How much to expect from the wedding party

I like the idea of the bride who started a fb page for their group. Just like a potluck where you put a list of dishes down and ask people to sign up, maybe put a few things out there. "Hey guys, we're getting really excited about xxx but need some help with x by this date, y on day of, z the following morning etc. . So talented friends, let us know which one of these things you can help with, many hands make light work and we really appreciate you coming out to support us!" Make it pubic to the group and interactive.

You will know quickly 1. what they expect from themselves 2. where the gaps are. Versus asking someone specifically to do something and them begrudgingly accepting bc they feel they have to, if they pick themselves what they are able and willing to commit to you may see less bailing. Plus the rest of the party quickly sees who is doing stuff and that they aren't and may step up (either by finally contributing or the worker-bees taking on more). Knowing where they are at in their heads as far as what they feel is expected of them, will help you approach any difficult discussion with them in a productive cooperative manner. You need to align your expectations to be successful (in your marriage, at work, and life in general), but people will never be as excited about your wedding as you are, and just need some gentle guidance. If this doesn't work, just go full bridezilla (jk LOL)

I kinda learned too that our wedding party are only in it to participate the day of. It seems nearly impossible to get them to agree to meet with us to talk details. The groomsmen always cancel on my FH when he tried to make plans to get their suits and stuff. Our wedding party still hasn't officially met and we've tried to get them all together but none seem too want to be involved in any way.

So we're doing everything ourselves it seems, unless they offer then we'll accept help - otherwise I guess we'll see them the day of.

I totally understand your frustration. I think I agree with whoever said that ask your family members to help. I'm sure your parents, siblings and even cousins would be more excited to help.

Good luck!

From most posts i have read, no wedding party seems involved in the planning, yet themselves only. Just get the ones wanting to help and others let them be.

My wedding party except for one did do all i asked plus more. MOHs put a buck & buck together for us 2 1/2 months beforehand. My Best Man came out every sunday 2 months to come to practises for the reception entrance.

View quoted message Maybe you can reach out to people other than your wedding party for help. We did that for ours. We had other family members and friends help us with a lot of things.

My wedding is less than 90 days away and nobody has really done anything. People are busy with their own lives. Yeah its a happy time for us but not everyone

View quoted message I feel we definitely made the stag and doe expectations clear from the day we decided to do them and most other things we definitely ask atleast a month in advanced. Sometimes it's hard to know what we need help with. Maybe expectation was the wrong word were not really expecting all these things from them I mean we really haven't asked anything from them . I guess just because we haven't asked alot of them we figured the one time we did with notice of 4 weeks before we figured they would be able to help. We just didn't know we would have to do all this work when we first asked everyone. But my MIL is the one with the expectations I think and because she is the one expecting us and our wedding party to help we aren't thinking about it in another way because the pressure is coming from her directly to us to have e everyone help us

View quoted message I agree with Stephanie on this matter. I think if you expect something from someone then you need to make it clear and not just assume that they know you are expecting it of them.
I didn't ask our wedding party for anything until a few days before the wedding. Some of them brought some things for us and then helped set up but that was it. I know if we had asked them to specifically do things then they probably would have if they had been able to but we didn't.
Make sure everyone is clear on the expectations so that you don't get disappointed.

We haven't had help at all from our wedding party, other than my MOH just using her cricket to put names on glasses for the party. We honestly regret asking anybody to be in the party because we had no help at all. I have asked for help a few times but always get the run around. One of my bridesmaids still doesn't have shoes purchased... and my wedding is on Saturday.

I think it really depends on your individual situation. For me, I live very far away from all my bridesmaids and none of them live where the wedding is happening so there's only so much they can do to help. I mainly just rely on them for help making design decisions which I then execute- I knew this was the case going in.

If you're needing more help from your bridesmaids just talk to them! Maybe they don't understand what is expected of them in this role.

