as buffer for yourselves and your vendors as they count towards the 50 people gathering limit (1 officiant, 2-3 decorator/people setting up and tearing down decor, 1-2 photographers). Divide the number of remaining guests evenly between you and your FH (21-22) and invite based on that number. If he wants to only invite friends + immediately family, he can do so as long as it's within the 21-22 person quota he's given. Same goes for you, if you choose only family and no friends or vice versa.

I would also forego a typical wedding reception and do standing cocktails to further avoid having you two be the centre of attention. Standing cocktails force people to interact and engage with one another and you two could just bounce around chatting up each attendee as opposed to being the focus the whole evening. It's also way cheaper than a sit down dinner. You can also avoid paying for a DJ.

Morning weddings will make it much more affordable. Evenings are prime for venues but if you have your ceremony at 11am, some photos at 11:30am, and then cocktail reception as a lunch, they'll likely kick you out by 2pm so that the venue can flip the space for an evening rental.

If you're willing to do this on the outer edges of the GTA, it'll be even less expensive. Think Aurora or Ajax, both close enough to Toronto that people can easily make the drive or take GO transit, but far enough that they won't be charging high-demand Toronto prices.

Good luck!

I agree with the other poster--go with the smaller wedding as this seems to fit with you and your fiancé the best. I also have a large family (his is very small and half lives across the country so many will not be able to come) so I had to get quite aggressive with my guest list to fit into our ideal 100-125 guest number. If anyone asks I am telling them that our venue simply cannot accommodate such large numbers (it would easily be 350+ if I invited everyone). I even picked and chose cousins as I am much closer to some than others. At the end of the day it's YOUR wedding and you should do what is best for you. People will complain either way.

I also actually think that covid-19 is working in your favour here. Many of us 2021 brides are stressing about when to send invitations etc because everything is so uncertain. You can always use that as an excuse too!

ETA: One other thing that may help is if your family has a lot of children to only invite adults. That is another way I am cutting numbers.

Hi Corynn,

First and most importantly, congratulations on your engagement!! I hope the guest list stress isn't tainting the experience too much. It's crazy how crafting a wedding guest list can quickly become so political.

Based on what you've told us, I would choose option #1 and keep it as intimate as possible. Here are my reasons (in no particular order):

- You say that you and your fiance weren't super into the idea of a wedding to begin with. You should not feel obligated to save for two years only to invest all of that money into a big event that you didn't really care to throw in the first place, simply to appease family. I'm all for spending money on a big wedding if it's important to the couple, something they've dreamed of, etc. But if you would prefer to spend two years' worth of savings on travel, a lasting asset like a car or a home, paying off debt, etc. that's enough justification to forego a big wedding right there.

- In addition to being more expensive, large weddings are necessarily more challenging to plan. You have more moving parts, more people to keep track of and accommodate, etc. Some of us on WW thrive on this! But it's not everyone's cup of tea, and before taking this on it is definitely worth considering whether a stressful planning process could exacerbate any mental health issues.

- You say your and your fiance are introverted and don't like being the centre of attention. Some degree of attention is inescapable at a wedding of any size. But a larger wedding means more attention, more sets of eyes, more people to greet and interact with, etc. Really think about how you will feel with 160, or even 100, sets of eyes on you and your fiance--not only as you say your vows and share an incredibly emotional exchange, but throughout the entire event. If that idea makes you anxious or uncomfortable in any way, I would listen to your gut and keep it small. It's your wedding day, and you should create an atmosphere where you and your fiance will be able to relax and enjoy yourselves.

- As between the 100-person guest list and the 50-person guest list, I would go for 50. I appreciate that excluding family is not something you take lightly and I think that's commendable. I actually think family members who don't make the cut would be less sour about being excluded from a 50-person wedding than a 100-person wedding. 100 people is actually a pretty big party--and family members who aren't invited may be bitter and press you about why you couldn't accommodate "just a couple more".

Anyway, I hope that helps!! At the end of the day, you need to make the decision that feels right to the two of you. Best of luck.