How do I decide who gets a plus one?

View quoted message Oh I didn’t even think about extending +1’s after receiving regrets!! Thank you!

We struggled with this as well. We ended up giving pretty much all the singles a plus 1, and actually, very few of them took us up on the offer!

At the end of the day, it is your decision. If you don't want to be over 130, then don't give a plus one.

If guests ask if they can bring a date, you can always do the "we're currently at capacity for the venue and don't have room, but I can let you know if we receive any regrets"

We actually did that with my husbands aunt (WHO NOBODY KNEW WAS SEEING SOMEBODY). She understood, and we got quite a few regrets, so she was able to bring her guy.

Unless these people are a) in new relationships or b) single when you send out the invitations, you should give them plus ones. I understand that you and your FH haven't spent any time with these friends/old coworkers SO's, but it's really bad not to invite them.

Fair warning since I saw that someone mentioned addressing the envelopes to the guest and their SO, I did that and still had people RSVP with either someone else or with their grown up children who live at home. It was only a couple of people who did that, but it still can happen.

Good luck with all of this!

The way I did it was if someone is in a long-term, committed relationship with another person, they get the +1 regardless if I've met the +1 or not. If it's a fairly new relationship (i.e. after our engagement/guest list making), and we have not met the person, then we are not extending the +1. Our friends who are the guests who are in the second category understand that weddings are expensive and that we want an intimate gathering. That said, if the invitee doesn't know anyone else at the party, I'd consider inviting their +1 too. It's a complicated game.

I have made sure that everyone I invite is given a plus one. I don't care if they want to bring a friend or someone significant in their lives. I would find it too overwhelming to go to a wedding where I knew very few people.

This is your call to make since you feel you want to invite SO of close and old friends. Indian wedding never have plus 1s. Though I did have 2 to invite on their invitation and they came alone when asked.

Your number to keep within budget should be fair and at what you feel. Don't go overboard for many, just the one you wish to extend and have met personally. After the wedding, you can always visit and make time to see their SO then.

This is a great question. We're having a small vow renewal and only one of our expected mature guests is in not in a committed relationship. We're definitely adding a plus one to her invitation. Whether she brings a partner or a friend, weddings are always more fun with someone else. We are not, however, having children other than our teens, one of whom will be 18 by then anyway, and our nieces who will both be 18 at the time as well. This gives us more flexibility to invite other adults.

View quoted message I agree with this. We're giving everyone plus ones because you just never know. It's really not up to us to decide how serious someone else's relationship is.

Ooo hard question. as an almost married couple i feel like at this point if someone invited just my FH to a wedding he wouldnt go without me and vice versa. we go together everywhere. i would be offended if someone invited JUST him somewhere. if his buddies invited just him he wouldnt go without me. i would say couples who have been together for years should bring their SO. this is just my thoughts... but in your case i wouldnt invite all those people invite 2-3 couples that can fir your budget.

View quoted message

This is a great way of explaining plus ones! I have always said that everyone, regardless of if they are in a relationship, gets a plus one. To me it seems like the more polite thing to do, I didn't get a plus one to my cousins wedding my when me and my FH started dating and it really hurt.

I would caution against separating couples. Couples are considered a social unit and it could be very hurtful to exclude their significant other.

I usually advocate for a very liberal plus one policy and here's why: The significance of a primary relationship to the individuals in the relationship doesn't actually correlate to length of time together or jewellery exchanged, etc. Those are arbitrary metrics. We never really know what is going on in another's relationship, or the full extent of the meaning it has to the people who are in it. And so I always think it is best to allow everyone to make that determination themselves. Especially in the context of a wedding, when you are asking others to celebrate your own primary relationship, I think it is important that guests' primary relationships be respectfully acknowledged, too. That's my 2 cents :-) Obviously, you need to so what you feel comfortable with.

As far as limiting your guest list, I think you can usually expect at least a 10% decline rate. So if you are inviting 150, a 10% decline would put you at 135. B list invites can be tricky, but that could be another option if you want to be sure you dont go over 130.

Good luck!

Our venue needed a minimum of 200-250 people, so we extended a +1 to all of our guests, whether they are in a relationship or not. Of course, as you rightfully point out, this isn't budget friendly, but you also hope you can recoup some of the costs with the gifts received, and more people get to enjoy your day with you!

If you are at your capacity however, I agree with Allison - if there are people you are inviting who won't know many, or any people at your wedding, I would give them the option of bringing a +1. I got invited to a distant friends wedding and if he hadn't extended me a +1, I wouldn't have gone because I knew no one. I ended up getting put with a table I had nothing in common with, so I'm really glad my FH was with me!

With respect to people you don't know, I think I have a very unpopular opinion in that, I don't think whether someone's been together for 6 months, a year or ten years, that should be the criteria on whether you should invite them or not. If the budget isn't there, or the guest count is maxed out, I just wouldn't give a +1. This one is totally your call and what you feel comfortable with!

View quoted message

Also living together can be another indicator for determining plus ones. My FH was invited to a wedding and even though we've been together the year, he didn't get a plus one since we didn't live together. I was a little sore about it but my FH didn't end up going for other reasons. However, if we'd moved in together at 8 months and one of us wasn't included, it would be a sore spot.

I also agree with Tori and don't invite above capacity - do 2 separate waves instead.

View quoted message Yeah I hope so. Fingers crossed for you. I also would recommend when you do have your final numbers tell your venue a few more than necessary for any unexpected guests. We told our venue 105 and plan to take home the leftovers.

View quoted message

Our venue max is 170, but for budget saving we are hoping to keep it as close to the minimum 130 as possible! I didn't even think about address the envelopes with the +1 name! Thank you!

View quoted message

That's so good to hear! I know that we have some definite "no's" from out of country family. Hopefully we can have a similar outcome to you

View quoted message

Thankfully they will have others that they know since we are all a large groups of friends, but I agree that if they've been together for the year is a good rule to follow. Thank you!

I would agree with the others, if they have been together for a year (or of course how do you say no to 10 months?) then I would give them a plus one but have it addressed to their plus one so that there isn't a chance that if their S/O can't make it that they don't bring a friend.

The only thing I don't agree with doing is inviting more than capacity - if your place is max. 130 then only invite as many people (including vendors) as there is space and then you can just send them a bit early. That way your RSVP date is sooner so that you have time to send out a second batch of invites based on the no's that you receive. I wouldn't be able to cope with the anxiety of not knowing if we were going to go over our numbers otherwise.

P.S. Congrats on the engagement and welcome to the Wedding Wire community!

I agree with allison about giving them a plus one if they won't know anyone or have been together longer than a year. We invited upwards of 140 people and have a final guest count of about 97. And we were hoping for 100 so things worked out perfectly.

Hi Sabrina,

Would the childhood friends/co workers know anyone else at the wedding? If someone won't know anyone, definitely give them a plus one. However, if they've been together for more than a year now, I'd give them a plus one.

Also keep in mind 10-20% of your current guest list will most likely decline - there are exceptions but you may have the 150 but only 130 say "yes". We had 145 on our list and have 115 attending.