We are having similar problems. We have 2 groomsmen, my MOH and a bridesmaid helping out a bunch but other than that our wedding party isn't supremely helpful. We haven't asked anything big of them yet, just like help planning games for the stag and doe, maybe donating a prize for it. We asked them to give us availability for dress/suit shopping, decoration ideas for certain things..
People always make it look so much fun planning weddings, I find it's been more stress than fun a lot of the time
Just talk to them and say that you really need their help with this rather large part of the wedding process and be honest that you feel that you haven't asked too much of them but you do expect them to help out

Honestly, speak up and ask them for help. 90% of the time it’s just people not understanding they’re expected to help. Some people need the help, some people don’t. I personally don’t need anything from my bridesmaids except the bachelorette planned. (Probably a good thing since 3/6 of my bridesmaids aren’t even adults, one lives four hours away now, and one is a little flaky, leaving me with one bridesmaid I could count on to help out)

I think it’s totally fine to expect, but I also think in these times it makes sense to clearly lay out the expectations.

I’ve been a MOH twice and a BM twice. As MOH, I was heavily involved for one bestie and minimially involved with another bc of how they planned/expected things.

As BM, I just had to show up.

It’s a shame when members of a wedding party don’t step up but these days sometimes the wedding party is just expected to show up and help out on the day of.

In all honesty... I don't think you should automatically EXPECT them to do anything. When you need them to help with thongs just make it very clear to them that these are the expectations you do have and hope they can assist. Don't leave things for them to pick up or offer a lot of people get nervous trying to step in on someone else's wedding and are usually waiting to be asked! I haven't asked my team to do much except he at my dress shopping trip and my bachelorette (which I booked but told them what we do at the resort is up to them!)

The wedding party is there to help you with whatever you need. However, I do think its important to consider the commitment (either time or money) you're asking and their own individual situations.

I'm barely asking anything from ours... the Guys literally haven't had to do anything as of yet except go get suits or attend the bachelor party (my FH is paying his own portion). Only thing they'll have to do day of is help seat guests.

The girls are similar, had to get their dress, had to attend the bachelorette (i paid my own portion). Day of they just have to walk down the aisle.

I know our friends are not the best planners and are all spread out, and fairly busy. Myself and my FH are the planners in our group, so I sort of expected and am okay with the commitment level.

It's definitely your right to expect more of them. When accepting the role there is an understanding that they are their for the bride and/or groom for certain responsibilities. Unfortunately there are times when you have to have that uncomfortable talk about if they are willing to fully be apart of the role or of they are just in it for the title and act of standing. My fiance has a few of those unfortunately, and I currently have one who seems to be falling into that too! With us living so far away we depend on our wedding party so much!
My best advice for you as maybe adding them all to a Facebook group (that's what we did) and kind of outlining the expectations, in the least pushy way possible. Or talking to those who need it most face to face or just individually through text or something. You definitely don't want to look back when it's too late and think, "ugh, I should have kicked them out of my wedding party!", Especially if you didn't say anything to encourage them.
Good luck! I hope you can get some help out of them ❤️

Lol...my mom said it best...Bride's MAID.

They are expected to help you. You didn't ask them just to show up and wear the clothes you picked out for them. There's actual work involved. Maybe you and your fiancee should chat with your respective parties and say "Hey, we don't expect you to drop everything for us, but there is an expectation that comes with you agreeing to stand up with us, and that's for you to help and be involved with the planning."

Basically the rule is, if you can't commit the time, then maybe you shouldn't agree to be in the wedding party.

I believe the point of a bridal party, is a close group of friends/family members who are agreeing to be your right hands for the wedding... in its entirety... You are not out of line, or being pushy, to ask for their help. If they are unable to, forcing them may be pushing it, but simply being lazy or unwilling goes against being a part of your bridal party.

Perhaps reach out to them and let them know in a clear, decisive manor, what you want their help with during the next 3 months. If you were unclear as to what you expected from them before, that could add to the lack of assistance.

If you have reached out, with no response, I would consider letting them know how you feel, as constructively as possible. You deserve their support if they want to be part of your big day, but you can't expect them to do something they weren't aware they should.