How do you control your guest list when it comes to family - and children?

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I agree with this! They're providing a venue for your wedding, it's not THEIR wedding, therefore they should not be adding to the guestlist.

Hi Janice,

I would talk to them and just mention you appreciate them letting you use their cottage, however, you aren't even having your own grandchildren and just explain what you told us the reasoning why. I am personally not having any children at mine as well- only a few for few hours then have to leave. They new this well in advance that you didn't want children and shouldn't try to push it this close to the wedding for you.

If there's one thing I've learned through the wedding planning process, it's that some people are just nuts! It's frustrating how many guests feel that they can make demands about their preferences when it comes to weddings. If you were planning a milestone birthday celebration for a family member, no one would give it a second thought if you plan for adults only. I don't think that you even need to give a reason... It is an adult celebration, therefore only adults are invited.


All of that said, we did have kids at our wedding last week, but it required a lot of extra preparation on my part... Activities, games, gift bags, separate meal arrangements, and don't get me started on the seating plan as some children need to be with their parents, and other parents expect a children's table... I felt that the extra preparation was necessary, as our venue was not a family-friendly location. Weddings are not even a kid-type of event to begin with, they are boring and often interfere with their routines and sleep schedules...
So, really! It's your plan for a celebration. If you want adults only, then you shouldn't have to come up with safety reasons to make your point... Good luck!

Your host should not be inviting anyone. It doesn't matter if they own the property or not. They offered you a place for your celebration that does not come with the right to make it their own party.

I would be very firm on this - no kids allowed and people said they wouldn't come without them then oh well.

We are having our wedding at a restaurant and I just want the headache. It's a very nice, elegant restaurant. If you wouldn't bring your child to eat dinner there why would you bring them to a party there? We put on our invites to make it a date night and leave the kids at home. It is not an uncommon request.

I think you have two really strong arguments to support your wishes, so you should stick to your guns. Safety is a huge concern; plus, if your grandchildren aren't even invited, then absolutely no random children should be able to attend. That's just rude on your hosts' part. Hopefully, voicing these two things to people who insist on growing your guest list will sway them to keep their kids at home.

Honestly if I was in this situation and people were "threatening" us to get there way I would just politely let them know you have reasons for you no children request and if they cannot respect rhat they are more then welcome to stay home.

We have been together for nearly a decade, and his/our grandchildren have both been born in that time, so they will be attending. No other children are on our guest list. FH said to let people decide if they want to bring children or not. He's very casual about it all.

But I agree that you should be able to choose who does and who doesn't attend. We're still working out that bit.

We are also asking friends and family to not bring children. One of our invited guests was telling us she was bringing 5 kids. I politely sent her a message saying that we have deliberately planned an adult only affair and children should stay at home.
Her response was.."cannot come"
And we are fine with that!
Its your specail day. Have it your way!

Very difficult situation. My best piece of advice is to stick to your guns and keep reminding people that you do not want children there. Also reminding people that it is your day, and you have the final say in the guest list.
We strictly wanted family at our wedding, so when friends started getting invited, I had to put my foot down, especially when I have never met them.
People think that everyone in the whole family needs to be invited, and realistically most can’t afford that

Definitely not an easy situation but you gotta stick to what you want. It is your wedding and they have to deal with the fact that it's your choice not theirs. It will suck but you'll just have to be firm with them. Like your fiance said, get a sitter or don't come. It's never easy when it's family but it's your wedding and you should have it the way you want not how they want.

Oh ya this is sticky. I think you need to tell the venue host that although it is very generous and thoughtful of them to host your wedding, it is your event and budget. Tell them your concerns regarding the water and children bring unattended. I strongly suggest getting a written contract due to the fact they are inviting guests to your wedding simply bc they own the property. Also what if there are any damages to the cottage, the property, who is responsible for repairs, are you having portable toilets being brought in if they are on a septic system.

A sticky situation which no one will ever get the past of what they went through theirs and having the guests hearing the word NO!

The family needs to know that you are not feeding more than the number expected to show. The children are not being watched unless there is parent supervision. Unfortunately, everyone seems to step over our foot when we are being stern.

Have a talk with your parents and let them know your serious about not concerns about the kids being near the water and the guest list which you have decided children are not included. Anyone that wants to bring their kids should arrange a babysitter locally. If not, then yes your husband is right about staying home if other children are not invited. Set reality in place and let your day go on as planned.