How do you get started when you feel so overwhelmed?

Omg i love this whole wedding planning process its been SOO fun for me!! but dont get over whelmed! you have a rough guest list so contact venues that you like and make apts to visit them, then book your officiant for your ceremony. take it one step at a time

View quoted message That’s a great starting point. Once you get a couple things figured out, it’ll all start falling in line.
As for nosy family and friends, when we dealt with invasive people, as awkward as it can sound, we gave vague and evasive answers and eventually people stopped harassing. It was a way that we got some air to figure out what we wanted. The good thing is usually people will then turn to your parents or someone else for answers so they probably stop bothering you.

Getting engaged is super overwhelming! Luckily, for us, we had actually chosen a date before we were even engaged and had pre booked our venue as we didn’t want to lose our date.


Between all the questions from friends and family and all of the big decision making that has to be done the planning can become super tiring.
Definitely sit down with your FH and discuss guest count and budget. The more people you have, obviously the bigger the budget. If your FH wants a traditional wedding will his family be chipping in to help pay? These are things you’ll want to discuss beforehand.
Once you have those things decided, start thinking of the type of venue you want and location and start looking! Think of if you want an all inclusive venue that includes everything or if you want a venue where you can cater everything - you’ll need to look into caterers and bartenders.
The bridal show in Toronto is ok - I found it overwhelming (I don’t like crowds). But I found my limo company there and got a pretty good deal! So I think it’s worth it to check it out for ideas.

View quoted message You said it! I was totally unprepared for all the pressure and questions coming in right after the engagement. I thought you get engaged and it's all happiness and excitement and that's it, but that's not how it is at all. The questions are immediate and never-ending and all your friends and family start telling you where they wanna go for your wedding or how they think you should do it or where they think the bachelorette party should be, or how this place they love would be a perfect venue for you, and etc. It's super overwhelming and fills my head with other people's ideas to the point I don't even know what my own ideas are anymore.


We were talking about going to the bridal show downtown next weekend to try and figure out what our own ideas are. And get an idea of what costs look like so we can establish the budget. I think that's my first step for now.

The beginning can be scary to look at the guest list to start. Eventually you will face your fears of the planning. Go slow and follow the WW Checklist to see what you want to accomplish and what you don't need, leave alone. Colours and décor will come upon your choice of venue. One day at a time and budget is always a good way to stick to your numbers too.

As for bridesmaids/Groomsmen, MOH & BM (Best Man), you can choose to go either way of paying for the dresses, suit rentals or hair/make-up for the ladies and gifts for the men. You can choose not to do neither if the budget doesn't fit your means.

View quoted message Reading your msg really got to me! Makes me realize that maybe I'm not too excited about doing the traditional wedding. I feel exactly like you said, I just want to be married already! I don't even really care about the wedding but my SO is Italian and I know he wants the big traditional wedding. I would just elope but then he'd want to bring so many people it would get ridiculous, it won't even be eloping anymore. I considered destination but he said if we do that he still has to do a full reception for the big family after we get back and that seems like I'm doing 2 weddings instead of just the 1. I wish there were other options to consider but he's pretty set on having his whole family involved.

View quoted message I can definitely see how that can be overwhelming! I have Italian friends and I've been to a wedding or two. Luckily everyone that usually goes are there out of love and are eager to help make your day the best.

View quoted message Right now it seems like it'll be 150-200 people, I think he wants the big traditional Italian wedding and that just seems so expensive and overwhelming to plan. My only family/friends in this country is 24 people so I never really thought I'd have to do this whole big thing. I think you're right about setting the budget as a starting point.

View quoted message Thanks for this comment, helps knowing other people go through the same thing. I like your idea about setting dates to make decisions.


And yes this community seems amazing! I don't have any girlfriends I can ask wedding questions to so this place already feels like a lifesaver.

That is the one downside of the initial engagement stage, and while our families and friends don’t mean to, their questions do put pressure on us. The good thing is you still have time.
Try not to tackle everything all at once. Take a breather and go after it when you feel ready.
Talk to your so about the vision you both like. If you don’t have one, look at typical wedding styles as their archetypes (fancy, boho, rustic, etc or a cross between two, or a theme that unites you two) and see what you vibe with. You can narrow down colours and details once you’re comfortable with your vision.Once you have decided on a general theme, then you can map out your budget. The good thing is the budget will dictate what you can and can’t do and help you narrow your options down. Weirdly enough, I found my budget to be a way that grounded me when there seemed to be too much going on!We’re all here for you, so bounce ideas and questions off all of us!

I think you are overthinking this. Figure out one step at a time. Do you know how much you are willing to spend? I think that is the biggest hurdle. Once you have a budget of some kind it is easier to figure out what you want. If you have a smaller budget January is a good month for a wedding. How many guests do you want?

I had a moment like that right after we booked our photographer. All of a sudden it was real and I couldn't get that money back and it felt like an avalanche coming down behind me. I sat on our kitchen floor (the kitchen I've been dreaming of renovating but put off for the wedding) and sobbed that maybe we should elope.
I took the time to talk with my fiance. He and I discussed what we wanted and didn't want for our wedding and from there we could make some of the bigger decisions. We still have all the small ones left, but that is an issue for tomorrow!
I would have a conversation and figure out if either of you have any pieces of a dream that you can stitch together. This might help with the destination part, or how big or small an event you need to tackle. Make reasonable goals like "by the x date we will decide on a location" or "this week we will hunt for photographers/honeymoon resorts etc".And know that we are alw here for you! I've never "met" a group of such supportive strangers before!

There are lots of ways to get married. Perhaps the more traditional wedding just isn't for you.
We eloped with immediate family only. I didn't want the expense, time, or fuss of a traditional wedding and really just wanted to be married already.
Maybe now is a time to just try and sit with different options for a bit. Like, really mull over some less traditional options like a courthouse wedding or a pop up wedding or a vacation that includes a wedding or an afternoon tea reception and see of any of them feel better.I think sometimes there is this expectation that a wedding has to look one certain way when it really doesn't, it can look however you want it to look.
Best of luck!